My lowest weight in years.

Today, for the first time in many years, I weigh less than 450 pounds. 448 to be precise (with shoes on and things in my pocket). This tells me I must be doing something right. My weight has hovered between 450 and 460 for the last almost 2 years. Weight loss completely stopped about 6 months after I had my surgery. Didn't go up, that's good, but stopped going down as well. I never experienced the level of "restriction" most people do after surgery. I have been able to eat far more than I thought I should, though it's certainly far less than before surgery. So I guess maybe these daily trips to the gym are useful after all. That does help with the motivation, to see a tangible result. 

I'm struggling with "burnout" and trying to figure out new and interesting things to do while at the gym. I know that if I keep up the same routine I'll not only stop seeing any improvement, I'll get frustrated and tired of going. Can't let that happen. Fighting the depression and getting out of the house is hard enough without the extra burden of of burnout. I need to keep it fun and interesting. So, I search for new, interesting exercises, and the internet provides.  Oh boy does it provide. There are so many conflicting opinions that it's hard to know what is worth reading and what is junk. I figure if multiple sources say the same thing about the same thing then maybe it's legitimate. 

My weekly regime consists of a couple daily exercised and more that I do on a rotating schedule of sorts. One of my least favorite, but one I find quite effective, is the "glute bridge". Here's how you do them. 

• Bend your knees and put your feet flat on the ground just close enough that you can graze your heels with your fingertips when you stretch your arms down by your side. Your feet should be about hip-width apart.
• Bend your elbows to 90 degrees so that only your upper arm is on the ground.
• Then drive up through your heels and upper back to lift your glutes off the ground. Drive your hips up as high as possible, squeezing the glutes hard. Keep your belly button drawn in so you don’t hyperextend your back.
• Do not push backward off your heels. Make sure you are driving straight up and that your knees aren’t caving in.
• Squeeze your glutes for second or two at the top and lower all the way back down to the ground before repeating.
• You should feel this move in your glutes and hamstrings and not in your low back.
• Do not rush through glute bridges. Take time to hold at the top and feel the glutes activate.

I like the glute bridge because it doesn't require any equipment. And sometimes it's nice to lay on the floor for a while. And they work. 

One of my other favorites is the Tricep Pushdown using a cable. I like these because there are so many different ways to do the same exercise. You can use a straight bar, rope, the inverted V handles or pretty much any other bar that allows you to pull the cable down. 

• Face high pulley and grasp cable attachment with narrow overhand grip. Position elbows to side.
• Extend arms down. Return until forearm is close to upper arm. Repeat.
• The elbow can travel up slightly at top of motion. Stay close to cable to provide resistance at top of motion.

Of course there are far, far more exercises to do, and I intend to experiment with many of them in order to find what works for me, but also to give myself a variety of options to choose from. I have to keep it interesting so I keep doing it. If I'm sweating then I'm doing something right, as long as I don't hurt myself. I've learned a couple things over the last two months. 

• Every day, do something. Even if you can't make it to the gym, do something. 
• Attitude makes all the difference. If I go to the gym in a bad mood I stay in a bad mood and my workout suffers for it. If I go in feeling unmotivated, my workout suffers for it. 
• I need to make it fun. Keep it interesting. If it's not fun I don't like doing it. If I don't like doing it, see above. 
• You really need to listen to your body. There is a difference between "good" pain and "something is wrong" pain. 
• Keeping track really can help motivate you. When you lift more, or go further or weigh less, it keeps you going. 
• I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing. But I'm learning. 

Technical difficulties

Apparently the links I have posted to my ramblings have been experiencing a redirect issue. I was unaware of that, but it's been taken care of. Apparently some of the Blogger widgets can experience problems, I just happened to be using one. No longer. This is one of the issues with internet technology, you don't know it's broken until someone tells you it's broken.

Moti....Motivat...ahh crap

So I've been going to the gym 5 or 6 days a week for two months now. I make myself go and usually once I'm there I get into it. Today, not so much. I went. That I did. Did some cardio, wandered through the weight room, and went and sat in the hot tub. I just couldn't do it. It's not so much that I didn't want to do, I simply couldn't. And I don't like that feeling. I'm not sure what's causing it. Burn out perhaps. Boredom.

I remind myself every day that I feel better than I have in years. I remind myself how miserable I was when the scale was bouncing off 600 pounds. When clothing didn't fit, when I couldn't walk to the end of the driveway without being out of breath. But some days it's just not enough. Some days I want to go find the biggest, greasiest, nastiest hamburger I can, eat it all and chase it with a gallon of beer. Today has been one of those days. My depression creeps out of hiding and fills my head with useless thoughts, with self doubt, with other, darker thoughts. It reminds me of why I started working out and I know that, tomorrow, I will be back at the gym and I will sweat, I will lift, I will feel better. But today it's just not happening. Today my body is rebelling. My mind is rebelling. My motivation is hiding. I need to find it again, before it escapes altogether and I slide back into that despicable hole of depression I've worked so hard to climb out of. But how? How do I keep my motivation? That has been a lifelong struggle for me. The motivation, the drive, the ambition that so many others have, I lack. My brain seems incapable of those things.

I found this photo while doing a Google search on "how to stay motivated". Apparently it's a common problem as there are literally thousands of articles dedicated to it.

Oddly, what I can't find is a list of 50 reasons to NOT exercise. I know this. I think we all know this. You feel better when you exercise. You look better when you exercise. You think better when you exercise. So why is it so damn hard to exercise? I think one problem is that I'm bored. I've developed a rut, a routine, a pattern, and it's been the same every day. I need to change that. 

In reading some of the thousands of motivation articles I keep seeing the same key points over and over again. One being VARIETY. This seems lacking in my daily routine. I need to mix it up. After a certain period of doing the same workouts over and over again, your body will adapt to the routine and hit a plateau. Try to avoid this by basically throwing your body off-balance and keeping it from getting used to a certain routine. Mix in low-intensity days with high-intensity ones. Look online or around the gym for new exercises to try. Now, for right now exercise classes just aint gonna happen. I've watched them through the door on a few occasions and lets just say I know my current limits. So that leaves me with free weights, machines and cardio to play with. I need to come up with some new ideas. Thankfully the interwebs are chock full of new ideas.

Apparently I should also set goals. Or so all these articles are telling me. I suppose they should be more tangible than "be less fat". Small steps. It's easier to implement a behavior and lifestyle change by doing it one step at a time. I need attainable goals that are realistic for my body and the fact that, for the most part I've spent the last decade on my ass wallowing in self pity and whatever food I could get my hands on. They say that it's a good idea to write down your goals in a log or journal and make new ones once those are reached. Hmm, does a blog that no one reads count?

Music. I don't know about you, but music motivates me. It wakes me up, it affects my mood, it gives me energy or relaxes me. It seems that a good playlist is very important to a productive visit to the gym. Mine needs some serious work. I'm stuck in a music rut. I need to find some songs that get me moving instead of putting me to sleep. I really really think that would help. I just need to spend some time finding those songs. And downloading them, then uploading them. I need to get on that. What's on your playlist?

Weight training to lose weight?

I know, you don't hear that very often. It seems everyone is all about cardio, cardio and more cardio. Every weight loss article is about some new fad diet or walking, or some new, nifty "color run" or some such nonsense. When you read about weight lifting it's "bulk" and "steroids". It's pictures of swollen men with obscene amounts of muscle. Weightlifting is rarely mentioned in the "weight loss" conversation. It really should be. Though there is one caveat, you won't necessarily lose weight. In fact, you may gain some. This is one reason that the scale is a horrible thing to worry about. What you will lose is inches. You will lose flab. And you'll feel a lot better too. 

Harvard School of Public Health conducted a 12 year study on exercise and weight loss. Their findings are published in the journal Obesity. 10,500 healthy men aged 40 and over participated in the study from 1996 to 2008. They compared a 20 minute weight training workout to a moderate to vigorous aerobic exercise. They found that weight training garnered far better weight loss. This has much to do with the fact that weightlifting boosts your metabolic rate over the short term AND the long term. It causes something called excess post-exercise oxygen consumption, or EPOC. Much like the cooling of a motor after a long trip, your body also needs to cool. While is does it consumes oxygen. EPOC is the amount of oxygen required to restore your body to its normal, resting level of metabolic function (called homeostasis). It also explains how your body can continue to burn calories long after you've finished your workout.

In an extensive review of the research literature on EPOC, Bersheim and Bahr (2003) concluded that “studies in which similar estimated energy cost or similar exercising VO2 have been used to equate continuous aerobic exercise and intermittent resistance exercise, have indicated that resistance exercise produces a greater EPOC response.” For example, one study found that when aerobic cycling (40 minutes at 80 percent Max HR), circuit weight training (4 sets/8 exercises/15 reps at 50 percent 1-RM) and heavy resistance exercise (3 sets/8 exercises at 80-90 percent 1-RM to exhaustion) were compared, heavy resistance exercise produced the biggest EPOC.

So all that walking, running and other cardio is good for you, but if you're trying to lose fat, lift heavy things repeatedly. After a weightlifting session you will experience an increase in metabolic rate. That means you'll burn more calories faster. Weightlifting will help you maintain your total amount of lean muscle mass, creating a permanent increase in metabolism. Lean muscle mass requires the body to burn calories simply to maintain it. Fat just sits. Cardio training will only cause a short rise in metabolic rate for an hour or two after the session, taking away from the overall calorie-burning benefits compared with resistance training. Cardio is still a good thing and makes for a fabulous warm-up before lifting. It can take 10 minutes to be able to efficiently use aerobic metabolism to produce ATP (the fuel your body uses for muscular activity). necessary to sustain physical movement. Once you get pumped (or sweaty) the aerobic energy pathways provide most of the ATP you need.

One additional bonus to weightlifting is that it will change your body composition. Aerobic exercise with burn calories and help you drop weight, but it doesn't build much lean body mass. It will reveal what you already have, but not add much to it. And remember, it's the lean body mass that burns calories. Muscles. And it is possible to combine the two through the application of High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). You get the best of both worlds, and you ass kicked. HIIT is intervals of high-intensity exercise like running, or crunches, or light weight, high repetition lifting, followed by low intensity or complete rest. HIIT has been scientifically proven to burn weight faster than steady-state cardio. Weightlifting is, by itself, a form of HIIT. The only requirement is to keep the "rest period" between sets as short as possible. 

So, if you lift weights and keep the rest periods short, you're doing High-Intensity Interval Training. HIIT causes EPOC, EPOC continues to burn calories long after the session is over. It also changes your body composition, adding lean body mass. Lean body mass burns calories, while fat does not. You'll look better, feel better and burn fat faster. It's a good thing.

I have been working out 5 days a week now for two months. I start with 15 minutes of cardio and then about an hour of weights. I've lost 10 pounds from the scale, inches from my thighs, stomach, man boobs and turkey neck underarms. Yes, I've got a long, long way to go, but it's certainly made a difference. I've dieted, I've had surgery, I've changed what I eat, none of that had the same effects as lifting heaving things repeatedly. And I feel better. The positive influence it has had on my depression is rather amazing. Mentally I feel better than I have in years, even when I was medicated.

Why are you so fat?

I can't count the number of times I've been asked this question over the last 20 years. While I usually reply in an appropriately sarcastic manner I never really gave it a lot of thought until recently. The non-fat among us generally use the same tired cliches, lazy, eat too much, lazy. But there is often much more to it than that. There is a huge mental aspect to obesity. There are often medical reasons for it, or at least contributing factors. Many times people aren't aware of either. I wasn't. I spent years trying to understand why I was constantly exhausted and able to sleep for 20 hours. I didn't know that I suffered from an extreme case of sleep apnea and was actually barely getting any true sleep at all. When you're exhausted it's difficult to do much of anything. It wasn't until after a great deal of therapy that I finally became aware of the fact that I was eating and would have no memory of doing so. Add severe depression to the mix and suddenly you're a 600 pound fat man waiting to die. I see evidence of this in many overweight people. Especially the depression.

There is a line in a movie that goes something like "I'm depressed I'm fat, I eat because I'm depressed, it's a vicious circle." There's a lot of truth to that. Once you get to a certain point it's very easy to give up, to tell yourself you just don't care, it doesn't matter, it will never change, there's nothing you can do. Society tends to reinforce these thoughts. Being ridiculed anytime you go out in public certainly doesn't help. Having people yell "fat ass" at you as you try to walk simply makes you go home and eat. Having people treat you like a third class citizen when you finally go to the gym, or decide to buy some walking shoes or do anything else to help yourself only makes it harder. Fat is the last acceptable target of bigotry and ignorance. And there are plenty of people more than willing to take advantage of that. People rarely offer to help, or to listen, they simply want to know what it is you did. how you "allowed" yourself to get so disgusting. It's interesting that the same attitude is rarely aimed at drug addicts or alcoholics. No, being fat is a choice, no matter what.

I can't really remember when I started gaining so much weight, but I do know now what caused it. Injuries led to loss of mobility, life lead to depression, one exacerbated the other and I comforted myself with food. And then I slept. Or more accurately I went to bed for hours upon hours. I learned something over the last few years. You can want to lose weight, you can try to lose weight, but until you finally understand what caused you to gain it, you won't accomplish much. This is what causes so many to "yo yo" or "crash diet". You starve yourself until you drop a few pounds but completely fail to address the causes of your weight gain in the first place so you simply gain it back. I suppose it requires getting to the point where your reasons for being healthy outweigh your reasons for being obese. Only at that point will you be successful.

So if you're struggling with weight ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself. Really, truly honest. Are there underlying medical or mental issues that you need to deal with? Would you even know if there are? I didn't.

Exercise and depression..

There is plenty of available research regarding the effects of exercise on depression and anxiety, but what good is that until you actually try it? It's much like shopping for  car online and then taking a test drive. Lots of pictures and words simply don't have the same effect as climbing in and hitting the gas. After 15 days of exercising at least one hour, I can say, that at least for me, it works. I feel better now than I did while taking medication. And the physical benefits are, I suppose, obvious. It can be difficult to find the motivation some days. As with everything, my depression can utterly annihilate my ambition. But I already know that if I get in there and sweat for a while I'll feel better. So I do, and I do.

It can, at times, be very difficult to keep going. It's been many years since I've been "active" and my body reminds me of that every day. There are moments when I look around the gym and see other people doing things I simply can't yet and it makes the "just say fuck it" part of me pop up. So I pick up something heavy and smash it. And I keep going. Because I know that if I do I'll feel better, and feeling better makes all the sweat and the self consciousness and the joint pain worthwhile.

You don't need to join a gym to get enough exercise to feel better. From the studies I've read it seems that 30 to 60 minutes of "strenuous" exercise has shown benefits. By "strenuous" they mean you sweat, a lot. Hard breathing, sweaty, get off your ass and move exercise. A fast walk, a bike ride, a swim. Anything that gets you up and moving will do it. I chose the gym because it gets me out of the house and they have child care. It works for me. After only two weeks I can feel a substantial difference. I have more energy, I sleep better, my appetite has improved (as in I eat less) and I actually feel like doing things. Essentially I feel much like I did when I first started taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro. While those medications eventually stopped working, exercise won't. Or it shouldn't, in theory.

One of the things that I have difficulty with is remembering that I'm a "beginner" again. It's been 20 some years since I spent any time in a gym. And much has changed. The equipment, the attitudes, the facilities. It's a whole new world. As a "beginner" it can be a little daunting. Especially as a guy. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of magazines, books and websites dedicated to weight lifting, bodybuilding, men's health and exercise. None of them are geared toward beginners. And the ads, my god, the ads. Buy this drink, drink that formula, take this pill and you'll be a stud in days. If you only purchase this special pair of shoes.... Shud up! Right now I'm simply focusing on moving every day, working my muscles, sweating and feeling better. The rest will come with time.

Another point worth making is, listen to your body. The exercise is meant to make you feel better, not put you in traction, hurt you so bad you don't ever go back or piss you off to the point of frustration and quitting. The idea is to alleviate the depression and anxiety, not add to it. There is a difference between good pain and bad pain. The "good" is your muscles working. The bad is your body being injured. If something hurts, stop doing it. If something really really hurts, see a doctor. Form is very important. It is better to do an exercise right a few times than wrong several. Right builds muscle, wrong builds doctor bills.

I'm beginning to formulate some semblance of a routine, as far as working muscles and cardio goes. There are, again, a plethora of prewritten options available, assuming you can do all of the various lifts in these options. I can't yet. To that end, I've found an interesting website called WorkoutLabs that offers some free and many not for free "visual PDF workouts" showing step by step routines. There are also some apps that do the same thing, but most of them cost money or simply have so many bugs in them they're more of a hassle than they're worth.

Here is a sample description from WorkoutLabs:


Machine Seated Shoulder Press
Primary muscle group: Shoulders

Secondary: Biceps, Forearms, Triceps
Equipment: Full gym

• Keep a tight core and flat back as you remain seated in the shoulder press machine.
• Look straight ahead as you hold on to the handles.
• Slowly, press the handles up above your head.
• Do not lock out your elbow.
• Slowly, bring the handles back down but do not let the weight stack touch.
• Repeat the movement.

Muscle & Fitness takes this a bit further by providing some handy videos with their workouts. One important thing to remember is that all of these websites and magazines are trying to sell you shit you don't need. Take the good information and ignore the bad. 

If you're new to the gym, or going back after years away, something like this can be very helpful. It's a little daunting to stand before a pile of iron and pulleys while wondering exactly how you're supposed to sit on it and what that lever does. Or looking at a row of dumbbells and trying to figure out what to do with them. Sure, we lift them, but how? And the how is the most important bit of all. Lifting heavy weight wrong with do much less than lifting lighter weight right. And it will keep you out of traction.






If you want to read through some of the links below, I highly recommend installing Adblock Plus in your browser. It makes for a much cleaner, less annoying web viewing experience.

FitnessRx for Men: A great deal of information on various lifting techniques and a plethora of useless, sexist information. Categories on their webpage include Training, Nutrition, Supplements, Health and a few more.

WorkoutLabs:  Free visual PDF workouts, custom workout builder, Exercise & Yoga Cards and more simple tools for you to exercise with confidence.

Muscle & Fitness: A bit of everything. They have all kinds of different workout routines, complete with instructional videos, nutrition information (for what it's worth) and some interesting articles on the sport of bodybuilding.

Two weeks in...

And I feel better. In the last two weeks I have gone to the gym 12 days. Worked out for at least an hour. Done some cardio, some weight lifting. And I feel better. Not just physically, but mentally. I've been told for years that exercise will help with depression and anxiety. That's all well and good, in theory. But if you live with depression, you know just how hard it is to get up and do something, anything. When you don't want to get out of bed, you certainly don't want to go to the gym and be around other people, and sweat, and lift things for fun. You want to pull the blanket back over your head, give the world the finger and wait to die. It goes much deeper than a simple lack of motivation, or being "lazy", as so many like to say. Many of our brains simply don't work the same way as others. Getting out of bed may as well be climbing Mt. Everest. But we do it. I do it. Every single day. Exercise is pretty much the same. Every day, I have to force myself to go, but once I do I'm glad I did.

I will say that the first few days were HARD. I did not want to do it. I wanted to stay in my house, in my chair, doing what I always do. My god, people might see me and laugh, or, horrors of horrors, say something to me. But mostly, I just didn't want to do anything. Because that's what depression does to me. It robs me of my motivation, my ambition, my will to do. I had to force myself to go in the doors. It was a struggle to leave the locker room. Stepping on the treadmill was like walking to Mars. And I did it. And I'm glad I did it. Because I feel better. The second day was a little easier, as was the third, and fourth. At the end of two weeks I look forward to going. I go for me. I don't care if people look. I don't care if they comment. But to be honest, they really don't. I get mostly looks of encouragement and kind words. I suppose that has some to do with the gym that I joined. I was very aware of the clientele, the demographic. I think that is probably the most important factor when choosing a gym.

If you feel uncomfortable, you won't go. If you feel like people are pointing and laughing, you won't go. And yes, that does happen in some gyms. I personally had a person ask me; "why's a fattass like you bothering?", I didn't ever go back to that gym. I suppose I could have approached it differently, but I wasn't ready at that point in my life. I simply left, asking myself why I was bothering, what was the point? Went home, wallowed in self pity and crappy food and gained some more weight. So finding a gym that is welcoming, that doesn't allow that type of douchebaggery, that you will keep going back to, is very important. And I seem to have found that.

There are countless articles, books, research papers and opinions detailing the benefits of exercise for depression and anxiety. The Mayo Clinic has this to say:

Regular exercise probably helps ease depression in a number of ways, which may include:

• Releasing feel-good brain chemicals that may ease depression (neurotransmitters, endorphins and endocannabinoids)
• Reducing immune system chemicals that can worsen depression
• Increasing body temperature, which may have calming effects 

It doesn't take a great deal of time to experience the benefits. You don't need to become a gym rat, or start running marathons. Doing 30 minutes or more of exercise a day for three to five days a week may significantly improve depression symptoms. But smaller amounts of physical activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — may make a difference. It may take less time exercising to improve your mood when you do more-vigorous activities, such as running or bicycling.

The mental health benefits of exercise and physical activity may last only if you stick with it over the long term — another good reason to focus on finding activities that you enjoy. WebMD has another decent article on the benefits of exercise for depression. Here's some of their pointers:

• Choose an activity you enjoy. Exercising should be fun.
• I think this is probably the single most important point and one that can't be stressed enough. As in choosing your gym, what exercise you choose to do has to be fun. Or at the least, not something you hate doing. If you don't enjoy it you won't do it. If you enjoy it, you'll have fun doing it and thus do it more often. I think this is especially true for those of us living with depression. It's hard enough to get motivated, it's almost impossible if you don't like what it is you're trying to get motivated to do
• Put your exercise routine into your schedule. If you need reminding, put it on your calendar.
• Variety is the spice of life. Make sure you vary your exercises so that you don't get bored. Check your local gymnasium or community center for an assortment of exercise programs.
• Most larger gyms offer one or two free sessions with a personal trainer when you join. Use them. Talk to them, be honest about what you need and what you think you're capable of doing. Most importantly, be honest with yourself. 
• Don't let exercise programs break the bank. Unless you are going to be using them regularly, avoid buying health club memberships or expensive equipment.
• Stick with it. If you exercise regularly, it will soon become part of your lifestyle and will help reduce your depression.

The Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School, “Understanding Depression”, has some very interesting points taken from various studies on depression and various treatment levels. 

Another study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine in 1999, divided 156 men and women with depression into three groups. One group took part in an aerobic exercise program, another took the SSRI sertraline (Zoloft), and a third did both. At the 16-week mark, depression had eased in all three groups. About 60%–70% of the people in all three groups could no longer be classed as having major depression. In fact, group scores on two rating scales of depression were essentially the same. This suggests that for those who need or wish to avoid drugs, exercise might be an acceptable substitute for antidepressants. Keep in mind, though, that the swiftest response occurred in the group taking antidepressants, and that it can be difficult to stay motivated to exercise when you’re depressed.

A follow-up to that study found that exercise’s effects lasted longer than those of antidepressants. Researchers checked in with 133 of the original patients six months after the first study ended. They found that the people who exercised regularly after completing the study, regardless of which treatment they were on originally, were less likely to relapse into depression.

I can say from personal experience that I feel much better after a trip to the gym than I ever did while taking medication. While I know that the medication I took has a great deal to do with the fact that I'm alive today, it was not a long term solution. I eventually reached a point where the medication no longer had much of an effect on me. It did its job, no doubt about that, but it's only capable of doing so much. I wish I had started exercising regularly while still taking them. But again, finding and keeping motivation when depressed is very difficult.

When it comes to workouts that fight depression, aerobic and cardio exercises have the edge. “To date, the strongest evidence seems to support aerobic exercise,” says Dr. Muzina. While the correct "dose" of depression-fighting exercise is up for debate, some experts recommend 20 to 30 minutes most days of the week. A recent review of numerous scientific studies found no association between the intensity level of the exercise and its emotional benefit — so simply moving more is a great start. The more you move the better you feel, the better you feel the more you want to move. 

Sources:

Mayo Clinic: Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms 

WebMD:       Exercise and Depression

Harvard Health Publications: Exercise and Depression

ADAA Exercise for Stress and Anxiety
7 Great Exercises To Ease Depression By Wyatt Myers Reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH
Depression and Exercise by Chris Woolston, M.S.

Choices

I've been writing here off and on for a few years now. Looking back, I've noticed that not a hell of a lot has changed since my very first post. I'm still fat. I still hurt. And I still complain about it. There is a saying about hitting bottom and needing to make a choice, go sideways or go up. I've been going sideways, for years. I'm great at making plans, having ideas, coming up with solution. What I really, truly suck at is implementing all those brilliant ideas. I worked hard to get bariatric surgery and haven't lost a pound since a few months post op. My current weight is 460. Sure, that's a fuck of a lot better than my highest at 590, but come one man. So, yesterday the wife and I joined a gym. My biggest fear here is that I won't make myself go. I've done it before. Hell, I think that's how gyms stay in business. Don't believe me? Go visit a gym on January 1st, then go back February 1st. All those "new year resolutions" dissolve into sweaty towels and tears. And lower bank balances.

I've belonged to a few gyms over the years. Lost a lot of money to them after giving up. I was always so concerned about what others thought about the sweaty fat guy, I let my perception of others keep me from doing what I needed to do. I guess I'm old enough now that I simply don't give a shit. And that's a good thing. It's time to climb up, not crawl sideways. One of the most frustrating aspects of my depression is the apathy. It makes it so simple to simply hang out at the bottom of the hole. Not comfortable, or fun, or easy. Certainly not enjoyable in any way, other than being simple. When every day is a struggle to simply exist, moving up seems impossible and pointless. And that needs to change.

This needs to go viral

This is a message worth repeating.

Post by Prince Ea.

Shitty neighbors

And their vile children too. As I mention in my other blog "The plight of the American dad" what a child sees is usually what they become. In other words, shitty people make shitty parents and thus, shitty kids. When the parents have no respect for anyone around them how can you expect the children to? You really can't. It's like blaming a dog for being a dog when the owner is the one who lets it shit in your yard. The dog doesn't know any better. Works the same with kids.

I understand that kids make noise when they play. I'm OK with that. When your kids scream, for hours, for no reason other than to make noise, that I'm not OK with. With your children make more noise than a school yard and there's only 5 of them, that I'm not OK with. When the noise lasts the ENTIRE FUCKING DAY, that I'm not OK with. Seriously, shut the fuck up. I don't live next to a school, or a playground, or a church. I live in a cul-de-sac. Your obnoxious, ill mannered heathen children are in the middle of several houses. Guess what, we don't want to listen to them have a screaming contest for two hours. We really don't. Be a parent and make them stop. It's not that hard. It really isn't. I get that you don't give a shit, but at least try a little.

I really don't expect much from my neighbors. A small amount of mutual respect. Understanding of where your yard ends and mine begins, especially if your children can't manage to pick up after themselves. I don't need or want you to like me, or to like my children. I do expect my own children to be able to play in their yard without being harassed by yours while you choose to ignore it. When your children are throwing rocks at my daughter, at other vehicles and at each other I shouldn't have to be the one to make them stop. They're your fucking kids, be a parent.

My neighbors are the reason I don't like people. They are the perfect example of what is wrong with society. Entitled, rude, disrespectful assholes. Hey, you know what? I have my own television, I don't want to listen to yours. I tell them to pick up their garbage out my yard and they call the police. No, really, she did.

I'm all for personal freedoms and what not, until your choices start to have a negative impact on the lives of me and my family. That's when I start having issues. When my daughter can't play in her own yard because shitty parents can't control their shitty children, that is a problem. I have the right to allow my child outside without having to worry if your shitty kid is going to hit her in the head with a rock. My child has the right to play outside without being subjected to verbal abuse from you shitty children. I have the right to my yard, the one I pay for, without having to trip over the crap you and your children leave in it. You want to be a lazy parent that is your right, keep your children in your house, away from me and mine. And tell them to shut the hell up, or I will.