Results? Maybe.

So today was my least favorite of all days of the month. Costco day. I hate that store. It costs me money and usually either puts me in extreme pain or I have to snag an electric cart to make it all the way through the store. I hated it. I feel so self conscious gimping around in the damn cart. I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing or making judgments. I try to tell myself and others I don't give a shit what others think and it's true to a point. But only to a point.

So this time I put on comfortable shoes and I decided I would walk. And then I decided I wouldn't. So I started walking toward the area they keep the electric carts. I was thinking of how it was going to hurt so much and how miserable I was going to be. I was allowing the old way of thinking to take control of my present way of thinking. I was allowing old habits to come through and control me in the now.

So as I was walking towards the easy way I suddenly thought, what am I doing. Why take the easy way, what good is that going to do. Sure, I may hurt a little less at the end of the day, but is that worth it? Or should I change the habits and do the healthy thing. Should I walk instead of ride. So I turned around. I turned around and walked in the opposite direction, away from the carts and towards possible intense pain. And I didn't look back.

I pushed the shopping cart to the back of the store and I thought, what if I get back here and can't walk. I answered. So what? At least you made it back here. But I got to the back of the store and I was able to keep going. Yes, I had some pain. I was sweating a little. But I didn't turn around. I made it, isle by isle, step by step. Back towards the front of the store. I kept waiting for that moment when my knees just stopped working. And I waited some more. I expected it with every step. And yet it didn't come. I had pain yes, but I kept going.

As I pushed the cart it got heavier and heavier as things got added. Good things. Fish. Vegetables. Fruit. Healthy choices. I had no interest in the junk. I had no cravings for the usual crap that has made up my diet for so many years. I started to think about just how far I had walked and that I yet to fall over. I could still breath. I was sweating, but that's OK.

I pushed the  cart to the front of the store and then out to the van. I loaded everything into the van. And I felt good. I came home and we unloaded the van, I put the groceries away and I felt good.

I think I may actually be making some progress. I haven't been able to do that in a very very long time.