Two things that most certainly do not go well together. Depression makes it so damn hard to feel like doing anything. It's like dragging a giant anchor around behind you. Constantly there, constantly slowing you down, if you can manage to move at all.
And that is the problem. The moving. The going and doing. It just seems so damn hard. The motivation doesn't seem to make it from my mind to my body. It's not that I don't know what I need to do, or how to do it or that I need to do it. It's the doing. My world is one of quick sand and Jello. Of dark, clingy fogs that refuse to release anything so unfortunate as to be lost in their darkness.
Every movement, every action, every thought of every minute of my life feels more difficult than it should. I feel like I'm swimming in a pool of Jello rather than one filled with warm, comforting water. And what's worse is, these days I'm aware of it. I can feel it. I now see the anchor behind me but feel powerless to loose the chain binding me to it.
I am so tired of my current condition. Tired of living like this. Tired of being in pain constantly. Tired of feeling stuck. Tired of feeling useless and like a complete failure. I'm tired of not being able to do the things I want to do.
The answers come so easily from those not lost in a sea of depression. It all seems so simple to those looking in from out there.
1 comment:
it's not simple. It's hard as hell! I don't want to be an outsider to you...but I don't wanna wallow in it with you...that won't help either of us...I will keep trying until you tell me to go away. You have lost 18 lbs so far from your ticker...that's awesome! It may not seem like a drop in the bucket but hey, it's 18 lbs you don't still have to lose...you are 18 lbs closer. I will try and help you keep your mind on what you have accomplished and not dwell on how much you have left to go.
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