I sometimes wonder if I even know how to be happy. If it's in my DNA so to ...type. I've been so depressed my entire life I don't think I can remember a time when I felt truly happy. Some things make me happy; my daughters giggles and hugs, puppies. But it never lasts.
"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” ~ Michelangelo Buonarroti
Now this is something I'm very good at. Always have been. It comes easy to me. Aim low, you can't miss. Or don't bother to aim at all. If you have no target in mind you can fire in any direction. Sadly, that usually ends with a projectile in the foot (or the ass).
The question you should be asking isn’t, “What do I want?” or “What are my goals?” but “What would excite me?” ~ Tim Ferriss
I've been pondering this for years. Most of my life in fact. Just what is it that excites me? What gets my blood pumping? What interests me? And I come up empty every time. It's a very important question. One I really need to figure out how to answer. But alas:
“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
This is something I have recently started reminding myself. Try, try again, try some more. Some days I don't feel like I'm trying at all but then I think about my past and what I felt like a year ago, or two years ago. I sometimes wonder how I'm still alive. I just keep trying. I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm trying for, but I'm trying none the less. Perhaps is happiness. Or a since of accomplishment, of belonging, of doing something worth having done.
I found the below article while stumbling around the net and found it rather poignant given my current level of frequent depression. I'm generally without shoes while at home, sonot sure about number 2. And I despise shaving with a passion. So does my face. But the rest, quite interesting and most certainly worth a try. What have I to lose but some already unused time.
Published on Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com)
10 Instant Emotional Fitness Tools
By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.
Created Nov 26 2010 - 10:45am
When
things get out of control and you momentarily lose your emotional
balance, there are any number of little things you can do to regain it.
Here are ten tools to help get you started.1. Wash your hands and face and brush your teeth. It cools and cleans the parts of your body that you use most frequently, which is relaxing, and gives you that "fresh start" feeling.
2. Put on clean socks and some shoes that you haven't worn in a few days. Shoes take a day or two to release any moisture they have absorbed, and this is a very easy way to put a little pep back into your step.
3. Give yourself a good shave (face or legs). This is another instant refresher. Especially if you have sensitive skin or the weather is dry. Plus, when we know we are looking our best, we naturally feel better.
4. Look at any trophy, diploma, or certificate of achievement that you have earned. And if it isn't framed and on the wall, frame it now. These are reminders of your accomplishments, and taking in your success is important to maintaining your self-esteem.
5. Remember your last (or greatest) success and think about it for sixty seconds. Taking in your success as often as possible will help you reach another and another. Quite simply, it reminds you that if you've done it before, you can do it again.
6. Know you are the person your loved ones think you are. And yes, that goes for your dog too. Knowing that you are unconditionally loved can't help but make you feel good about yourself. It's so easy to beat yourself up, I recommend pulling yourself up instead.
7. Wash your car, inside and out. Hey, when our wheels are shiny, we feel better. If you don't think this applies to you, just remember how you felt the last time you got a ride in someone's very funky car. Race you to the car wash.
8. Organize your closet and get rid of anything that no longer fits. Old clothes may come back into style, but you really don't want them on hangers for the next twenty years. Throwing out the old makes room for the new. For some, the feeling they get from putting on a new "power suit" fills them with pride.
9. Cook a lovely meal. Even if you are by yourself, preparing a tasty dinner, setting the table, and treating yourself to a wonderful culinary experience will lift your spirits. Sharing it with someone you love and/or respect will make it even more nurturing.
10. Look around you, remember that you started with nothing, and know that everything you see, you created. We can all lose our feelings of self-worth, especially when something goes wrong in our world. The truth is that if you have done it before, you can do it again-no matter what.
None of these tasks has to be uncomfortable or take you much time. Finding ways to give yourself a little boost when you're not feeling like you're at the top of your game is a trick that truly happy people use on a regular basis.
"The state of being without a system of values is psychopathogenic, we are learning. The human being needs a framework of values, a philosophy of life, a religion or religion-surrogate to live by and understand by, in about the same sense he needs sunlight, calcium or love. This I have called the "cognitive need to understand." The value- illnesses which result from valuelessness are called variously anhedonia, anomie, apathy, amorality, hopelessness, cynicism, etc., and can become somatic illness as well. Historically, we are in a value interregnum in which all externally given value systems have proven failures (political, economic, religious, etc.) e.g., nothing is worth dying for. What man needs but doesn't have, he seeks for unceasingly, and he becomes dangerously ready to jump at any hope, good or bad. The cure for this disease is obvious. We need a validated, usable system of human values that we can believe in and devote ourselves to (be willing to die for), because they are true rather than because we are exhorted to "believe and have faith." Such an empirically based Weltanschauung seems now to be a real possibility, at least in theoretical outline." (Maslow, 1968, p. 206.)
The Rules of Being Human
You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life. (Oh believe that!)
You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you think you need.
There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success. Maybe more.
(Fuck ups are fantastic learning moments. As long as you are smart enough to learn and not repeat)
A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and ultimately your behavior) then you can go on to the next lesson.
(OK, enough already, I get it. The horse is dead, quit whipping it. Let's move on already)
Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live there will be something more to learn.
“There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” has become a “here” you will simply discover another “there” that will again look better than your “here.” Don’t be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have. (Having been there many times over, as well as here, I can attest to the truth of this statement. One place is no better than another. A happy person can be happy regardless of the location and the same goes for an unhappy person)
Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you create with those tools and resources is up to you. Remember that through desire, goal setting and unflagging effort you can have anything you want. Persistence is the key to success. (Keep trying, over and over again)
The answers lie inside of you. The solutions to all of life’s problems lie within your grasp. All you need to do is ask, look, listen and trust yourself. (I seem to lack seriously in the trust of self. I suppose it comes from my past history filled with rather questionable decisions.)
“Tomorrow becomes never. No matter how small the task, take the first step now.” ~ Tim Ferriss
One thing I excel at. Procrastination. Why do today what I can ignore till some other time. And so, here I sit weighing over 500 pounds, in constant pain with no income. Perhaps there's something to that.
Procrastination: Ten Things To Know
by
- Twenty percent of people identify themselves as chronic procrastinators. For them procrastination is a lifestyle, albeit a maladaptive one. And it cuts across all domains of their life. They don't pay bills on time. They miss opportunities for buying tickets to concerts. They don't cash gift certificates or checks. They file income tax returns late. They leave their Christmas shopping until Christmas eve.
- It's not trivial, although as a culture we don't take it seriously as a problem. It represents a profound problem of self-regulation. And there may be more of it in the U.S. than in other countries because we are so nice; we don't call people on their excuses ("my grandmother died last week") even when we don't believe them.
- Procrastination is not a problem of time management or of planning. Procrastinators are not different in their ability to estimate time, although they are more optimistic than others. "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up," insists Dr. Ferrari.
- Procrastinators are made not born. Procrastination is learned in the family milieu, but not directly. It is one response to an authoritarian parenting style. Having a harsh, controlling father keeps children from developing the ability to regulate themselves, from internalizing their own intentions and then learning to act on them. Procrastination can even be a form of rebellion, one of the few forms available under such circumstances (I think there is certainly something to this idea). What's more, under those household conditions, procrastinators turn more to friends than to parents for support, and their friends may reinforce procrastination because they tend to be tolerant of their excuses.
- Procrastination predicts higher levels of consumption of alcohol among those people who drink. Procrastinators drink more than they intend to—a manifestation of generalized problems in self-regulation. That is over and above the effect of avoidant coping styles that underlie procrastination and lead to disengagement via substance abuse.
- Procrastinators tell lies to themselves. Such as, "I'll feel more like doing this tomorrow." Or "I work best under pressure." But in fact they do not get the urge the next day or work best under pressure. In addition, they protect their sense of self by saying "this isn't important." Another big lie procrastinators indulge is that time pressure makes them more creative. Unfortunately they do not turn out to be more creative; they only feel that way. They squander their resources.
- Procrastinators actively look for distractions, particularly ones that don't take a lot of commitment on their part. Checking e-mail is almost perfect for this purpose. They distract themselves as a way of regulating their emotions such as fear of failure.
-
There's more than one flavor of procrastination. People
procrastinate for different reasons. Dr. Ferrari identifies three basic
types of procrastinators:
- arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
- avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability. (pretty sure this covers me)
- decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.
- There are big costs to procrastination. Health is one. Just over the course of a single academic term, procrastinating college students had such evidence of compromised immune systems as more colds and flu, more gastrointestinal problems. And they had insomnia. In addition, procrastination has a high cost to others as well as oneself; it shifts the burden of responsibilities onto others, who become resentful. Procrastination destroys teamwork in the workplace and private relationships.
- Procrastinators can change their behavior—but doing so consumes a lot of psychic energy. And it doesn't necessarily mean one feels transformed internally. It can be done with highly structured cognitive behavioral therapy.
“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they lead to actions. Watch your actions, they create habits. Watch your habits, they build your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ~ Upanishads
Crap, how true is that. The mind is a very powerful thing and it can work against you just as well as it can work with you. You create your own reality.
10 Life-Enhancing Things You Can Do in Ten Minutes or Less
By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.
Created Apr 17 2010 - 8:48am
It
usually takes us much longer to change our moods than we’d like it to
take. Here are ten things you can do in ten minutes or less that will
have a positive emotional effect on you and those you love.1. Watch "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. See it online at Oprah.com. This is a deeply moving segment that may be the best ten minutes you've ever invested in front of a computer.
2. Spend a little while watching the sunset with your mate. Nothing extra is necessary. Just sit and take in the natural beauty of the sky and appreciate being able to share it with the one you love.
3. Sit quietly by yourself. It doesn't really matter where or when. Just let your feelings bubble up and then experience the thoughts flowing out of your mind. Clearing your head and heart will give you extra energy to get through the rest of the day.
4. Write a thank you note to your mate. When was the last time you thanked your partner for just being who he or she is and being with you? Doing this in writing will give your partner something to cherish for the rest of his or her life.
5. Take out your oldest family photo album and look through it. The experience will fill you with fond memories and perhaps make you a bit wistful for days gone by.
6. Play with a child. Most kids have short attention spans; ten minutes of quality time from a loving adult can make their day. It will also help you stay in touch with the child inside of you.
7. Visualize or imagine a positive outcome for any issue. Medical doctors recommend visualization to patients with chronic and potentially fatal illnesses. If it can help them, it can do the same for you.
8. Go to bed with the one you love ten minutes earlier than usual. Then spend that time just holding each other. Let the feeling of warmth from your mate move through you.
9. Hang out by some water. Studies show that hospital patients who can see a natural body of water from their beds get better at a 30 percent faster rate. If you're not near the coast or a lake, try taking a bath. Doing so is also healing.
10. Get your body moving. Shake, twist, and jump around. Let yourself feel the joy of moving to your favorite music, or just the sounds in your head. Run, walk, and bike to your hearts content. You will live longer and love it more.
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