I wish. I don't fear the physical. I don't fear objects or animals or people. I don't fear death. I fear living and I fear success.
Just in writing and reading what I did last night I've garnered much more understanding on this issue. The most important being that I'm apparently not alone and that many others have the same issue.
So how does one get over this fear? I've decided to take a hint from nike and just do it. Fake it till I make it. I know I can do what I say I can do, I just don't believe in myself enough. I know I can be successful at doing it if I apply myself.
This fear seems so silly to me. But it's also so real. I've sabotaged myself time after time. Simply thinking about some things causes a mild anxiety attack. Very frustrating. But I must move through it, around it, past it. Always forward.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
1. Living Consciously
2. Self-Acceptance
3. Self-Responsibility
4. Self-Assertiveness
5. Living Purposefully
6. Personal Integrity
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1. Living Consciously:
Respect for facts; being present to what we are doing while we are doing it; seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world as well, so that we do not act out of self-blindness.
2. Self-acceptance:
The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning -- and also without self-repudiation; giving oneself permission to think one's thoughts, experience one's emotions, and look at one's actions without necessarily liking, endorsing or condoning them. If we are self-accepting, we do not experience ourselves as always "on trial," and what this leads to is non-defensiveness and willingness to hear critical feedback or different ideas without becoming hostile and adversarial.
3. Self-responsibility:
Realizing that we are the authors of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for our life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that the question is not "Who's to blame?" but always "What needs to be done?"
4. Self-assertiveness:
Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid someone's disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate circumstances.
5. Living purposefully:
Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them, organizing behavior in the service of those goals, monitoring action to be sure we stay on track -- and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.
6. Personal integrity:From the article What Self-Esteem Is and Is Not , by Nathaniel Branden
Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we professes to admire; dealing with others fairly and benevolently.
fear
I have decided some things, finally. First, I'm moving to Florida in two years. Tampa most likely. Second, I am going to start my own computer business.
And both scare the crap out of me. It's not a fear of failure. That I'm good at. Failing and quiting, yep, got those down. I think, as odd as it sounds to me, it's a fear of success, a fear of being happy. How fucked up is that. And why is that? Who fears success??
I know that I can make money doing what I want to do. I know I know how to do what I want to do. Taking that first step scares the crap out of me and makes it almost impossible.
I need to figure this out.
Success is scary because it involves change. Success can be intimidating and hard to handle. With success comes more challenges and responsibilities – and that can be threatening.
Sometimes people fear success because they don’t know if they can live up to their achievements. They don’t think they’re good enough or smart enough. They're afraid they don't have what it takes to rise to the challenge, and they don't know if they can sustain their success.
Fear of Success and Fear of Failure
Interestingly, fear of failure does appear to be connected to the fear of success. Research has shown that both conditions share many of the same symptoms. Both are marked by anxiety symptoms in certain situations, such as tests and job interviews. Both conditions can be crippling, leading the sufferer to take few risks and make only safe, conservative choices.
Fear of success also appears to be related to the level of control that the sufferer feels in his or her own life. Those who feel that external forces are in control tend to be at a higher risk for fear of success. It could be that they do not feel that their success has been earned, or it could be that they fear outside forces may take away their success.
Some people seem to fear both success and failure simultaneously. This can be a very difficult situation to be in, as every choice that the person makes must be weighed against these fears. It is entirely possible for someone in this situation to become paralyzed with indecision, unable to make any choices at all.
1) Identify your fear (in this case, fear of success).
2) Identify your underlying beliefs about success. It might be helpful to write several endings to the following sentence stems, spending a few minutes every day for a week on this exercise:
a) Success means . . .
This question just brings a complete blank. Feelings of panic and anxiety but no real answers to the question. I have hypotheticals and they are all positive.
b) If I experienced total success . . .
3) Identify where those beliefs originated. You didn't just make them up out of thin air-you got them from somewhere. Search your mind and soul for their origins.
4) Challenge each belief through the rational eyes of an adult. Note where it came from and what that person's or organization's agenda likely was.
5) Decide which beliefs to keep, which to remodel, and which to throw in the dumpster. For those you toss out, be sure to create a healthy belief to adopt in its place so you don't leave a vacuum.
It would seem I need not only toss out what ever ones I have buried in my subconscious, but to actually create some.
6) Note the successes you've backed away from during your life. In each case, was it because you were uncomfortable with that level of success, or was it a case of covert rebellion against achieving someone else's definition of success? For example, some women love being a receptionist and would absolutely despise having to be a manager or director, so they sabotage their chances. That's not a bad thing. Just learn to make conscious choices.
The depression made me do it. Fear of....being happy?
7) Increase your self-esteem so you can tolerate greater levels of happiness and success. For help with this, try working through The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, by Dr. Nathaniel Branden.
8) Find a less threatening area of your life to become successful in. This way you can practice living peacefully with success before expanding it to the other areas of your life.
9) Create a great support system for yourself (it doesn't have to include family if they bring you down.) A great support system is comprised of people who bring you up, bring out the best in you, and encourage, even require, you to be your own best self.
10) Decide what your own ideal level of success is, then reach and maintain it, letting everything else go. Also, remember that what you want at this stage of your life could change, so your ideal life is certainly not written in stone. Allow it to change as you grow.
The Fear of Success: How to Overcome It. Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself. 593 words.
The Fear of Success
How to Overcome It
Bill Cole, MS, MA
Founder and CEO
William B. Cole Consultants
Silicon Valley, California
Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself.
1. Change Itself Is Scary: it's easier to maintain status quo and go along unthinkingly. Life is easier when we can live it on auto-pilot. Change brings us into the unknown with its mix of exciting adventure and scary possibilities.
2. People Will Expect You to Succeed Again: there is a new pressure to perform to a level that was not there before. You are aware of people watching and waiting for you to repeat your success.
3. The Bar Has Been Raised on Your Performance Levels: your old habits and processes will not work. You have to change familiar and comfortable ways of being for the new.
4. You Will Get More Attention From People: if you are a private person, or are not used to having an audience, this will take some adjusting.
5. Your Private Life May Suffer: athletes and movie actors who make it big complain that they have privacy no longer and that they must hire security and worry about financial and personal safety issues.
6. You Question If You Can Do It Again: you may wonder if the first victory was a fluke the next time you perform, and if you fail, people will say it was an accident. This puts added pressure on this second performance and takes away the value of the first performance should you fail.
7. Your Time Demands Will Change: you have less time now because maintaining new levels of performance bring new demands on your time, new details you've never had.
8. People Expect You to "Be" a Certain Way Now: famous stars in show business are expected to be big tippers or to sign autographs, and if they don't, are denigrated. People have a set of expectations about how you should behave in your new position.
9. It's Harder to Stay at the Top Than to Get There: it was tough succeeding, but repeating it is usually even harder. It takes more time, more planning and with your new distractions and obligations, keeping focus is even more demanding.
10. You Make Enemies When You Perform Higher Than Them: you may leave former peers behind, symbolically and literally, when you raise the bar. Many people may be happy for your success and others feel slighted and envious.
11. Being a Success Can Limit You: when an actor hits it big in a role, they are forever remembered as that character-and if they don't manage their career well, they will become type-cast. When you do a great job on a project, you might be known as "the one" to do this job for eternity because you are "so good" at it.
12. Being a Success Changes Your Self-Image: perhaps you've always wondered if you could succeed at something. You may not have felt worthy of this success. People may have told you, covertly or overtly, that you don't deserve success. You at least know your place as one who is average. When you succeed, people will look to you for advice, leadership, as being a model of virtue and you will forever change how you see yourself.
Copyright © 2005-2011 Bill Cole, MS, MA. All rights reserved.
Bill Cole, MS, MA, a leading authority on peak performance, mental toughness and coaching, is founder and CEO of William B. Cole Consultants, a consulting firm that helps organizations and professionals achieve more success in business, life and sports. He is also the Founder and President of the International Mental Game Coaching Association (www.mentalgamecoaching.com), an organization dedicated to advancing the research, development, professionalism and growth of mental game coaching worldwide. He is a multiple Hall-Of-Fame honoree as an athlete, coach and school alumnus, an award-winning scholar-athlete, published book author and articles author, and has coached at the highest levels of major-league pro sports, big-time college athletics and corporate America. For a free, extensive article archive, or for questions and comments visit him at www.MentalGameCoach.com.
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Signs of Fear of Success and Self-Sabotage
1. “Partying” the night before the big presentation. This can be literal partying (drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, staying out until the wee hours) or metaphorical partying (cleaning your house until 3 a.m., drinking too much coffee or soda pop so you can’t sleep). You may be flirting with self-sabotage if you somehow always ruin a good night’s rest before a big presentation, exam, or job interview.
I haven't done that in years.
2. Procrastination. Putting projects, assignments, or duties off while you take care of non-essential fluff or "make-work" chores can be a sign of fear of success. If you putter around instead of taking care of business, you may be subconsciously sabotaging yourself.
GUILTY. Oh so GUILTY of this one. Yep, I do it alllllllll the time.
3. All talk, no action. Sometimes certain behaviors look like laziness, but they reveal a fear of success. For instance, you may talk about your life dreams and goals all the time, but you watch TV every night and surf the Internet for hours every day. You never actually take practical steps or exert self-discipline to move in the direction of your goals.
I make two things really well, plans and excuses why they won't work.
4. Negative, pessimistic thoughts and behaviors. Fear of success can involve an extremely negative perspective of life. “What’s the point of dressing up for the job interview? I probably won’t get it anyway.” Not trying – and focusing on all the things that can go wrong – is self-sabotaging behavior.
What’s the benefit of these self-sabotaging behaviors? They provide an escape hatch. That is, if you party the night before or put your project off to the last minute, you can then shrug off your performance. You have an excuse for not doing well. Instead of facing the fear that you're not good or smart enough, you chalk it up to too many beers.
Read more at Suite101: What Is Fear of Success? Signs of Self-Sabotage: Signs of Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships & Goals, & Why You Do It | Suite101.com http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/how-fear-of-success-works-a49666#ixzz1l0YHI6Ct
Bridging the mind-body gap
by Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT
Fear of Success
The excitement of success can feel close to anxiety for some.
Published on January 3, 2011 by Dr. Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT in Somatic Psychology
www.bodyconversations.com "Why are some people afraid to succeed but not to fail? Why are some more afraid of failure? How can one learn to embrace these two fears? What is the difference between them?"
A young Canadian woman wrote to me recently with these inquiries. I thought they were excellent questions, and decided to share my thoughts and findings here.
We are all so complex, and the way we react to situations and anticipate results is based on many physiological and psychological factors. So many, in fact, that it can be difficult to generalize why different personality types might handle success versus failure in such drastically polarized ways.
As a psychologist specializing in trauma and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I've had firsthand experience coaching clients whose past experience feeds their current fear of success. For them, the excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to the feeling of arousal they experienced when subjected to a traumatic event or multiple events. (This feeling of arousal can be linked to sexuality, in certain cases where trauma has been experienced in that realm, but that is not always the case.) People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma. They avoid subjecting themselves to excitement-inducing circumstances, which causes them to be almost phobic about success.
There is another layer to the fear of success. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that the road to success involves risks such as "getting one's hopes up" - which threatens to lead to disappointment. And many of us-especially if we've been subject to verbal abuse-have been told we were losers our whole lives, in one way or another. We have internalized that feedback and feel that we don't deserve success. Even those of us who were not abused or otherwise traumatized often associate success with uncomfortable things such as competition and its evil twin, envy.
In order to have a healthy relationship with success (and it's flip side, failure, or disappointment), the first step is to learn to differentiate between feelings of excitement and a "trauma reaction."
Here is an easy exercise:
Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.
Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.
Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist's support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.
Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?
While corresponding with the young Canadian woman, I asked her to do look up bodily response to fear and excitement and let me know what she found. This is what she wrote back:
"I was looking up how the body responds to fear, and it said that when we sense fear the brain transmits signals and our nervous system kicks, in causing our breathing to quicken, our heart race to increase... we become sweaty, and we run on instinct. When we get excited or enthusiastic, doesn't our nervous system work the same way?"
I assured her that, yes, the physical reactions to stress and to excitement are very similar. So, when we experience a traumatic event—such as a car accident or a school bullying incident—our body associates the fear we experience with the same physiological feelings we get while excited. Once we have been through enough trauma, we start to avoid those types of situations that trigger memories of fear. For this reason, trauma victims can tend to avoid excitement, and that can lead them to avoid success.
I work with trauma victims to get past their fears and associations and help them embrace and follow the path to success and healthy recovery.
© Susanne Babbel Ph.D. MFT
Overcome the Fear of Success: 6 Ways to Start Thriving
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution from Anastasiya Goers
“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha
How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”
I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.
One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.
Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.
The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?
Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want.
These are the tips that have helped me get over the fear of being successful and finally believe in myself:
1. Be positive.
Negative thoughts are like MiracleGrow for fear and self-doubt. Stay away from negative people and you will decrease the amount of negativity in your life at least by half.
Practice daily gratitude, write down all the positive events in your life, practice mindfulness and you will notice how your negative attitude will start melting away.
2. Continually remind yourself that you are part of something larger than you.
Fear often has to do with worrying about uncertainty, feeling out of control, and wondering what your life’s purpose is. When you realize you are part of a bigger picture, even if you don’t fully understand what that is, it’s easier to ascertain that you both deserve and need to be successful and happy.
You do the right things, you help people around you, you make being a good person a priority, and you know that this isn’t just about you—it’s also about the bigger picture that you’re part of. These thoughts always give me the courage to try something new and believe that my life is successful because of the doing, not the outcome.
3. Take time to find your authenticity.
Do you have a lot on you? I’m sure you do, and I know that you are doing your best at doing what you have to do. But do you know who you are? Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know your passions?
Do you take time to reflect on your life and figure out your purpose in this world? Unfortunately, most of us get so caught up in responsibilities and goals that we forget to enjoy our lives.
No matter how busy you are, you must make time for yourself. It can be just 10 minutes a day, but this time must belong to you. If you give yourself the luxury of free time then you will notice that the rest of your responsibilities will get easier.
You will be a better parent. You will be able to come up with creative ideas at work (and finally get that promotion.) You will be able to take better care of your health. You will reduce your stress and experience the joy of living.
4. Create your success library.
Sometimes when we lose trust in ourselves we just need a little bit of inspiration to push us in the right direction. There are plenty of ways to find inspiration, but we forget about them when we need them the most.
Create a library of quotes, save articles and success stories that have inspired you, create a library of inspiring movies and videos, or create an album of your fun and happy memories. Turn to this library whenever you have self doubts.
5. Learn.
People are always scared of what they don’t know. My first job was in a web development company. I was scared to death during my first day at work because I didn’t know anything about web and blogs and the words CSS and PHP seemed like medical terms for lethal diseases. I was forced to learn about everything and now I feel absolutely at ease online.
If you have a fear of something you just have to educate yourself about it. It is like walking into a dark room. At first you feel scared and don’t know what to expect but once you turn the light on, everything gets clear and simple.
6. Live in balance.
No matter how important success might seem to you, it is still important to follow it with balance; otherwise your journey towards success will turn into an obsession that will ruin everything that you truly love in life.
Success is not a destination. It’s a journey, and it’s important that we take each step feeling grounded and balanced. Spend time with your loved ones, enjoy your hobby or follow your passion, take care of your health and grow spiritually. This is the meaning of true success, the one that you can achieve only in balance.
I think that you are able to be successful. It is your right and purpose in life to be successful in whatever you are doing. If you believe in that then nothing will ever stop you from living a balanced and joyous life.
Editor’s Note: My new friend Gretchen Rubin, who ran a Tiny Buddha interview on her site earlier this year, just launched the paperback version of her best-selling book The Happiness Project. I highly recommend checking it out! You can purchase it here, or shop through the Tiny Buddha Amazon store to support the site, as well.
Photo by Bohari Adventures
Handling Fear of Success
Apr 26, 2011 | By Jake Lawson
What are the solutions to address a fear of success?
* Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough
* Uniting all talents and virtues for a greater good
* Confronting and dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner
* Recognizing and welcoming the the chance to triumph over competition without feeling unworthy or undeserving
* Expressing views and opinions without hesitation
* Setting sights on a goal and achieving it with both sacrifices and rewards--these make up the rough climb, the seemingly impossible.
* Steps that if completed always lead straight to success, rewarding those who persevere
Fear of success is the following:
* Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won't be happy, content or satisfied once you reach your goal
* Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes
* Opposite of fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes and losing approval--Fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
* Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life
* Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at anytime
* Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success
* Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record
* Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment
* Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade
* Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments--that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life.
What are the negative consequences of the fear of success?
Fear of success can result in:
* A lack of effort to achieve goals you have set for yourself in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth
* Self-destructive behavior, such as tripping yourself up to make sure that you do not sustain a certain level of success or achievement you once had in school, on the job, at home, in relationships or in your personal growth.
* Problems making decisions, being unable to solve problems
* Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve and succeed
* Chronic underachievement
* Feeling guilt, confusion and anxiety when you do achieve success--this leads you to falter, waver and eventually lose your momentum.
* Sabotaging any gains that you have made in your personal growth and mental health, because once you become healthier, a better problem solver, and more "together,'' you fear that no one will pay attention to you. You are habituated to receiving help, sympathy and compassionate support.
* Your choosing to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy and successful
* Reinforcing your chronic negativity, chronic pessimism and chronic lack of achievement since you cannot, visualize yourself in a contented, successful life
* Denouncing your achievements and accomplishments, or seeking ways in which you can denigrate yourself enough to lose what you've gained
What do those who fear success believe?
* I have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
* I know people care about me when I am down and out, but will they like me when I am on top and successful?
* I've never been happy before, so how can I be sure I'll be happy once I achieve my goals?
* I am nothing, and I deserve nothing.
* How can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life?
* I can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals.
* How can I be sure that my good fortunes won't go sour and be destroyed?
* There are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never be enough.
* They are all better, brighter, smarter, and more talented than I am. I really don't deserve to be successful.
* It's hard to be at the top.
* Everyone is out to shoot down the head man.
* No one really likes a winner.
* Everyone goes for the underdog.
* I am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged.
* Hard work, no play and constant effort make me happy. What would I do if it were different?
* I feel so guilty when I realize how much I have been given in my life.
* I'm always afraid I'm going to lose it all.
* Starting over again gives me meaning and a sense of mission and purpose.
* I'm so bored with what I've accomplished. What's left to do?
* Everyone has the right to fail in life, and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to.
What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?
* Learning to reinforce yourself for the hard work, effort and sacrifices you have made to achieve success
* Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success and accomplishment
* Accepting yourself as being healthy, "together,'' happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
* Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
* Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
* Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
* Visualizing your life when you are successful
* Giving others credit, recognition, and support for their personal achievements, successes and accomplishments
* Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself
* Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
Steps to overcoming fear of success
Step 1: You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer questions ``A' through ``J'' in your journal for each of the following 12 areas:
* At school
* On the job
* With family
* In marriage
* In relationships
* With friends
* In your career
* In your emotional life
* In your hobbies
* In sports
* In your physical health
* In your spiritual life
a. What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
b. What would success in this area of my life look like?
c. In what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
d. Who am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
e. What do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
f. What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
g. Who do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
h. How motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
i. In what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of my life?
j. In what ways do I think that I'll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?
Step 2: Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same 12 areas:
a. What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
b. What are my long range goals for this area?
c. In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
d. How much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
e. In what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
f. In what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
g. Have I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success here?
h. Have I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy or concern if I achieved success here?
i. Have I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
j. Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
Step 3: After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fear success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the "Tools for Coping" to assist in this effort.
Step 4: After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the 12 areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
b. How can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
c. How can I accept myself as being successful?
d. How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
e. Who needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
f. How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
g. How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
h. How can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success and achievements?
i. How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
j. How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
Step 5: Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Last updated on: Apr 26, 2011
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Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14659-handling-fear-of-success/#ixzz1l0TJgRZW
And both scare the crap out of me. It's not a fear of failure. That I'm good at. Failing and quiting, yep, got those down. I think, as odd as it sounds to me, it's a fear of success, a fear of being happy. How fucked up is that. And why is that? Who fears success??
I know that I can make money doing what I want to do. I know I know how to do what I want to do. Taking that first step scares the crap out of me and makes it almost impossible.
I need to figure this out.
In psychology, fear of success is about being subconsciously afraid of
succeeding. These signs of self-sabotage reveal how fear and
perfectionism hold you back.
Fear of success can be just as paralyzing as fear of failure. Many
people fear success because it tests their limits and makes them
vulnerable to new situations. Even worse, success can expose weaknesses
and force people to deal with their flaws.Success is scary because it involves change. Success can be intimidating and hard to handle. With success comes more challenges and responsibilities – and that can be threatening.
Sometimes people fear success because they don’t know if they can live up to their achievements. They don’t think they’re good enough or smart enough. They're afraid they don't have what it takes to rise to the challenge, and they don't know if they can sustain their success.
Fear of Success and Fear of Failure
Interestingly, fear of failure does appear to be connected to the fear of success. Research has shown that both conditions share many of the same symptoms. Both are marked by anxiety symptoms in certain situations, such as tests and job interviews. Both conditions can be crippling, leading the sufferer to take few risks and make only safe, conservative choices.
Fear of success also appears to be related to the level of control that the sufferer feels in his or her own life. Those who feel that external forces are in control tend to be at a higher risk for fear of success. It could be that they do not feel that their success has been earned, or it could be that they fear outside forces may take away their success.
Some people seem to fear both success and failure simultaneously. This can be a very difficult situation to be in, as every choice that the person makes must be weighed against these fears. It is entirely possible for someone in this situation to become paralyzed with indecision, unable to make any choices at all.
1) Identify your fear (in this case, fear of success).
2) Identify your underlying beliefs about success. It might be helpful to write several endings to the following sentence stems, spending a few minutes every day for a week on this exercise:
a) Success means . . .
This question just brings a complete blank. Feelings of panic and anxiety but no real answers to the question. I have hypotheticals and they are all positive.
b) If I experienced total success . . .
3) Identify where those beliefs originated. You didn't just make them up out of thin air-you got them from somewhere. Search your mind and soul for their origins.
4) Challenge each belief through the rational eyes of an adult. Note where it came from and what that person's or organization's agenda likely was.
5) Decide which beliefs to keep, which to remodel, and which to throw in the dumpster. For those you toss out, be sure to create a healthy belief to adopt in its place so you don't leave a vacuum.
It would seem I need not only toss out what ever ones I have buried in my subconscious, but to actually create some.
6) Note the successes you've backed away from during your life. In each case, was it because you were uncomfortable with that level of success, or was it a case of covert rebellion against achieving someone else's definition of success? For example, some women love being a receptionist and would absolutely despise having to be a manager or director, so they sabotage their chances. That's not a bad thing. Just learn to make conscious choices.
The depression made me do it. Fear of....being happy?
7) Increase your self-esteem so you can tolerate greater levels of happiness and success. For help with this, try working through The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, by Dr. Nathaniel Branden.
8) Find a less threatening area of your life to become successful in. This way you can practice living peacefully with success before expanding it to the other areas of your life.
9) Create a great support system for yourself (it doesn't have to include family if they bring you down.) A great support system is comprised of people who bring you up, bring out the best in you, and encourage, even require, you to be your own best self.
10) Decide what your own ideal level of success is, then reach and maintain it, letting everything else go. Also, remember that what you want at this stage of your life could change, so your ideal life is certainly not written in stone. Allow it to change as you grow.
The Fear of Success: How to Overcome It. Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself. 593 words.
The Fear of Success
How to Overcome It
Bill Cole, MS, MA
Founder and CEO
William B. Cole Consultants
Silicon Valley, California
Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself.
1. Change Itself Is Scary: it's easier to maintain status quo and go along unthinkingly. Life is easier when we can live it on auto-pilot. Change brings us into the unknown with its mix of exciting adventure and scary possibilities.
2. People Will Expect You to Succeed Again: there is a new pressure to perform to a level that was not there before. You are aware of people watching and waiting for you to repeat your success.
3. The Bar Has Been Raised on Your Performance Levels: your old habits and processes will not work. You have to change familiar and comfortable ways of being for the new.
4. You Will Get More Attention From People: if you are a private person, or are not used to having an audience, this will take some adjusting.
5. Your Private Life May Suffer: athletes and movie actors who make it big complain that they have privacy no longer and that they must hire security and worry about financial and personal safety issues.
6. You Question If You Can Do It Again: you may wonder if the first victory was a fluke the next time you perform, and if you fail, people will say it was an accident. This puts added pressure on this second performance and takes away the value of the first performance should you fail.
7. Your Time Demands Will Change: you have less time now because maintaining new levels of performance bring new demands on your time, new details you've never had.
8. People Expect You to "Be" a Certain Way Now: famous stars in show business are expected to be big tippers or to sign autographs, and if they don't, are denigrated. People have a set of expectations about how you should behave in your new position.
9. It's Harder to Stay at the Top Than to Get There: it was tough succeeding, but repeating it is usually even harder. It takes more time, more planning and with your new distractions and obligations, keeping focus is even more demanding.
10. You Make Enemies When You Perform Higher Than Them: you may leave former peers behind, symbolically and literally, when you raise the bar. Many people may be happy for your success and others feel slighted and envious.
11. Being a Success Can Limit You: when an actor hits it big in a role, they are forever remembered as that character-and if they don't manage their career well, they will become type-cast. When you do a great job on a project, you might be known as "the one" to do this job for eternity because you are "so good" at it.
12. Being a Success Changes Your Self-Image: perhaps you've always wondered if you could succeed at something. You may not have felt worthy of this success. People may have told you, covertly or overtly, that you don't deserve success. You at least know your place as one who is average. When you succeed, people will look to you for advice, leadership, as being a model of virtue and you will forever change how you see yourself.
Copyright © 2005-2011 Bill Cole, MS, MA. All rights reserved.
Bill Cole, MS, MA, a leading authority on peak performance, mental toughness and coaching, is founder and CEO of William B. Cole Consultants, a consulting firm that helps organizations and professionals achieve more success in business, life and sports. He is also the Founder and President of the International Mental Game Coaching Association (www.mentalgamecoaching.com), an organization dedicated to advancing the research, development, professionalism and growth of mental game coaching worldwide. He is a multiple Hall-Of-Fame honoree as an athlete, coach and school alumnus, an award-winning scholar-athlete, published book author and articles author, and has coached at the highest levels of major-league pro sports, big-time college athletics and corporate America. For a free, extensive article archive, or for questions and comments visit him at www.MentalGameCoach.com.
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Signs of Fear of Success and Self-Sabotage
1. “Partying” the night before the big presentation. This can be literal partying (drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, staying out until the wee hours) or metaphorical partying (cleaning your house until 3 a.m., drinking too much coffee or soda pop so you can’t sleep). You may be flirting with self-sabotage if you somehow always ruin a good night’s rest before a big presentation, exam, or job interview.
I haven't done that in years.
2. Procrastination. Putting projects, assignments, or duties off while you take care of non-essential fluff or "make-work" chores can be a sign of fear of success. If you putter around instead of taking care of business, you may be subconsciously sabotaging yourself.
GUILTY. Oh so GUILTY of this one. Yep, I do it alllllllll the time.
3. All talk, no action. Sometimes certain behaviors look like laziness, but they reveal a fear of success. For instance, you may talk about your life dreams and goals all the time, but you watch TV every night and surf the Internet for hours every day. You never actually take practical steps or exert self-discipline to move in the direction of your goals.
I make two things really well, plans and excuses why they won't work.
4. Negative, pessimistic thoughts and behaviors. Fear of success can involve an extremely negative perspective of life. “What’s the point of dressing up for the job interview? I probably won’t get it anyway.” Not trying – and focusing on all the things that can go wrong – is self-sabotaging behavior.
What’s the benefit of these self-sabotaging behaviors? They provide an escape hatch. That is, if you party the night before or put your project off to the last minute, you can then shrug off your performance. You have an excuse for not doing well. Instead of facing the fear that you're not good or smart enough, you chalk it up to too many beers.
Read more at Suite101: What Is Fear of Success? Signs of Self-Sabotage: Signs of Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships & Goals, & Why You Do It | Suite101.com http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/how-fear-of-success-works-a49666#ixzz1l0YHI6Ct
Bridging the mind-body gap
by Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT
Fear of Success
The excitement of success can feel close to anxiety for some.
Published on January 3, 2011 by Dr. Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT in Somatic Psychology
www.bodyconversations.com "Why are some people afraid to succeed but not to fail? Why are some more afraid of failure? How can one learn to embrace these two fears? What is the difference between them?"
A young Canadian woman wrote to me recently with these inquiries. I thought they were excellent questions, and decided to share my thoughts and findings here.
We are all so complex, and the way we react to situations and anticipate results is based on many physiological and psychological factors. So many, in fact, that it can be difficult to generalize why different personality types might handle success versus failure in such drastically polarized ways.
As a psychologist specializing in trauma and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I've had firsthand experience coaching clients whose past experience feeds their current fear of success. For them, the excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to the feeling of arousal they experienced when subjected to a traumatic event or multiple events. (This feeling of arousal can be linked to sexuality, in certain cases where trauma has been experienced in that realm, but that is not always the case.) People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma. They avoid subjecting themselves to excitement-inducing circumstances, which causes them to be almost phobic about success.
There is another layer to the fear of success. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that the road to success involves risks such as "getting one's hopes up" - which threatens to lead to disappointment. And many of us-especially if we've been subject to verbal abuse-have been told we were losers our whole lives, in one way or another. We have internalized that feedback and feel that we don't deserve success. Even those of us who were not abused or otherwise traumatized often associate success with uncomfortable things such as competition and its evil twin, envy.
In order to have a healthy relationship with success (and it's flip side, failure, or disappointment), the first step is to learn to differentiate between feelings of excitement and a "trauma reaction."
Here is an easy exercise:
Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.
Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.
Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist's support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.
Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?
While corresponding with the young Canadian woman, I asked her to do look up bodily response to fear and excitement and let me know what she found. This is what she wrote back:
"I was looking up how the body responds to fear, and it said that when we sense fear the brain transmits signals and our nervous system kicks, in causing our breathing to quicken, our heart race to increase... we become sweaty, and we run on instinct. When we get excited or enthusiastic, doesn't our nervous system work the same way?"
I assured her that, yes, the physical reactions to stress and to excitement are very similar. So, when we experience a traumatic event—such as a car accident or a school bullying incident—our body associates the fear we experience with the same physiological feelings we get while excited. Once we have been through enough trauma, we start to avoid those types of situations that trigger memories of fear. For this reason, trauma victims can tend to avoid excitement, and that can lead them to avoid success.
I work with trauma victims to get past their fears and associations and help them embrace and follow the path to success and healthy recovery.
© Susanne Babbel Ph.D. MFT
Overcome the Fear of Success: 6 Ways to Start Thriving
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution from Anastasiya Goers
“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha
How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”
I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.
One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.
Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.
The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?
Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want.
These are the tips that have helped me get over the fear of being successful and finally believe in myself:
1. Be positive.
Negative thoughts are like MiracleGrow for fear and self-doubt. Stay away from negative people and you will decrease the amount of negativity in your life at least by half.
Practice daily gratitude, write down all the positive events in your life, practice mindfulness and you will notice how your negative attitude will start melting away.
2. Continually remind yourself that you are part of something larger than you.
Fear often has to do with worrying about uncertainty, feeling out of control, and wondering what your life’s purpose is. When you realize you are part of a bigger picture, even if you don’t fully understand what that is, it’s easier to ascertain that you both deserve and need to be successful and happy.
You do the right things, you help people around you, you make being a good person a priority, and you know that this isn’t just about you—it’s also about the bigger picture that you’re part of. These thoughts always give me the courage to try something new and believe that my life is successful because of the doing, not the outcome.
3. Take time to find your authenticity.
Do you have a lot on you? I’m sure you do, and I know that you are doing your best at doing what you have to do. But do you know who you are? Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know your passions?
Do you take time to reflect on your life and figure out your purpose in this world? Unfortunately, most of us get so caught up in responsibilities and goals that we forget to enjoy our lives.
No matter how busy you are, you must make time for yourself. It can be just 10 minutes a day, but this time must belong to you. If you give yourself the luxury of free time then you will notice that the rest of your responsibilities will get easier.
You will be a better parent. You will be able to come up with creative ideas at work (and finally get that promotion.) You will be able to take better care of your health. You will reduce your stress and experience the joy of living.
4. Create your success library.
Sometimes when we lose trust in ourselves we just need a little bit of inspiration to push us in the right direction. There are plenty of ways to find inspiration, but we forget about them when we need them the most.
Create a library of quotes, save articles and success stories that have inspired you, create a library of inspiring movies and videos, or create an album of your fun and happy memories. Turn to this library whenever you have self doubts.
5. Learn.
People are always scared of what they don’t know. My first job was in a web development company. I was scared to death during my first day at work because I didn’t know anything about web and blogs and the words CSS and PHP seemed like medical terms for lethal diseases. I was forced to learn about everything and now I feel absolutely at ease online.
If you have a fear of something you just have to educate yourself about it. It is like walking into a dark room. At first you feel scared and don’t know what to expect but once you turn the light on, everything gets clear and simple.
6. Live in balance.
No matter how important success might seem to you, it is still important to follow it with balance; otherwise your journey towards success will turn into an obsession that will ruin everything that you truly love in life.
Success is not a destination. It’s a journey, and it’s important that we take each step feeling grounded and balanced. Spend time with your loved ones, enjoy your hobby or follow your passion, take care of your health and grow spiritually. This is the meaning of true success, the one that you can achieve only in balance.
I think that you are able to be successful. It is your right and purpose in life to be successful in whatever you are doing. If you believe in that then nothing will ever stop you from living a balanced and joyous life.
Editor’s Note: My new friend Gretchen Rubin, who ran a Tiny Buddha interview on her site earlier this year, just launched the paperback version of her best-selling book The Happiness Project. I highly recommend checking it out! You can purchase it here, or shop through the Tiny Buddha Amazon store to support the site, as well.
Photo by Bohari Adventures
Handling Fear of Success
Apr 26, 2011 | By Jake Lawson
What are the solutions to address a fear of success?
* Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough
* Uniting all talents and virtues for a greater good
* Confronting and dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner
* Recognizing and welcoming the the chance to triumph over competition without feeling unworthy or undeserving
* Expressing views and opinions without hesitation
* Setting sights on a goal and achieving it with both sacrifices and rewards--these make up the rough climb, the seemingly impossible.
* Steps that if completed always lead straight to success, rewarding those who persevere
Fear of success is the following:
* Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won't be happy, content or satisfied once you reach your goal
* Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes
* Opposite of fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes and losing approval--Fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
* Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life
* Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at anytime
* Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success
* Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record
* Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment
* Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade
* Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments--that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life.
What are the negative consequences of the fear of success?
Fear of success can result in:
* A lack of effort to achieve goals you have set for yourself in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth
* Self-destructive behavior, such as tripping yourself up to make sure that you do not sustain a certain level of success or achievement you once had in school, on the job, at home, in relationships or in your personal growth.
* Problems making decisions, being unable to solve problems
* Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve and succeed
* Chronic underachievement
* Feeling guilt, confusion and anxiety when you do achieve success--this leads you to falter, waver and eventually lose your momentum.
* Sabotaging any gains that you have made in your personal growth and mental health, because once you become healthier, a better problem solver, and more "together,'' you fear that no one will pay attention to you. You are habituated to receiving help, sympathy and compassionate support.
* Your choosing to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy and successful
* Reinforcing your chronic negativity, chronic pessimism and chronic lack of achievement since you cannot, visualize yourself in a contented, successful life
* Denouncing your achievements and accomplishments, or seeking ways in which you can denigrate yourself enough to lose what you've gained
What do those who fear success believe?
* I have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
* I know people care about me when I am down and out, but will they like me when I am on top and successful?
* I've never been happy before, so how can I be sure I'll be happy once I achieve my goals?
* I am nothing, and I deserve nothing.
* How can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life?
* I can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals.
* How can I be sure that my good fortunes won't go sour and be destroyed?
* There are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never be enough.
* They are all better, brighter, smarter, and more talented than I am. I really don't deserve to be successful.
* It's hard to be at the top.
* Everyone is out to shoot down the head man.
* No one really likes a winner.
* Everyone goes for the underdog.
* I am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged.
* Hard work, no play and constant effort make me happy. What would I do if it were different?
* I feel so guilty when I realize how much I have been given in my life.
* I'm always afraid I'm going to lose it all.
* Starting over again gives me meaning and a sense of mission and purpose.
* I'm so bored with what I've accomplished. What's left to do?
* Everyone has the right to fail in life, and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to.
What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?
* Learning to reinforce yourself for the hard work, effort and sacrifices you have made to achieve success
* Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success and accomplishment
* Accepting yourself as being healthy, "together,'' happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
* Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
* Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
* Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
* Visualizing your life when you are successful
* Giving others credit, recognition, and support for their personal achievements, successes and accomplishments
* Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself
* Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
Steps to overcoming fear of success
Step 1: You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer questions ``A' through ``J'' in your journal for each of the following 12 areas:
* At school
* On the job
* With family
* In marriage
* In relationships
* With friends
* In your career
* In your emotional life
* In your hobbies
* In sports
* In your physical health
* In your spiritual life
a. What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
b. What would success in this area of my life look like?
c. In what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
d. Who am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
e. What do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
f. What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
g. Who do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
h. How motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
i. In what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of my life?
j. In what ways do I think that I'll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?
Step 2: Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same 12 areas:
a. What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
b. What are my long range goals for this area?
c. In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
d. How much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
e. In what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
f. In what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
g. Have I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success here?
h. Have I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy or concern if I achieved success here?
i. Have I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
j. Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
Step 3: After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fear success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the "Tools for Coping" to assist in this effort.
Step 4: After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the 12 areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
b. How can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
c. How can I accept myself as being successful?
d. How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
e. Who needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
f. How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
g. How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
h. How can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success and achievements?
i. How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
j. How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
Step 5: Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Last updated on: Apr 26, 2011
Copyright © 2012 Demand Media, Inc. Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the LIVESTRONG.COM Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The material appearing on LIVESTRONG.COM is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. LIVESTRONG is a registered trademark of the Lance Armstrong Foundation. The Lance Armstrong Foundation and LIVESTRONG.COM do not endorse any of the products or services that are advertised on the web site. Moreover, we do not select every advertiser or advertisement that appears on the web site-many of the advertisements are served by third party advertising companies. Ad Choices
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14659-handling-fear-of-success/#ixzz1l0TJgRZW
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Because I'm planning on moving to Florida in two years. Tampa seems to have everything I like and want in a place to live. Any opinions??
Introduction to Tampa
Tampa, Florida has an enormous variety of attractions and perks for the people who live in and around the city. Waterside cafes, Busch Gardens, the Florida Aquarium, Channelside shopping, and the Tampa Bay Bucaneers, Devil Rays, and Lightning are just few of the biggest attractions. Then there’s Ybor City, where visitors can find hand-rolled cigars and Cuban sandwiches. And don’t forget the ocean and the white sand beaches, which offer people the chance to participate in jet skiing, parasailing, sport fishing, and boating. Every year, the Gasparilla Pirate Festival draws a huge crowd of rowdy swashbucklers. The city has a population of around 372,000, which makes it the third largest city in Florida.Tampa Culture
Tampa is a very multi-cultural city and has a Hispanic population that exerts major influence in the area. 10% of the population are Latino, and the area was named one of the five most diverse, integrated urban areas in the United State by the Census Bureau. There are a number of museums to visit in and around Tampa, including the Pioneer Florida Museum, the St. Petersburg Museum of History, the gulf Coast World of Science, the Yulee Sugar Mill Ruins, the Boatyard Village, the Salvador Dali Museum, and the Children’s Museum of Tampa. Live theater can be seen at the Friday Morning Musicale in Hyde Park, Gorilla Theater in Drew Park, the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, and Tampa Theater. The city also has a number of art galleries of interest, such as the African Art Gallery, Artists Unlimited, the Centre Gallery, the Covivant Gallery, and Graphicstudio.I've heard Oregon has culture and Eugene is supposed to be the center of art and diversity. I haven't found it yet, but I hear rumors. I think the diversity is bum, lower class and upper class.
Tampa Sports and Leisure
Tampa has a lot to offer in the way of sports, with four major professional teams. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays play in Major League Baseball across the bay in St. Petersburg. The Tampa Bay Bucaneers play in the National Football League (NFL) while the Tampa Bay Lightning are part of the National Hockey League (NHL). And the Tampa Bay Storm play in the lesser-known Arena Football League. Spring training in Major League Baseball brings many teams to the area, including the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the New York Yankees, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Toronto Blue Jays. Minor league baseball also has a Tampa team called the Yankees.We have the um....Ducks.
Tampa Outdoors
The weather in Tampa Bay is typically characterized by bright sunny days and calm breezes, with the average annual temperature hovering around 72 degrees. It is a good idea to put on sunscreen when participating in any outdoor activities in the area. The area has a variety of natural beaches, lakes, and rivers that create opportunities for snorkeling, diving, sailing, fresh or saltwater fishing, kayaking, cruising or sunbathing. The area has dozens of golf courses, and many championship events are hosted here, including the Champions Tour Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am.You can do all that in Oregon, sure.
Tampa at Night
Tampa Bay is known for its nightlife scene and the variety that it offers. Any night of the week there will be music in bars such as rock, reggae, blues, country, punk, salsa, and jazz. There are a few trendy spots with nightclub scenes tailored to sophisticated partygoers, such as Channelside and International Plaza’s Bay Street. The SoHo district offers the chance to mix and mingle with friends, while Ybor City is widely known as the place to be at night.Yes, and why is it I want to move? Golly, can't remember.
- Business Climate – As western gateway to Florida’s High Tech Corridor, in Tampa you’ll find affordable business and living costs, an able and abundant workforce and excellent educational opportunities.
- Arts and Entertainment – Visitors and residents alike enjoy a vibrant cultural community and endless opportunities for fun with so many unique attractions.
- Education – Learning and training opportunities are abundant throughout Tampa with nationally recognized schools and top-notch research institutions.
- Healthcare – Leading the Florida lifestyle comes easy with Tampa’s outstanding network of healthcare facilities.
- Sports – Tampa and Sports are an unbeatable combination with several championship pro teams and endless outdoor activities.
Elements of a Business Plan
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Cover sheet
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Executive summary (statement of the business purpose)
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Table of contents
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Body of the document
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Business
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Description of business
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Marketing
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Competition
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Operating procedures
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Personnel
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Business insurance
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Description of business
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Financial data
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Loan applications
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Capital equipment and supply list
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Balance sheet
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Breakeven analysis
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Profit and loss statements
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Three-year summary
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Detail by month, first year
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Detail by quarters, second and third year
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Assumptions upon which projections were based
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Pro-forma cash flow
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Loan applications
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Supporting documents
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Tax returns of principals (partners in the business) for last
three years, personal financial statements (all banks have these forms)
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Copy of franchise contract and all supporting documents provided by the franchisor (for franchise businesses)
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Copy of proposed lease or purchase agreement for building space
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Copy of licenses and other legal documents
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Copy of resumes of all principals
- Copies of letters of intent from suppliers, etc
Writing a business plan can be an overwhelming task. These feelings often translate into immobilization or confusion as to how to start the business plan. Starting a business plan begins with the first step:
1. Audience & Funding Type:
When writing a business plan, you must determine who will be reading it. This decision will shape the business plan. Do you plan to go for debt or equity financing? Each form of funding for your business has pros and cons. For instance, the venture capital market can be very time consuming and competitive. Do you have the time to write the business plan for investor funding and to network within the community? Writing a business plan for investors is 15-30 pages with in-depth analysis and full details of facts and figures to support assumptions of the market. Writing a business plan for the bank is 10-15 pages and focused with the bank's concern with risk. A venture plan presents the upside and potential return on investments, whereas a bank plan reduces the risks and sells the ability to repay the loan.
2. Business Plan Outline:
A business plan outline is the second most important starting point once you've pre-determined your audience. The business plan outline should be prepared before the actual research and writing of the business plan.3. Research & Information Collection:
Once you have made the decision of the type of funding your business requires, it is time for the research. Business plan research covers several key areas: -
Tax returns of principals (partners in the business) for last
three years, personal financial statements (all banks have these forms)
- Insight from your experience working and observing the industry you will enter. This data will have to be backed but by the next two sources.
- Published information from library, Internet, and paid database services will provide information on the market growth, overall industry perspective, and customer profiles.
- Field research covers interviews with customers, suppliers, competitors, and industry experts. This provides the real insight behind all the published facts.
4. Collection Files:
The easiest way to go about collecting all your experiences, interviews, and research is to create files for each section of the business plan. These files can be: paper-based, computer files or set-up using business planning software. As you start the research and collection phase of planning, fill your files with notes and printouts.
5. General Industry Overview:
Begin the research process with an overview of the industry; uncovering industry and association reports. By having a general understanding of the industry, you will avoid embarrassment in contacting experts with basic questions. Begin the field research once you have a good grasp of the industry fundamentals and need answers to the hard-to-find information.
6. Analysis:
Once the bulk of the data has been collected, the process of analysis begins. Look at building a competitive profile, contingency plan, risk assessment, etc.7. Financials:
Start the financials when you have found some average industry ratios for your business. Work closely with your accountant to develop realistic projections. Being overly optimistic will raise eyebrows with your investors or banker.8. Executive Summary:
Save the first section for last. When you have thoroughly, completed all sections of the business plan, write the summary. Highlight the key points and include the return on investment or loan payback requirements.
9. Review & Editing:
Remember, you only have one shot at making a good impression. A well-written business plan that opens doors and wins the money is a plan that has been revised and reviewed. Do not forget this important step. Ask others for feedback. Make certain to edit, proofread, proofread, and proofread. Business planning is not easy but by following these critical steps to writing a business plan, you will ensure your business has a chance at funding and success in the future.
A business plan outline is the second most important starting point once you've pre-determined your audience. The business plan outline should be prepared before the actual research and writing of the business plan. Once your outline has been set; organize your research files around the layout of your plan.
Every business plan follows a generic outline but not every business plan is the same. Business plan outlines differ on 2 factors:
1. Type of Business: Details of critical success factors for businesses in your industry must be included in the plan. Technology companies will discuss R & D, intellectual property, and time to market. A retailer will feature pricing methods, inventory control, merchandising and location. Ensure that your plan is complete by addressing factors important to your industry.
2. Type of Audience: A banker business plan will be different from an investor plan. Bankers like to see risk assessment and planning, loan amounts, repayment terms and collateral. Investors want a return on investment, an exit strategy, and planned growth with the funds.
Business Plan Outline General
Executive Summary: overview of most important points of business plan and selling your business.
Company Description: mission statement, company overview, industry briefing, corporate history, legal structure.
Products & Services: description, R & D, pricing, delivery, production.
Marketing & Sales: market definition, customer profile, competitive & SWOT analysis, strategy, sales & promotion.
Operations: Legal & government issues, staffing, suppliers, alliances, policies, risk assessment, facilities, location, insurance, milestones.
Management: key job descriptions, responsibilities, management team, organizational chart, advisors.
Financials: Profit & loss, cash flow, balance sheet, financing, debt schedule, use of funds and assumptions, break-even analysis.
Business Plan Outline Extras
The extras are what takes a plan from 10 pages to 20 pages. More in-depth and detailed for higher levels of funding and a greater complexity of investors. No real need for extras if your plan does not require it. Here's a brief description of some of the extras that can be added to your business plan outline:
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Business
- SWOT Analysis: As part of your competitor profile, adding a Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats analysis can show your investors you understand the competitive landscape and your business can operate within that environment.
- Porter's Five Forces: Michael Porter's 5 forces framework is a standard business tool used by companies to evaluate an industry's key forces. This is an important extra to add to your business plan outline especially if you are a start-up or an existing business entering a new market.
- Glossary: If your business plan audience is not well-versed in your industry jargon, a glossary adds value to your overall plan. If you are writing a biotech business plan on gene therapy agents, determine the level of knowledge your target audience has on the subject.
- Publishing Value-Adds: These are simply publication elements to improve the readability and presentation of your plan. This can include: a cover page with logos, graphics, charts, and table of contents.
Your business plan will require an appendix following the financials for all supporting documents. This acts as a great reference area to back up your assumptions and provide added credibility to the plan. The appendix is not part of the plan but an addition. Therefore, a 10 page business plan will be 10 pages plus the cover, table of contents, and appendix.
What to Put in Your Business Plan Appendix?
- legal documents
- market studies
- resumes
- customer testimonies
- photographs & maps
- distributor/supplier list
- articles
- owner's personal financial statements
- tax statements
- advertising materials & brochures
- credit reports
- character references
- equipment list
- glossary
- reference section/bibliography
Boy do I have some work to do.
If not now then when?
You are exactly what you believe you are.
The only way you can fail is to no longer try.
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are.
No one will grant your wishes, you have to make them come true.
We do not sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing.
It's amazing to me how writing and rewriting certain messages can so drastically change the way you think about things. The brain is a muscle that needs trained like any other. Bad habit formed can be bad habits changed. Good habits ignored can become good habits reformed.
I've listened to this song more times than I can count and it ALWAYS changes my mood, however briefly. But up until recently I didn't quite get the meaning. Now, I can. I can see clearly now. The fog of depression is lifting and the sun is coming out.
Be thankful for what you do have and not envious of what you don't.
Reactions are choices.
In all things seek balance.
The first step is usually the hardest. And the scariest.
Have you ever stopped and asked "why shouldn't I"? Instead of all the other questions that come up, the self doubt, the worry. Why shouldn't I be happy? Why shouldn't I do things that I want to do? It's not selfish. If you aren't happy that affects everyone around you, every decision you make and how you feel every single day of your life. So why no be happy?
Find solutions to problems, trust your gut, it's usually right. Find what you love and do it. That's what I'm working on making happen. After many years. The only thing you can be is you. You may as well be you genuinely and proudly. And make happiness a priority instead of an afterthought.
If you laugh often, be real, associate with the right people, invest in relationships and always keep your word, good things will happen. And by saying the right people, I don't mean wealthy, or connected or anything like that. I mean people that compliment your life, people that bring you happiness and positivity. People that add something of substance to your life.
The one thing I wish I would have learned many years ago is how to LIVE instead of how to SURVIVE.
You are exactly what you believe you are.
The only way you can fail is to no longer try.
It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are.
No one will grant your wishes, you have to make them come true.
We do not sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing.
It's amazing to me how writing and rewriting certain messages can so drastically change the way you think about things. The brain is a muscle that needs trained like any other. Bad habit formed can be bad habits changed. Good habits ignored can become good habits reformed.
Be thankful for what you do have and not envious of what you don't.
Reactions are choices.
In all things seek balance.
The first step is usually the hardest. And the scariest.
Have you ever stopped and asked "why shouldn't I"? Instead of all the other questions that come up, the self doubt, the worry. Why shouldn't I be happy? Why shouldn't I do things that I want to do? It's not selfish. If you aren't happy that affects everyone around you, every decision you make and how you feel every single day of your life. So why no be happy?
Find solutions to problems, trust your gut, it's usually right. Find what you love and do it. That's what I'm working on making happen. After many years. The only thing you can be is you. You may as well be you genuinely and proudly. And make happiness a priority instead of an afterthought.
If you laugh often, be real, associate with the right people, invest in relationships and always keep your word, good things will happen. And by saying the right people, I don't mean wealthy, or connected or anything like that. I mean people that compliment your life, people that bring you happiness and positivity. People that add something of substance to your life.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Having a solid, set goal helps me so much. It gives me something to hold in my mind, something to think about. An idea with some substance to it. Everything else builds off of that. It helps with my motivation. I have to do A and B to get to C.
In two years things may have completely changed. My life seems to have a way of doing that. Someone once asked me if I planned my future and I didn't have an answer, not a decent one. It has occurred to me that planning ones future is the realm of fools. There is no way to know what the future will hold. According to some the world is going to end in December, there goes the future.
But a goal for me is like taking a bearing when lost in the woods. It gives me a direction to head. A path to walk instead of wandering aimlessly in circles. It's nice to have a direction to walk. I have a long list of things I need to accomplish in order to make this huge move possible.
The water calls to me, like the sirens to sailors. I only hope it's not calling me to my violent end on sharp rocks. But this feels like the right thing to do, the right direction for me. It feels like a good choice. Something I should do, I need to do, I will do. Two years. 24 months. 730 days. I can do this.
Inspiring songs for me
My entire life I've felt this draw to Florida. I can't explain it, don't understand it, know that I feel it. Like it's where I'm supposed to be. Now that could be totally wrong and I'm just nuts, but as I said, I've felt it my entire life. I've been there twice, loved it both times. I want to go back.
I've always done the wrong things for the wrong reasons. Or because I thought it was what I was supposed to do or someone else needed me to do. I've rarely done anything big because it's what I want to do. I followed my parents all over, around in circles and back to where we started, more than once.
So I've picked a place, or rather two (options are always good) that I would like to look at to move to in two years. Both are on the Gulf Coast of Florida. They are places I want to be, for me. And for my kids. I want to be happy for once. And I want to be back on the water. I miss having a boat under my feet, I miss the smell of diesel, the sound of the mains, I miss the feeling of the boat moving with the water, the smells, sights, sounds. I want to get back on it.
To do that I need a location with water and boats. That isn't Oregon. So, two years is the plan right now. We'll see what happens.
I've always done the wrong things for the wrong reasons. Or because I thought it was what I was supposed to do or someone else needed me to do. I've rarely done anything big because it's what I want to do. I followed my parents all over, around in circles and back to where we started, more than once.
So I've picked a place, or rather two (options are always good) that I would like to look at to move to in two years. Both are on the Gulf Coast of Florida. They are places I want to be, for me. And for my kids. I want to be happy for once. And I want to be back on the water. I miss having a boat under my feet, I miss the smell of diesel, the sound of the mains, I miss the feeling of the boat moving with the water, the smells, sights, sounds. I want to get back on it.
To do that I need a location with water and boats. That isn't Oregon. So, two years is the plan right now. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Now keep in mind I have zero artistic talent when looking at these. The one on the left is the all seeing eye with the yin/yang symbol in the eye. The second is a compass with the same points as the Dharma wheel. With the symbolism inside.
If you have talent and want to redraw them I sure wouldn't be offended. Some day I hope to have the money to get them done on my back. I am fascinated by the mixing of cultural symbols over the last few thousand years.
It's kind of like my memories have been until recently. Jumbled, mixed up, confused, crossed over. A mess. My mind has been slowly untangling them (my memories) like a fragile web. One thread at a time. I'm slowly realizing what has made me me. One memory at a time. Some good, many bad.
I'm finally beginning to understand who I am and why I am. And as I learn these I can fix those issues that need addressing. I'm understanding my love affair with food. This has been a slow process, at times it's felt like I don't move at all and at others like I'm zooming along like a rocket. I've gone around in circles, I've fallen in holes, I've gotten stuck in the much. But slowly, ever so slowly, I've moved steadily forward.
"..escaping into a cloud of numbness." I came across this line reading a book the other night and it struck me as so descriptive of what most of my life has been. A cloud of numbness. An all consuming, inescapable, world swallowing cloud.
It's funny to me now, the idea that so many people drink or consume one drug or another to become numb when I've worked so hard to do the exact opposite. Just as with smoking, I would never willingly go back to the way things have been for so long.
Another line from the same book "...If you let restlessness move you, you lose touch with who you are." Of course that same chapter went on to discuss something I only recently figured out. You can move a thousand times in search of something better but if you don't change yourself nothing else will change. I think I lost touch with who I am at some point. A human, just like a plant, can not thrive without growing roots. I've never had roots. They kept getting yanked up.
So, while I may yet get a chance to grow physical roots, I have been watering the plant within and growing roots of some kind. Or at least becoming more grounded and attached to self.
It's funny to me now, the idea that so many people drink or consume one drug or another to become numb when I've worked so hard to do the exact opposite. Just as with smoking, I would never willingly go back to the way things have been for so long.
Another line from the same book "...If you let restlessness move you, you lose touch with who you are." Of course that same chapter went on to discuss something I only recently figured out. You can move a thousand times in search of something better but if you don't change yourself nothing else will change. I think I lost touch with who I am at some point. A human, just like a plant, can not thrive without growing roots. I've never had roots. They kept getting yanked up.
So, while I may yet get a chance to grow physical roots, I have been watering the plant within and growing roots of some kind. Or at least becoming more grounded and attached to self.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'm not on a 7 day this or a 30 day that! I'm not losing 30 pounds this week, and I’m not starving myself to see that number move! My mind is and has been dialed into a new healthy life! It has been years not days in the making and even though I may not win every 5k, I will win my life’s marathon! ~ Robert Lee Kinder
Robert is a guy on Facebook who I follow. He often posts motivational quotes and sayings. This one struck me as particularly apropos and descriptive of how I feel lately. I know there is no fast track, there is no magic pill and even with surgery there are still issues.
And damnit, I like food. I watch my friends eat and see how much they can eat at any given time. Honestly I think that would drive me nuts. So many people think that 30 days will make some magic difference in them. It won't. Not one that lasts anyway.
I have, at this point decided against pursuing the surgical option. On the off chance that I become diabetic I will revisit it as an option, but as things are right now, let someone who needs it worse than I have the chance. I'm doing the old fashioned way. Diet change, exercise and lifestyle change.
If you are not happy and comfortable with the inner you can you do anything about the outer you? If you are sad, depressed, stressed out and generally miserable how can you alter the outer image? I don't think you can.
However, conversely, if you change the way you feel inside the outside seems to follow. I no longer have the urge to shove food in my mouth in the hopes of filling some bottomless void that can never be filled. Not by food anyway. I no longer feel detached and uncaring when I eat.
I suppose there are alternatives. One could take the surgical route. That seems to work fabulously for some people. At least on the outside. But have they addressed the issues inside. I didn't, for most of my life, I ignored them. I thought successfully. Until one day they all came out at once and almost killed me.
So it's been a three year battle out of a deep, dark place I lived for many many years. A vile, horrid place full of self pity, depression, loathing, it was a swamp of the worst possible kind. Full of quicksand and poisonous creatures waiting to strike. The only antidote at the time seemed to be food. So I fed them. I fed them mentally, emotionally and physically. And I grew in size as the monsters in the swamp grew in size. Eventually they turned on me and tried to eat me. They failed. But they did manage to take a couple large bites.
So here I am, after three years of work on me. With the help of some fabulous drugs and therapy, I feel better inside. I don't feel perfect, far from it. But I feel better. I no longer have the urge to paint a wall with the contents of my cranium. I still have issues that I am working on but I recognize them for what they are. They don't control me, I control them.
So then, what is my point you may ask? It is this; while working on the inside I have found that the outside follows. I feel better, I feel like doing things, I don't have the urge to constantly eat. I actually feel full and satisfied when I eat. I sleep better. I wake up at a decent time. I am starting to enjoy life again. I feel as if I'm rediscovering me. The me that once was, however briefly.
I have learned skills that many people learn at a young age. I did not. I don't blame my parents, they didn't know any better and they tried the best they knew how. But my childhood caused me much grief and set me down a long and dark path with no light at the end. It was a path to a vast swamp of misery and self loathing where I got trapped for many many years. When you're trapped in such a place you truly don't care about what is happening to the shell trapping your consciousness. In fact, I think the opposite is true, you try and destroy that shell as a means to escape the trap of the swamp.
But I am out of the swamp now. I am still in the marsh, but I found a trail that will eventually lead to a road that should lead to a highway. There will be many potholes and perhaps a traffic jamb or two, but no more quicksand or swamp creatures snapping at my feet.
However, conversely, if you change the way you feel inside the outside seems to follow. I no longer have the urge to shove food in my mouth in the hopes of filling some bottomless void that can never be filled. Not by food anyway. I no longer feel detached and uncaring when I eat.
I suppose there are alternatives. One could take the surgical route. That seems to work fabulously for some people. At least on the outside. But have they addressed the issues inside. I didn't, for most of my life, I ignored them. I thought successfully. Until one day they all came out at once and almost killed me.
So it's been a three year battle out of a deep, dark place I lived for many many years. A vile, horrid place full of self pity, depression, loathing, it was a swamp of the worst possible kind. Full of quicksand and poisonous creatures waiting to strike. The only antidote at the time seemed to be food. So I fed them. I fed them mentally, emotionally and physically. And I grew in size as the monsters in the swamp grew in size. Eventually they turned on me and tried to eat me. They failed. But they did manage to take a couple large bites.
So here I am, after three years of work on me. With the help of some fabulous drugs and therapy, I feel better inside. I don't feel perfect, far from it. But I feel better. I no longer have the urge to paint a wall with the contents of my cranium. I still have issues that I am working on but I recognize them for what they are. They don't control me, I control them.
So then, what is my point you may ask? It is this; while working on the inside I have found that the outside follows. I feel better, I feel like doing things, I don't have the urge to constantly eat. I actually feel full and satisfied when I eat. I sleep better. I wake up at a decent time. I am starting to enjoy life again. I feel as if I'm rediscovering me. The me that once was, however briefly.
I have learned skills that many people learn at a young age. I did not. I don't blame my parents, they didn't know any better and they tried the best they knew how. But my childhood caused me much grief and set me down a long and dark path with no light at the end. It was a path to a vast swamp of misery and self loathing where I got trapped for many many years. When you're trapped in such a place you truly don't care about what is happening to the shell trapping your consciousness. In fact, I think the opposite is true, you try and destroy that shell as a means to escape the trap of the swamp.
But I am out of the swamp now. I am still in the marsh, but I found a trail that will eventually lead to a road that should lead to a highway. There will be many potholes and perhaps a traffic jamb or two, but no more quicksand or swamp creatures snapping at my feet.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Why am I. It seems like such a simple question. Until I think about it. Why am I. Is there a reason I can't see. Is there a grand plan. Why am I. How did I come to be. And what are the infinitesimal chances of me being me. And in the end, does it matter.
So much dogma in the world. And it creates so much hate and killing and arguing. Fighting over who is right. But in the end, does it matter. To live a moral life does not require an ism. No dogma is required. If it takes a threat of eternal damnation, fire and brimstone to keep a person on a moral path chances are good they aren't a moral person at heart.
And what is more important. A persons actions or a persons intent. Or a persons true beliefs. If an atheist goes to church every week and no one knows he's an atheist, does it matter? Is there a higher power that created all. I don't know. No one truly knows the answer to that question. So why spend so much time worrying about it. Live a moral and ethical life because that is the right thing to do, not because of fear.
I don't know why I'm hear. I don't know how it happened. So many rocks in so many galaxies and we exist on this one. For a reason? Divine intervention? Creation? Or just luck. Evolution could easily have gone in a different direction. What some call god could easily have chosen another form for us. Yet here we are. Bone and blood and water all working together to make me. Fascinating;.
Every breath I take is amazing in its self. That I am alive, here, in this reality. Is this the only reality, the only existence? Is there more? I don't know. The only absolute in this life is death. It happens to us all. One way or another. For some it's a long and difficult road, for other it's short and abrupt. But we all travel the same road, from womb to tomb.
So why then do I spend so much time thinking about things that really don't matter in the long term. Stressing about things I have no control over. Starving myself so I can lose a few pounds. Life could end tomorrow. Have you lived it yet? Have I? We spend so much time worrying about what we want to have, what we think we need to have that we forget to enjoy what it is we do have. And the we're dead.
I intend to be the I I want to be. The I that is happy. I will no longer worry about that which I can not control, or that which I do not have. I will instead spend my energy on what I do have and be happy with what I do have.
So much dogma in the world. And it creates so much hate and killing and arguing. Fighting over who is right. But in the end, does it matter. To live a moral life does not require an ism. No dogma is required. If it takes a threat of eternal damnation, fire and brimstone to keep a person on a moral path chances are good they aren't a moral person at heart.
And what is more important. A persons actions or a persons intent. Or a persons true beliefs. If an atheist goes to church every week and no one knows he's an atheist, does it matter? Is there a higher power that created all. I don't know. No one truly knows the answer to that question. So why spend so much time worrying about it. Live a moral and ethical life because that is the right thing to do, not because of fear.
I don't know why I'm hear. I don't know how it happened. So many rocks in so many galaxies and we exist on this one. For a reason? Divine intervention? Creation? Or just luck. Evolution could easily have gone in a different direction. What some call god could easily have chosen another form for us. Yet here we are. Bone and blood and water all working together to make me. Fascinating;.
Every breath I take is amazing in its self. That I am alive, here, in this reality. Is this the only reality, the only existence? Is there more? I don't know. The only absolute in this life is death. It happens to us all. One way or another. For some it's a long and difficult road, for other it's short and abrupt. But we all travel the same road, from womb to tomb.
So why then do I spend so much time thinking about things that really don't matter in the long term. Stressing about things I have no control over. Starving myself so I can lose a few pounds. Life could end tomorrow. Have you lived it yet? Have I? We spend so much time worrying about what we want to have, what we think we need to have that we forget to enjoy what it is we do have. And the we're dead.
I intend to be the I I want to be. The I that is happy. I will no longer worry about that which I can not control, or that which I do not have. I will instead spend my energy on what I do have and be happy with what I do have.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Who am I
This is a question often asked by Buddhists. Does it have an answer other than the obvious? Who am I. What makes me me. Am I me because I think, therefor I am? Am I me because millions of atoms came together to give me form? Who am I.
Since death alone is certain and the time of death uncertain, what should I do? What should I do? Should I endeavor to be happy? Or make others happy? Should I do what I want, when I want and not worry about the consequences? Or should I, like a doctor, first do no harm.
What am I here for? Does my existence have a purpose? Can I die without regrets? If not, why not? How much of what I do is a compromise with others? Why do I compromise? Do I keep postponing what I really want to do until conditions are more favorable? Yes, yes I do.
So many questions and so few answers.
Since death alone is certain and the time of death uncertain, what should I do? What should I do? Should I endeavor to be happy? Or make others happy? Should I do what I want, when I want and not worry about the consequences? Or should I, like a doctor, first do no harm.
What am I here for? Does my existence have a purpose? Can I die without regrets? If not, why not? How much of what I do is a compromise with others? Why do I compromise? Do I keep postponing what I really want to do until conditions are more favorable? Yes, yes I do.
So many questions and so few answers.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The Sutra
Body is nothing more than emptiness,Which means...
emptiness is nothing more than body.
The body is exactly empty,
and emptiness is exactly body. The other four aspects of human existence --
feeling, thought, will, and consciousness --
are likewise nothing more than emptiness,
and emptiness nothing more than they.
All things are empty:
Nothing is born, nothing dies,
nothing is pure, nothing is stained,
nothing increases and nothing decreases.
So, in emptiness, there is no body,
no feeling, no thought,
no will, no consciousness.
There are no eyes, no ears,
no nose, no tongue,
no body, no mind.
There is no seeing, no hearing,
no smelling, no tasting,
no touching, no imagining.
There is nothing seen, nor heard,
nor smelled, nor tasted,
nor touched, nor imagined.
There is no ignorance,
and no end to ignorance.
There is no old age and death,
and no end to old age and death.
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering,
no end to suffering, no path to follow.
There is no attainment of wisdom,
and no wisdom to attain.
The Bodhisattvas rely on the Perfection of Wisdom,
and so with no delusions,
they feel no fear,
and have Nirvana here and now.
All the Buddhas,
past, present, and future,
rely on the Perfection of Wisdom,
and live in full enlightenment.
The Perfection of Wisdom is the greatest mantra.
It is the clearest mantra,
the highest mantra,
the mantra that removes all suffering.
This is truth that cannot be doubted.
Say it so:
Gaté,
gaté,
paragaté,
parasamgaté.
Bodhi!
Svaha!
Gone,
gone,
gone over,
gone fully over.
Awakened!
So be it!
gatha
Sit and be.
Sitting Meditation
Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower.
Breathing out, I feel fresh.
Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain
Breathing out, I feel solid.
Breathing in, I feel myself as still water.
Breathing out, I reflect things as they are.
Breathing in, I see myself as space.
Breathing out, I feel free.
Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.
As my in-breath grows deep,
My out breath grows slow.
Breathing in makes me calm.
Breathing out brings me ease.
With the in-breath, I smile,
With the out-breath I release.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
Feelings come and go, like clouds in a windy sky
Conscious breathing is my anchor.
The mind can go in a thousand directions,
But on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.
With each step, a cool wind blows.
With each step, a flower blooms.
But on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.
With each step, a cool wind blows.
With each step, a flower blooms.
Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment!
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment!
___________________________________________________
I have arrived (in-breath)
I am home (out-breath)
In the here (in)
And in the now (out) (repeat all four lines)
I am solid (in)
I am free (out) (repeat two lines)
In the ultimate I dwell (in)
In the Pure Land I dwell (out) (repeat two lines)
In (in breath, four steps)
Out (out breath, four steps)
Deep (in, four steps)
Slow (out, four steps)
Calm (in, four steps)
Ease (out, four steps)
Smile (in, four steps)
Release (out, four steps)
Present moment (in, four steps)
Wonderful moment (out, four steps)
Sitting Meditation
Sitting meditation is like returning home to give full attention to and
care for our self. Like the peaceful image of the Buddha on the altar,
we too can radiate peace and stability. The purpose of sitting
meditation is to enjoy. Don't try to attain anything! (See The Miracle
of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh, 1975.)
Sit in a
way that feels comfortable. If possible, inhale through your nostrils,
and notice your abdomen expand. Then, as you exhale, notice your
abdomen return to normal size. One way to help maintain awareness of
breathing is to recite a gatha. When you breathe in, say silently,
"In." As you breathe out, say silently, "Out."
After doing this for a
while, you might like to try a guided meditation. (See The Blooming of
the Lotus, Thich Nhat Hanh, 1993.)
Sitting meditation periods can be ten, twenty, or thirty minutes -- or
however long you like. Sitting is for your pleasure, so relax. If your
posture is causing you too much pain, feel free to adjust your
position, moving slowly and attentively, following your breathing and
every movement of your body so you will not lose your concentration.
You can even stand up slowly and mindfully if necessary, and when you
feel ready, sit down again. At the end of the period, allow a few
minutes to massage your legs and feet before standing up again.
Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in, I see myself as a flower.
Breathing out, I feel fresh.
Breathing in, I see myself as a mountain
Breathing out, I feel solid.
Breathing in, I feel myself as still water.
Breathing out, I reflect things as they are.
Breathing in, I see myself as space.
Breathing out, I feel free.
Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.
Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.
As my in-breath grows deep,
My out breath grows slow.
Breathing in makes me calm.
Breathing out brings me ease.
With the in-breath, I smile,
With the out-breath I release.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
Feelings come and go, like clouds in a windy sky
Conscious breathing is my anchor.
Walking Meditation Gatha
Let the Buddha breathe
let the Buddha walk
i don’t need to breathe
i don’t need to walk
Buddha is walking
Buddha is breathing
i am breathing
i am walking
Buddha is the walking
Buddha is the breathing
i am the walking
i am the breathing
there is only the breathing
there is only the walking
there is no breathe
there is no walk
peace while breathing
peace while walking
peace is the breathing itself
happiness is the walking itself
let the Buddha walk
i don’t need to breathe
i don’t need to walk
Buddha is walking
Buddha is breathing
i am breathing
i am walking
Buddha is the walking
Buddha is the breathing
i am the walking
i am the breathing
there is only the breathing
there is only the walking
there is no breathe
there is no walk
peace while breathing
peace while walking
peace is the breathing itself
happiness is the walking itself
Guided Imagery
From mindfulness we can move to guided imagery. Another form of visualization and relaxation. Guided imagery is a
program of directed thoughts and suggestions that guide your imagination toward
a relaxed, focused state. You can use an instructor, tapes, or scripts to help
you through this process. Below you will find three scripts that I found helpful. Google will find literally thousands more.
Guided imagery is somewhat an extension of mindfulness. You are in the moment someplace else. I love to use imagery when at the dentists office. I simply go to the beach and relax, feel the sun on my face, the water at my toes.
Guided imagery is based on the concept that your body and mind are connected. Using all of your senses, your body seems to respond as though what you are imagining is real. An example often used is to imagine an orange or a lemon in great detail-the smell, the color, the texture of the peel. Continue to imagine the smell of the lemon, and then see yourself taking a bite of the lemon and feel the juice squirting into your mouth. Many people salivate when they do this.
As I said, I go to the beach, my happy place. Or I imagine floating in water, the comfort, the weightlessness. The feel of the water around me, holding me up. The smell, the taste and the feel, all parts of my memory, come back and make the experience almost real.
Find this and other great books at http://www.healthjourneys.com/
Begin reading the self-esteem relaxation script here:
Find a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Notice how you are feeling right now... physically and mentally.
Take a deep breath in through your nose, and release the breath through your mouth.
Take another breath, and allow your breathing to relax you as you exhale fully.
Breathe in gently... and as you breathe out, let the air carry the tension out of your body.
Continue to breathe slowly and gently as you begin to focus on relaxing your body.
Notice where your body is tense. Focus your attention on one of these areas. As you breathe, picture that part of your body becoming slightly more relaxed than it was before. With each breath, that part of your body becomes a little more relaxed.
Imagine what the relaxation feels like..... tingly.... soft.... gentle....calm....loose....free... and let that feeling of relaxation grow.
Scan your body for any areas of tension, and for each area, let the relaxation soften the muscles as they give up their hold. Let the feeling of relaxation grow....spreading calm throughout your body.
Breathe in relaxation..... and breathe out tension..... breathe in calm.... and let all the tension go as you exhale....
Continue to breathe slowly, and gently, deepening your state of relaxation more and more with each breath. Deeper and deeper. More and more relaxed. Calm. At peace.
Now begin to create a picture in your mind. Imagine a place where you feel completely at ease. This might be a favorite place you have been, or somewhere you have seen, or it might be completely imaginary. It's up to you. Picture this place where you feel happy and calm.
Create the details about this place in your mind. Visualize the sights.... sounds.... and smells... of your place. Imagine how you feel physically. You are comfortable, enjoying the pleasant temperature..... enjoying being still and relaxing or doing whatever enjoyable activities you participate in here.....
Enjoy the way you feel in this safe place.
You feel calm and safe here. At peace with yourself.
Remain in your peaceful place while you meditate calmly and build your self-esteem.
Imagine that all of the following affirmations are true for you, right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation you experience. Repeat each affirmation in your mind, or out loud, with conviction. Use your imagination to fully believe each self-esteem relaxation affirmation.
Think again about your peaceful place. Picture
yourself enjoying this environment. Acknowledge the feelings you are
experiencing after repeating the self-esteem relaxation affirmations.
Accept any positive or negative feelings you are having. Allow yourself
to feel calm and at peace.
Now it is time to leave your special place. Know that you can return here in your imagination any time to relax, feel calm and relaxed, and feel comfortable and safe. Take with you the feelings of acceptance of yourself, and belief in the self-esteem relaxation affirmations. Continue to feel positive and accepting of yourself. Hold onto this secure feeling of self-esteem as you return to your day.
In a moment I will count to 3. If you choose to sleep, you can drift into a relaxing and pleasant sleep on the count of 3. If you wish to become fully awake, you can increase your alertness and become energized and fully alert on the count of 3.
One... take a deep, cleansing breath in... and exhale slowly.
Two... take another deep breath.... and exhale...
Three.... you are feeling calm, confident, and refreshed.
Relaxation is effective in providing relief from headaches. This
relaxation for headache relief script will describe ways to cope with
and reduce headache pain.
Relaxation can allow you to influence physical responses that are usually automatic – such as blood flow and muscle tension, the primary causes of migraine headaches and tension headaches. By reversing the physical causes of headaches, it is possible to achieve headache relief through relaxation.
Before you begin, take note of how you are feeling. Notice your headache. If you were to rate the severity of this headache, with zero being no pain at all and 10 being the worst imaginable pain, what rating would you assign right now? Rate your headache from zero to 10.
Find a comfortable position – sitting in a supportive chair or lying down are ideal – and start to relax your body with some gentle stretches. During this headache relief script, stop or ease up if you experience pain or discomfort. Listen to your body and make sure to stretch gently and safely.
Lower your left ear toward your left shoulder. Return to center. Lower your right ear toward your right shoulder. Return to center. Repeat, leaning left.... center .... right.... center .... left.... center .... right..... center.
Now lower your chin toward your chest. Allow the weight of your head to stretch the back of your neck, with your muscles relaxed.... No force..... just allow your head to hang forward.
Keeping your head forward, roll slightly to the left and upward, back to center... now slightly to the right and upward. Your head will move left to right, tracing a slight U shape. Left... forward.... right.....forward.... left...... forward..... right..... forward.
Now return to a neutral position. Look up, gently leaning your head back to stretch the front of your neck. Return to neutral. Look up one more time, stretching.... relaxing.... and return to neutral.
Bring your shoulders up toward your ears.... hold..... now lower your shoulders. Bring them even lower still.... Return to neutral. Repeat one more time, raising your shoulders up..... and then lowering them.... Now relax your shoulders into a low neutral position.
Shake your shoulders front to back by bringing your left shoulder back a short distance while you move your right shoulder forward a small amount. Now move your right shoulder back and the left one forward. Repeat rapidly... shake..... shake..... shake. Relax your shoulders now. Feel the tension leaving your body as you relax. Notice the beginning of headache relief as your muscles relax and let go.
Focus now on your breathing. Breathe in deeply. Feel the air you breathe in relax and sooth you. Exhale fully, breathing out all the air.... Relaxing as you breathe out.
Take another deep breath in..... and out..... in...... out....
Continue breathing deeply.
Turn your attention now to your headache. Where is the rating right now, from zero to 10? Allow the headache relief to occur as you relax further.
Notice specifically where the pain is located. When you breathe in, imagine that you are breathing relaxation into this area. When you breathe out, imagine exhaling away tension. In your mind, direct your breath to this area.
Imagine now that your feet are warm, becoming even warmer. Feel the warmth increasing in your feet and in your legs.
Notice your hands, and imagine that the palms of your hands are warming. Picture your hands becoming warm and heavy.... Your arms also becoming warm and relaxed.
Your arms and legs are very heavy and very warm. Very relaxed. Allow the warmth in your arms and legs to increase. Warmer and warmer.
Turn your attention to your forehead. Imagine that your forehead is smooth and cool. Feel the coolness on your forehead – as if a block of ice is a few inches away from your skin, and you can feel the cool air from the ice moving gently across the skin of your forehead. Your forehead feels quite cool – you can feel that the ice is very near, but it does not touch your skin.
Allow the feeling of coolness to move along the surface of your face and head. Starting from your eyebrows, feel the cool air on your eyelids and cheeks. Feel the coolness spreading to the top of your head, the sides of your head, the back of your head. It is so pleasant and cool. The coolness provides headache relief.
Imagine wrapping your head in a cool, wet cloth. Imagine the first strip of cloth laying across your forehead, and then above your left ear, around the back of your head, above your right ear, and over your forehead again. Imagine wrapping your head completely in comforting, soothing coolness. It is wrapped fairly tightly, and the pressure feels good. It pushes away the pain you were experiencing, leaving only a calming firm touch. It is very cool.
Imagine that the cloth that wraps your head becomes slightly looser. Feel your body relaxing, just as the cloth is relaxing.....
You can barely feel the cloth on your skin now, as it becomes looser still. You are feeling very comfortable and relaxed.Let a feeling of relaxation begin at the very top of your head. It might feel heavy... or light... it might feel tingly..... feel the relaxation at the top of your head.
Allow the feeling of relaxation and to grow, expanding with each breath you take. The air you breathe in adds to the relaxation. The calm and relaxation you are experiencing allows you to experience headache relief. The relaxation is like a bubble of peace and calm, growing larger and larger as more relaxation is added each time you breathe in. The area around the relaxation gets smaller with each breath out as you exhale any feelings of tension.
Let the relaxation grow, spreading to your eyebrows, eyelids, eyes, cheeks, nose, mouth, chin. Feel the relaxation filling up the space inside your head. Relaxing the top of your head, the back of your head, the sides of your head, your ears.
Feel the very top of your neck relaxing, and the tingly feeling of relaxation spreading down the back of your neck.... the sides of your neck..... the front of your neck.... Your shoulders.
With each breath, imagine the relaxation filling your body more and more. Growing downward from your shoulders.... Reaching the level of your elbows and belly button. Relaxation growing, reaching the level of your hips..... knees.... All the way down to your feet.
Your entire body is loose, comfortable, heavy, and relaxed.
Feel any pain or discomfort dissipating, dissolving.... Becoming smaller and smaller as the relaxation grows.
You can become even more deeply relaxed as you focus again on your breathing. Do not try to change anything, simply notice your breathing and focus your attention on each breath.
For the next 2 minutes, repeat “I am” each time you inhale, and “relaxed” each time you exhale.
I am.....
Relaxed.....
I am.....
Relaxed.....
Continue on your own for a few moments. As your thoughts wander, simply return your attention to the words you are repeating in this headache relief script.
(pause)
I am.....
Relaxed.....
I am.....
Relaxed.....
You are deeply relaxed. Let your thoughts drift now for a few moments as you simply enjoy the feeling of relaxation. Enjoy the feeling of headache relief. Complete and total relaxation, peace, and calm. Pleasant headache relief. Peaceful and relaxed.
(pause)
You have completed the relaxation for headache relief script. You can choose now to become alert and awake, or drift off to sleep.
I will count from 5 to 1. If you choose to reawaken, become more alert with each number, until at 1 you are fully awake. If you decide to sleep, you can drift off as I count.
5
4
3
2
1
Guided imagery is somewhat an extension of mindfulness. You are in the moment someplace else. I love to use imagery when at the dentists office. I simply go to the beach and relax, feel the sun on my face, the water at my toes.
Guided imagery is based on the concept that your body and mind are connected. Using all of your senses, your body seems to respond as though what you are imagining is real. An example often used is to imagine an orange or a lemon in great detail-the smell, the color, the texture of the peel. Continue to imagine the smell of the lemon, and then see yourself taking a bite of the lemon and feel the juice squirting into your mouth. Many people salivate when they do this.
As I said, I go to the beach, my happy place. Or I imagine floating in water, the comfort, the weightlessness. The feel of the water around me, holding me up. The smell, the taste and the feel, all parts of my memory, come back and make the experience almost real.
3 Principles of Guided Imagery
First Principle: The Mind-Body Connection
First of all, to the body, images created in the mind can be almost as real as
actual, external events.
The mind doesn't quite get the difference.
That's why, when we read a recipe, we start to salivate. The mind is constructing
images of the food -- how it looks, tastes and smells; it might even be evoking
the sounds of the food cooking or the feel of its texture as it's being chewed.
And all the while, the body is thinking "dinner is served", and is responding by
generating saliva and appetite.
The mind cues the body especially well if the images evoke sensory memory and fantasy
sights, sounds, smells, feel and taste and when there is a strong emotional
element involved. So, for instance, a strongly evocative image might be remembering
the sound and timbre of Daddy's smiling voice, telling you he's proud of you; or
the internal bristling of energy all through your body as you realize that you are
about to triumph at something that you are home free golden.
These sensory images are the true language of the body, the only language it understands,
immediately and without question.
Second Principle: The Altered State
Secondly, in the altered state, we're capable of more rapid and intense healing,
growth, learning and performance.
We are even more intuitive and creative.
In this ordinary but profound mind-state, our brainwave activity and our biochemistry
shift. Our moods and cognition change. We can do things we couldn't in a normal,
waking state lift a tree that has fallen on a child; write an extraordinarily
delicious poem; replace our terror of a surgical procedure with a calming sense
of safety and optimism; abate a life-threatening histamine response to a bee sting.
We wander in and out of altered states all through the day, as a matter of course.
Sometimes it's not a conscious choice, and we drive past our exit on the highway.At
best, the altered state is a state of relaxed focus, a kind of calm but energized
alertness, a highly functional form of focused reverie. Attention is concentrated
on one thing or on a very narrow band of things.
As this happens, we find we have a heightened sensitivity to the object of our attention,
and a decreased awareness of other things going on around us, things we would ordinarily
notice. We are so engrossed, we lose track of time or don't hear people talking
to us. Or we are so focused on our tennis, we don't realized we were playing on
a broken ankle, and the pain isn't perceived until the game is over.
The altered state is the power cell of guided imagery. When we consciously apply
it, we have an awesome ally, a prodigious source of internal strength and skill.
Third Principle: Locus of Control
The third principle is often referred to in the medical literature as the "locus
of control" factor. When we have a sense of being in control, that, in and of
itself, can help us to feel better and do better.
Feeling in control is associated with higher optimism, self esteem, and ability
to tolerate pain, ambiguity and stress. Decades of research in ego psychology informs
us that we feel better about ourselves and perform better when we have a sense of
mastery over the environment. Conversely, a sense of helplessness lowers self-esteem,
our ability to cope and our optimism about the future.
Because guided imagery is an entirely internally driven activity, and the user can
decide when, where, how and if it is applied, it has the salutary effect of helping
us feel we have some control.
So, when you put all this together, you have a technique that generates an altered
state, in which the mind is directed toward multi-sensory images that the body perceives
as real. This is done exactly when, where and how the user wishes. And that's why
it's so effective.
Find this and other great books at http://www.healthjourneys.com/
A script for self esteem:
Below you will find three scripts that I got from the web. They are free and can be downloaded at the link I provided. With practice these do help. To what degree they help I think is entirely up to you. As with most things, the mind is a huge factor. If you believe it works it works.
Find a comfortable position sitting or lying down. Notice how you are feeling right now... physically and mentally.
Take a deep breath in through your nose, and release the breath through your mouth.
Take another breath, and allow your breathing to relax you as you exhale fully.
Breathe in gently... and as you breathe out, let the air carry the tension out of your body.
Continue to breathe slowly and gently as you begin to focus on relaxing your body.
Notice where your body is tense. Focus your attention on one of these areas. As you breathe, picture that part of your body becoming slightly more relaxed than it was before. With each breath, that part of your body becomes a little more relaxed.
Imagine what the relaxation feels like..... tingly.... soft.... gentle....calm....loose....free... and let that feeling of relaxation grow.
Scan your body for any areas of tension, and for each area, let the relaxation soften the muscles as they give up their hold. Let the feeling of relaxation grow....spreading calm throughout your body.
Breathe in relaxation..... and breathe out tension..... breathe in calm.... and let all the tension go as you exhale....
Continue to breathe slowly, and gently, deepening your state of relaxation more and more with each breath. Deeper and deeper. More and more relaxed. Calm. At peace.
Now begin to create a picture in your mind. Imagine a place where you feel completely at ease. This might be a favorite place you have been, or somewhere you have seen, or it might be completely imaginary. It's up to you. Picture this place where you feel happy and calm.
Create the details about this place in your mind. Visualize the sights.... sounds.... and smells... of your place. Imagine how you feel physically. You are comfortable, enjoying the pleasant temperature..... enjoying being still and relaxing or doing whatever enjoyable activities you participate in here.....
Enjoy the way you feel in this safe place.
You feel calm and safe here. At peace with yourself.
Remain in your peaceful place while you meditate calmly and build your self-esteem.
Imagine that all of the following affirmations are true for you, right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation you experience. Repeat each affirmation in your mind, or out loud, with conviction. Use your imagination to fully believe each self-esteem relaxation affirmation.
The self-esteem relaxation affirmations begin now.
I am at peace with myself.
I appreciate who I am.
I value myself as a person.
All people have value, and I am a valuable human being.
I deserve to relax.
I deserve to be happy.
I embrace my happy feelings, and enjoy being content.
I imagine and believe that all of these affirmations are true for me,
right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation I am
experiencing.
When my mood is low, I accept my emotions and recognize that the low
mood will pass, and I will be happy again. I look forward to the good
times. My future is bright and positive.
I look forward to the future, and I enjoy the present.
I look fondly upon many memories from my past.
I forgive myself for my mistakes. All people make mistakes. I used to
feel regret about some of my mistakes because I am a good person and
want to do the best that I can, and now, I am still a good person and I
release the feelings of regret because I have learned and moved on. I
forgive myself for errors I have made, because I have felt bad about
them long enough. I have suffered enough, and now it is time to be free.
By freeing myself from past mistakes, I can move on and do good things.
I forgive myself.
I imagine and believe that all of these affirmations are true for me,
right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation I am
experiencing.
I feel good about who I am today.
I accept the person that I am. I accept my flaws, and accept my strengths.
I view my shortcomings as strengths not yet developed, rather than as weaknesses.
I eagerly develop new strengths.
I imagine and believe that all of these affirmations are true for me,
right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation I am
experiencing.
I approach challenges with strength.
I do the best that I can at the time. I give 100% effort when I am able
and when I choose to put full effort toward the things that are
important. I accept my imperfections and the imperfections in what I do.
My efforts are good enough, and they're okay.
I do not have to be perfect to be okay as a person.
I am a human being with flaws. I enjoy being who I am, and love myself as I am.
I nurture the child within me.
I feel secure in who I am, and do not need to compare myself to others.
All of the strengths I have ever had are present in me today. I still
have the same positive character, even if not all of my strengths are
shown right now. I have all of those strengths of character, and will
use those strengths again.
I imagine and believe that all of these affirmations are true for me,
right now in this moment, and enjoy the self-esteem relaxation I am
experiencing.
I accept myself.
I care for myself.
I take time for myself, and enjoy it. I deserve time for myself, and I feel good about taking this time regularly.
I handle difficulties with grace.
I allow myself to experience and express emotions, both negative and positive.
I accept myself.
I am perfectly alright just the way I am.
I accept myself.
I am a valuable human being.
I accept myself.
I feel confident.
I accept myself.
I feel secure.
I accept myself.
I accept myself.
Now it is time to leave your special place. Know that you can return here in your imagination any time to relax, feel calm and relaxed, and feel comfortable and safe. Take with you the feelings of acceptance of yourself, and belief in the self-esteem relaxation affirmations. Continue to feel positive and accepting of yourself. Hold onto this secure feeling of self-esteem as you return to your day.
In a moment I will count to 3. If you choose to sleep, you can drift into a relaxing and pleasant sleep on the count of 3. If you wish to become fully awake, you can increase your alertness and become energized and fully alert on the count of 3.
One... take a deep, cleansing breath in... and exhale slowly.
Two... take another deep breath.... and exhale...
Three.... you are feeling calm, confident, and refreshed.
Relaxation for Headache Relief
Relaxation can allow you to influence physical responses that are usually automatic – such as blood flow and muscle tension, the primary causes of migraine headaches and tension headaches. By reversing the physical causes of headaches, it is possible to achieve headache relief through relaxation.
Before you begin, take note of how you are feeling. Notice your headache. If you were to rate the severity of this headache, with zero being no pain at all and 10 being the worst imaginable pain, what rating would you assign right now? Rate your headache from zero to 10.
Find a comfortable position – sitting in a supportive chair or lying down are ideal – and start to relax your body with some gentle stretches. During this headache relief script, stop or ease up if you experience pain or discomfort. Listen to your body and make sure to stretch gently and safely.
Lower your left ear toward your left shoulder. Return to center. Lower your right ear toward your right shoulder. Return to center. Repeat, leaning left.... center .... right.... center .... left.... center .... right..... center.
Now lower your chin toward your chest. Allow the weight of your head to stretch the back of your neck, with your muscles relaxed.... No force..... just allow your head to hang forward.
Keeping your head forward, roll slightly to the left and upward, back to center... now slightly to the right and upward. Your head will move left to right, tracing a slight U shape. Left... forward.... right.....forward.... left...... forward..... right..... forward.
Now return to a neutral position. Look up, gently leaning your head back to stretch the front of your neck. Return to neutral. Look up one more time, stretching.... relaxing.... and return to neutral.
Bring your shoulders up toward your ears.... hold..... now lower your shoulders. Bring them even lower still.... Return to neutral. Repeat one more time, raising your shoulders up..... and then lowering them.... Now relax your shoulders into a low neutral position.
Shake your shoulders front to back by bringing your left shoulder back a short distance while you move your right shoulder forward a small amount. Now move your right shoulder back and the left one forward. Repeat rapidly... shake..... shake..... shake. Relax your shoulders now. Feel the tension leaving your body as you relax. Notice the beginning of headache relief as your muscles relax and let go.
Focus now on your breathing. Breathe in deeply. Feel the air you breathe in relax and sooth you. Exhale fully, breathing out all the air.... Relaxing as you breathe out.
Take another deep breath in..... and out..... in...... out....
Continue breathing deeply.
Turn your attention now to your headache. Where is the rating right now, from zero to 10? Allow the headache relief to occur as you relax further.
Notice specifically where the pain is located. When you breathe in, imagine that you are breathing relaxation into this area. When you breathe out, imagine exhaling away tension. In your mind, direct your breath to this area.
Imagine now that your feet are warm, becoming even warmer. Feel the warmth increasing in your feet and in your legs.
Notice your hands, and imagine that the palms of your hands are warming. Picture your hands becoming warm and heavy.... Your arms also becoming warm and relaxed.
Your arms and legs are very heavy and very warm. Very relaxed. Allow the warmth in your arms and legs to increase. Warmer and warmer.
Turn your attention to your forehead. Imagine that your forehead is smooth and cool. Feel the coolness on your forehead – as if a block of ice is a few inches away from your skin, and you can feel the cool air from the ice moving gently across the skin of your forehead. Your forehead feels quite cool – you can feel that the ice is very near, but it does not touch your skin.
Allow the feeling of coolness to move along the surface of your face and head. Starting from your eyebrows, feel the cool air on your eyelids and cheeks. Feel the coolness spreading to the top of your head, the sides of your head, the back of your head. It is so pleasant and cool. The coolness provides headache relief.
Imagine wrapping your head in a cool, wet cloth. Imagine the first strip of cloth laying across your forehead, and then above your left ear, around the back of your head, above your right ear, and over your forehead again. Imagine wrapping your head completely in comforting, soothing coolness. It is wrapped fairly tightly, and the pressure feels good. It pushes away the pain you were experiencing, leaving only a calming firm touch. It is very cool.
Imagine that the cloth that wraps your head becomes slightly looser. Feel your body relaxing, just as the cloth is relaxing.....
You can barely feel the cloth on your skin now, as it becomes looser still. You are feeling very comfortable and relaxed.Let a feeling of relaxation begin at the very top of your head. It might feel heavy... or light... it might feel tingly..... feel the relaxation at the top of your head.
Allow the feeling of relaxation and to grow, expanding with each breath you take. The air you breathe in adds to the relaxation. The calm and relaxation you are experiencing allows you to experience headache relief. The relaxation is like a bubble of peace and calm, growing larger and larger as more relaxation is added each time you breathe in. The area around the relaxation gets smaller with each breath out as you exhale any feelings of tension.
Let the relaxation grow, spreading to your eyebrows, eyelids, eyes, cheeks, nose, mouth, chin. Feel the relaxation filling up the space inside your head. Relaxing the top of your head, the back of your head, the sides of your head, your ears.
Feel the very top of your neck relaxing, and the tingly feeling of relaxation spreading down the back of your neck.... the sides of your neck..... the front of your neck.... Your shoulders.
With each breath, imagine the relaxation filling your body more and more. Growing downward from your shoulders.... Reaching the level of your elbows and belly button. Relaxation growing, reaching the level of your hips..... knees.... All the way down to your feet.
Your entire body is loose, comfortable, heavy, and relaxed.
Feel any pain or discomfort dissipating, dissolving.... Becoming smaller and smaller as the relaxation grows.
You can become even more deeply relaxed as you focus again on your breathing. Do not try to change anything, simply notice your breathing and focus your attention on each breath.
For the next 2 minutes, repeat “I am” each time you inhale, and “relaxed” each time you exhale.
I am.....
Relaxed.....
I am.....
Relaxed.....
Continue on your own for a few moments. As your thoughts wander, simply return your attention to the words you are repeating in this headache relief script.
(pause)
I am.....
Relaxed.....
I am.....
Relaxed.....
You are deeply relaxed. Let your thoughts drift now for a few moments as you simply enjoy the feeling of relaxation. Enjoy the feeling of headache relief. Complete and total relaxation, peace, and calm. Pleasant headache relief. Peaceful and relaxed.
(pause)
You have completed the relaxation for headache relief script. You can choose now to become alert and awake, or drift off to sleep.
I will count from 5 to 1. If you choose to reawaken, become more alert with each number, until at 1 you are fully awake. If you decide to sleep, you can drift off as I count.
5
4
3
2
1
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