And both scare the crap out of me. It's not a fear of failure. That I'm good at. Failing and quiting, yep, got those down. I think, as odd as it sounds to me, it's a fear of success, a fear of being happy. How fucked up is that. And why is that? Who fears success??
I know that I can make money doing what I want to do. I know I know how to do what I want to do. Taking that first step scares the crap out of me and makes it almost impossible.
I need to figure this out.
In psychology, fear of success is about being subconsciously afraid of
succeeding. These signs of self-sabotage reveal how fear and
perfectionism hold you back.
Fear of success can be just as paralyzing as fear of failure. Many
people fear success because it tests their limits and makes them
vulnerable to new situations. Even worse, success can expose weaknesses
and force people to deal with their flaws.Success is scary because it involves change. Success can be intimidating and hard to handle. With success comes more challenges and responsibilities – and that can be threatening.
Sometimes people fear success because they don’t know if they can live up to their achievements. They don’t think they’re good enough or smart enough. They're afraid they don't have what it takes to rise to the challenge, and they don't know if they can sustain their success.
Fear of Success and Fear of Failure
Interestingly, fear of failure does appear to be connected to the fear of success. Research has shown that both conditions share many of the same symptoms. Both are marked by anxiety symptoms in certain situations, such as tests and job interviews. Both conditions can be crippling, leading the sufferer to take few risks and make only safe, conservative choices.
Fear of success also appears to be related to the level of control that the sufferer feels in his or her own life. Those who feel that external forces are in control tend to be at a higher risk for fear of success. It could be that they do not feel that their success has been earned, or it could be that they fear outside forces may take away their success.
Some people seem to fear both success and failure simultaneously. This can be a very difficult situation to be in, as every choice that the person makes must be weighed against these fears. It is entirely possible for someone in this situation to become paralyzed with indecision, unable to make any choices at all.
1) Identify your fear (in this case, fear of success).
2) Identify your underlying beliefs about success. It might be helpful to write several endings to the following sentence stems, spending a few minutes every day for a week on this exercise:
a) Success means . . .
This question just brings a complete blank. Feelings of panic and anxiety but no real answers to the question. I have hypotheticals and they are all positive.
b) If I experienced total success . . .
3) Identify where those beliefs originated. You didn't just make them up out of thin air-you got them from somewhere. Search your mind and soul for their origins.
4) Challenge each belief through the rational eyes of an adult. Note where it came from and what that person's or organization's agenda likely was.
5) Decide which beliefs to keep, which to remodel, and which to throw in the dumpster. For those you toss out, be sure to create a healthy belief to adopt in its place so you don't leave a vacuum.
It would seem I need not only toss out what ever ones I have buried in my subconscious, but to actually create some.
6) Note the successes you've backed away from during your life. In each case, was it because you were uncomfortable with that level of success, or was it a case of covert rebellion against achieving someone else's definition of success? For example, some women love being a receptionist and would absolutely despise having to be a manager or director, so they sabotage their chances. That's not a bad thing. Just learn to make conscious choices.
The depression made me do it. Fear of....being happy?
7) Increase your self-esteem so you can tolerate greater levels of happiness and success. For help with this, try working through The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, by Dr. Nathaniel Branden.
8) Find a less threatening area of your life to become successful in. This way you can practice living peacefully with success before expanding it to the other areas of your life.
9) Create a great support system for yourself (it doesn't have to include family if they bring you down.) A great support system is comprised of people who bring you up, bring out the best in you, and encourage, even require, you to be your own best self.
10) Decide what your own ideal level of success is, then reach and maintain it, letting everything else go. Also, remember that what you want at this stage of your life could change, so your ideal life is certainly not written in stone. Allow it to change as you grow.
The Fear of Success: How to Overcome It. Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself. 593 words.
The Fear of Success
How to Overcome It
Bill Cole, MS, MA
Founder and CEO
William B. Cole Consultants
Silicon Valley, California
Is the fear of success real? How could anyone possibly fear such a wonderfully positive thing as success? As strange as it sounds, many people do fear success. This fear holds them back from achieving their goals and dreams. It may sound more reasonable to fear failure, and not to fear success. What is this all about? Here are some reasons people fear success. Think these through and you'll begin to resolve these issues within yourself.
1. Change Itself Is Scary: it's easier to maintain status quo and go along unthinkingly. Life is easier when we can live it on auto-pilot. Change brings us into the unknown with its mix of exciting adventure and scary possibilities.
2. People Will Expect You to Succeed Again: there is a new pressure to perform to a level that was not there before. You are aware of people watching and waiting for you to repeat your success.
3. The Bar Has Been Raised on Your Performance Levels: your old habits and processes will not work. You have to change familiar and comfortable ways of being for the new.
4. You Will Get More Attention From People: if you are a private person, or are not used to having an audience, this will take some adjusting.
5. Your Private Life May Suffer: athletes and movie actors who make it big complain that they have privacy no longer and that they must hire security and worry about financial and personal safety issues.
6. You Question If You Can Do It Again: you may wonder if the first victory was a fluke the next time you perform, and if you fail, people will say it was an accident. This puts added pressure on this second performance and takes away the value of the first performance should you fail.
7. Your Time Demands Will Change: you have less time now because maintaining new levels of performance bring new demands on your time, new details you've never had.
8. People Expect You to "Be" a Certain Way Now: famous stars in show business are expected to be big tippers or to sign autographs, and if they don't, are denigrated. People have a set of expectations about how you should behave in your new position.
9. It's Harder to Stay at the Top Than to Get There: it was tough succeeding, but repeating it is usually even harder. It takes more time, more planning and with your new distractions and obligations, keeping focus is even more demanding.
10. You Make Enemies When You Perform Higher Than Them: you may leave former peers behind, symbolically and literally, when you raise the bar. Many people may be happy for your success and others feel slighted and envious.
11. Being a Success Can Limit You: when an actor hits it big in a role, they are forever remembered as that character-and if they don't manage their career well, they will become type-cast. When you do a great job on a project, you might be known as "the one" to do this job for eternity because you are "so good" at it.
12. Being a Success Changes Your Self-Image: perhaps you've always wondered if you could succeed at something. You may not have felt worthy of this success. People may have told you, covertly or overtly, that you don't deserve success. You at least know your place as one who is average. When you succeed, people will look to you for advice, leadership, as being a model of virtue and you will forever change how you see yourself.
Copyright © 2005-2011 Bill Cole, MS, MA. All rights reserved.
Bill Cole, MS, MA, a leading authority on peak performance, mental toughness and coaching, is founder and CEO of William B. Cole Consultants, a consulting firm that helps organizations and professionals achieve more success in business, life and sports. He is also the Founder and President of the International Mental Game Coaching Association (www.mentalgamecoaching.com), an organization dedicated to advancing the research, development, professionalism and growth of mental game coaching worldwide. He is a multiple Hall-Of-Fame honoree as an athlete, coach and school alumnus, an award-winning scholar-athlete, published book author and articles author, and has coached at the highest levels of major-league pro sports, big-time college athletics and corporate America. For a free, extensive article archive, or for questions and comments visit him at www.MentalGameCoach.com.
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Signs of Fear of Success and Self-Sabotage
1. “Partying” the night before the big presentation. This can be literal partying (drinking too much, experimenting with drugs, staying out until the wee hours) or metaphorical partying (cleaning your house until 3 a.m., drinking too much coffee or soda pop so you can’t sleep). You may be flirting with self-sabotage if you somehow always ruin a good night’s rest before a big presentation, exam, or job interview.
I haven't done that in years.
2. Procrastination. Putting projects, assignments, or duties off while you take care of non-essential fluff or "make-work" chores can be a sign of fear of success. If you putter around instead of taking care of business, you may be subconsciously sabotaging yourself.
GUILTY. Oh so GUILTY of this one. Yep, I do it alllllllll the time.
3. All talk, no action. Sometimes certain behaviors look like laziness, but they reveal a fear of success. For instance, you may talk about your life dreams and goals all the time, but you watch TV every night and surf the Internet for hours every day. You never actually take practical steps or exert self-discipline to move in the direction of your goals.
I make two things really well, plans and excuses why they won't work.
4. Negative, pessimistic thoughts and behaviors. Fear of success can involve an extremely negative perspective of life. “What’s the point of dressing up for the job interview? I probably won’t get it anyway.” Not trying – and focusing on all the things that can go wrong – is self-sabotaging behavior.
What’s the benefit of these self-sabotaging behaviors? They provide an escape hatch. That is, if you party the night before or put your project off to the last minute, you can then shrug off your performance. You have an excuse for not doing well. Instead of facing the fear that you're not good or smart enough, you chalk it up to too many beers.
Read more at Suite101: What Is Fear of Success? Signs of Self-Sabotage: Signs of Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships & Goals, & Why You Do It | Suite101.com http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/how-fear-of-success-works-a49666#ixzz1l0YHI6Ct
Bridging the mind-body gap
by Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT
Fear of Success
The excitement of success can feel close to anxiety for some.
Published on January 3, 2011 by Dr. Susanne Babbel, Ph.D., MFT in Somatic Psychology
www.bodyconversations.com "Why are some people afraid to succeed but not to fail? Why are some more afraid of failure? How can one learn to embrace these two fears? What is the difference between them?"
A young Canadian woman wrote to me recently with these inquiries. I thought they were excellent questions, and decided to share my thoughts and findings here.
We are all so complex, and the way we react to situations and anticipate results is based on many physiological and psychological factors. So many, in fact, that it can be difficult to generalize why different personality types might handle success versus failure in such drastically polarized ways.
As a psychologist specializing in trauma and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I've had firsthand experience coaching clients whose past experience feeds their current fear of success. For them, the excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to the feeling of arousal they experienced when subjected to a traumatic event or multiple events. (This feeling of arousal can be linked to sexuality, in certain cases where trauma has been experienced in that realm, but that is not always the case.) People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma. They avoid subjecting themselves to excitement-inducing circumstances, which causes them to be almost phobic about success.
There is another layer to the fear of success. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that the road to success involves risks such as "getting one's hopes up" - which threatens to lead to disappointment. And many of us-especially if we've been subject to verbal abuse-have been told we were losers our whole lives, in one way or another. We have internalized that feedback and feel that we don't deserve success. Even those of us who were not abused or otherwise traumatized often associate success with uncomfortable things such as competition and its evil twin, envy.
In order to have a healthy relationship with success (and it's flip side, failure, or disappointment), the first step is to learn to differentiate between feelings of excitement and a "trauma reaction."
Here is an easy exercise:
Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.
Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.
Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist's support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.
Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?
While corresponding with the young Canadian woman, I asked her to do look up bodily response to fear and excitement and let me know what she found. This is what she wrote back:
"I was looking up how the body responds to fear, and it said that when we sense fear the brain transmits signals and our nervous system kicks, in causing our breathing to quicken, our heart race to increase... we become sweaty, and we run on instinct. When we get excited or enthusiastic, doesn't our nervous system work the same way?"
I assured her that, yes, the physical reactions to stress and to excitement are very similar. So, when we experience a traumatic event—such as a car accident or a school bullying incident—our body associates the fear we experience with the same physiological feelings we get while excited. Once we have been through enough trauma, we start to avoid those types of situations that trigger memories of fear. For this reason, trauma victims can tend to avoid excitement, and that can lead them to avoid success.
I work with trauma victims to get past their fears and associations and help them embrace and follow the path to success and healthy recovery.
© Susanne Babbel Ph.D. MFT
Overcome the Fear of Success: 6 Ways to Start Thriving
Editor’s Note: This is a contribution from Anastasiya Goers
“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha
How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”
I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.
One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.
Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.
The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?
Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want.
These are the tips that have helped me get over the fear of being successful and finally believe in myself:
1. Be positive.
Negative thoughts are like MiracleGrow for fear and self-doubt. Stay away from negative people and you will decrease the amount of negativity in your life at least by half.
Practice daily gratitude, write down all the positive events in your life, practice mindfulness and you will notice how your negative attitude will start melting away.
2. Continually remind yourself that you are part of something larger than you.
Fear often has to do with worrying about uncertainty, feeling out of control, and wondering what your life’s purpose is. When you realize you are part of a bigger picture, even if you don’t fully understand what that is, it’s easier to ascertain that you both deserve and need to be successful and happy.
You do the right things, you help people around you, you make being a good person a priority, and you know that this isn’t just about you—it’s also about the bigger picture that you’re part of. These thoughts always give me the courage to try something new and believe that my life is successful because of the doing, not the outcome.
3. Take time to find your authenticity.
Do you have a lot on you? I’m sure you do, and I know that you are doing your best at doing what you have to do. But do you know who you are? Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know your passions?
Do you take time to reflect on your life and figure out your purpose in this world? Unfortunately, most of us get so caught up in responsibilities and goals that we forget to enjoy our lives.
No matter how busy you are, you must make time for yourself. It can be just 10 minutes a day, but this time must belong to you. If you give yourself the luxury of free time then you will notice that the rest of your responsibilities will get easier.
You will be a better parent. You will be able to come up with creative ideas at work (and finally get that promotion.) You will be able to take better care of your health. You will reduce your stress and experience the joy of living.
4. Create your success library.
Sometimes when we lose trust in ourselves we just need a little bit of inspiration to push us in the right direction. There are plenty of ways to find inspiration, but we forget about them when we need them the most.
Create a library of quotes, save articles and success stories that have inspired you, create a library of inspiring movies and videos, or create an album of your fun and happy memories. Turn to this library whenever you have self doubts.
5. Learn.
People are always scared of what they don’t know. My first job was in a web development company. I was scared to death during my first day at work because I didn’t know anything about web and blogs and the words CSS and PHP seemed like medical terms for lethal diseases. I was forced to learn about everything and now I feel absolutely at ease online.
If you have a fear of something you just have to educate yourself about it. It is like walking into a dark room. At first you feel scared and don’t know what to expect but once you turn the light on, everything gets clear and simple.
6. Live in balance.
No matter how important success might seem to you, it is still important to follow it with balance; otherwise your journey towards success will turn into an obsession that will ruin everything that you truly love in life.
Success is not a destination. It’s a journey, and it’s important that we take each step feeling grounded and balanced. Spend time with your loved ones, enjoy your hobby or follow your passion, take care of your health and grow spiritually. This is the meaning of true success, the one that you can achieve only in balance.
I think that you are able to be successful. It is your right and purpose in life to be successful in whatever you are doing. If you believe in that then nothing will ever stop you from living a balanced and joyous life.
Editor’s Note: My new friend Gretchen Rubin, who ran a Tiny Buddha interview on her site earlier this year, just launched the paperback version of her best-selling book The Happiness Project. I highly recommend checking it out! You can purchase it here, or shop through the Tiny Buddha Amazon store to support the site, as well.
Photo by Bohari Adventures
Handling Fear of Success
Apr 26, 2011 | By Jake Lawson
What are the solutions to address a fear of success?
* Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough
* Uniting all talents and virtues for a greater good
* Confronting and dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner
* Recognizing and welcoming the the chance to triumph over competition without feeling unworthy or undeserving
* Expressing views and opinions without hesitation
* Setting sights on a goal and achieving it with both sacrifices and rewards--these make up the rough climb, the seemingly impossible.
* Steps that if completed always lead straight to success, rewarding those who persevere
Fear of success is the following:
* Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won't be happy, content or satisfied once you reach your goal
* Belief that you are undeserving of all the good things and recognition that come your way as a result of your accomplishments and successes
* Opposite of fear of failure, in that fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes and losing approval--Fear of success is the fear of accomplishment and being recognized and honored.
* Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life
* Fear that your accomplishments can self-destruct at anytime
* Belief that no matter how much you are able to achieve or accomplish, it will never be enough to sustain success
* Belief that there are others out there who are better than you, who will replace or displace you if you do not maintain your performance record
* Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment
* Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade
* Fear that you will find no happiness in your accomplishments--that you will be perpetually dissatisfied with life.
What are the negative consequences of the fear of success?
Fear of success can result in:
* A lack of effort to achieve goals you have set for yourself in school, on the job, at home, in relationships, or in your personal growth
* Self-destructive behavior, such as tripping yourself up to make sure that you do not sustain a certain level of success or achievement you once had in school, on the job, at home, in relationships or in your personal growth.
* Problems making decisions, being unable to solve problems
* Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve and succeed
* Chronic underachievement
* Feeling guilt, confusion and anxiety when you do achieve success--this leads you to falter, waver and eventually lose your momentum.
* Sabotaging any gains that you have made in your personal growth and mental health, because once you become healthier, a better problem solver, and more "together,'' you fear that no one will pay attention to you. You are habituated to receiving help, sympathy and compassionate support.
* Your choosing to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy and successful
* Reinforcing your chronic negativity, chronic pessimism and chronic lack of achievement since you cannot, visualize yourself in a contented, successful life
* Denouncing your achievements and accomplishments, or seeking ways in which you can denigrate yourself enough to lose what you've gained
What do those who fear success believe?
* I have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
* I know people care about me when I am down and out, but will they like me when I am on top and successful?
* I've never been happy before, so how can I be sure I'll be happy once I achieve my goals?
* I am nothing, and I deserve nothing.
* How can people like me if I succeed in reaching my goals in life?
* I can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals.
* How can I be sure that my good fortunes won't go sour and be destroyed?
* There are always more demands and more needs that have to be met in order for me to be successful, no matter what I do it will never be enough.
* They are all better, brighter, smarter, and more talented than I am. I really don't deserve to be successful.
* It's hard to be at the top.
* Everyone is out to shoot down the head man.
* No one really likes a winner.
* Everyone goes for the underdog.
* I am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged.
* Hard work, no play and constant effort make me happy. What would I do if it were different?
* I feel so guilty when I realize how much I have been given in my life.
* I'm always afraid I'm going to lose it all.
* Starting over again gives me meaning and a sense of mission and purpose.
* I'm so bored with what I've accomplished. What's left to do?
* Everyone has the right to fail in life, and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to.
What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?
* Learning to reinforce yourself for the hard work, effort and sacrifices you have made to achieve success
* Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success and accomplishment
* Accepting yourself as being healthy, "together,'' happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
* Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
* Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
* Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
* Visualizing your life when you are successful
* Giving others credit, recognition, and support for their personal achievements, successes and accomplishments
* Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself
* Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
Steps to overcoming fear of success
Step 1: You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer questions ``A' through ``J'' in your journal for each of the following 12 areas:
* At school
* On the job
* With family
* In marriage
* In relationships
* With friends
* In your career
* In your emotional life
* In your hobbies
* In sports
* In your physical health
* In your spiritual life
a. What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
b. What would success in this area of my life look like?
c. In what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
d. Who am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
e. What do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
f. What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
g. Who do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
h. How motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
i. In what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of my life?
j. In what ways do I think that I'll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?
Step 2: Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same 12 areas:
a. What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
b. What are my long range goals for this area?
c. In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
d. How much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
e. In what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
f. In what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
g. Have I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success here?
h. Have I ever feared losing people's attention, sympathy or concern if I achieved success here?
i. Have I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
j. Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
Step 3: After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fear success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the "Tools for Coping" to assist in this effort.
Step 4: After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the 12 areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
b. How can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
c. How can I accept myself as being successful?
d. How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
e. Who needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
f. How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
g. How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
h. How can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success and achievements?
i. How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
j. How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
Step 5: Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Last updated on: Apr 26, 2011
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