Self care

""Taking care of yourself means counting yourself in. You matter, you absolutely do. And your quality of life suffers when you neglect yourself. You lose a sense of your priorities, and you end up grasping for solutions just to keep your head above water.

Maybe you think that taking care of yourself is selfish. This is a common misconception that is patently untrue.

Being caught up in your own stress doesn’t serve you or anyone else. Commit to taking care of you for you, for your quality of life, so you can live with a full and open heart. Here is the paradox: When you take good care of yourself, you get out of your own way. You are less self-focused. You aren’t captured by your needs, dramas, and obsessions.

Start with you, and you will experience great freedom in being open, peaceful, and awake to your life and everyone in it.""

The above is taken from a wonderful blog I read written by Gail Brenner, a therapist. She's fantastic and she works a lot with people like me. Some of her advice is so good that I just have to repost it for myself and others. Plus, it really makes me things about things. 

I often (OK, most of the time) feel very silly doing these "self help" exercises and taking the advice of professionals who, though I hate to admit it, know what they are talking about. Some of  the advice just feels, well, silly. Talking to myself, writing and recording things, I feel silly. Thinking about "self care", though it's a crucial part of living, makes me feel silly. I really need to get over that. Silly or not, this shit works.

I have a voice recorder sitting next to me so that I can record thoughts and things and then listen to them later (much smaller that a pad and pen). But oh man do I feel like an idiot talking into it. I have to keep telling myself it's for a reason and it's worth doing, that I'm worth it.

Here's some more from the same blog:
""
See what gets in the way of your self-care. You will find that the obstacles are beliefs.

• Believing you should or need to spend your time in a certain way.
• Believing that you have to come last.
• Believing that the world will fall apart if you stop playing out the mental and emotional habits that don’t serve you.
• Believing that you aren’t worth your own loving attention.
• Believing that being stressed is a normal way of living.

""
I am guilty of every single one of these. I excel at self loathing, at mental flagellation if you will. I am very good at abusing myself mentally and physically. Physically with food and simple neglect of self. Mentally, well, that's for another page.

So I guess I really need to get over the feeling silly, put all my old habits and faulty beliefs down and move forward. Not an easy thing. It really is hard to teach old dogs new tricks.

And so she gives the following suggestions for self care:

"

• Being aware when I am triggered and meeting my experience with deep acceptance. (See “Oh, this.”)
• Taking time to listen to the people I love, especially my partner.
• Exercise – running on the treadmill and yoga. (Yoga is exercise plus so much more.)
• Resting when I am tired or starting to feel sick. Not pushing myself beyond my capacity.
• Letting go of stressful thoughts about the future so I can be present.
• Being still.
• Walking away from the computer when I’ve been on it too long.
• Keeping my home in order; not letting tasks pile up.
• Being open and non-defensive – even in hard conversations.
• Planning enough time so I don’t have to rush and worry about being late.
• Flowing with life especially when unexpected things happen.
• Contemplating the true nature of existence, which puts everything into perspective."

It's as good a place to start as any I suppose. Time to get back in the game. I've been sitting on the bench of life for too many years.


 Gail Brenner, Ph.D., psychologist and blogger. Here you will find inspiration to help you reclaim your natural life. Discover that inner peace is absolutely possible, happiness and fulfillment your birthright. Come on in. Be inspired. Awaken to A Flourishing Life!