So I've decided to do it. Surgery that is. Bariatric specifically. I've thought about it for several years now, gone back and forth with it. But in reality it's never really been a viable option, until now. Because I'm "disabled" and getting SSD I also get medicare. Medicare will actually cover the surgery.

While I loath the idea of being sliced and diced, I also loath the idea of living out what ever remains of my life being in constant pain, being depressed, not being able to do the things I want and wondering when my heart is finally going to explode from the constant strain it's under.

I have no problem admitting that I need the help. I know I can't do it all on my own. I've tried. Of course getting the surgery isn't a given, at least not yet. I have many hoops to jump through. My insurance doesn't start until July 1st and then things have to be approved, if not approved the first time they have to be appealed. And the once that happens the surgical center has a laundry list of requirements that must be fulfilled before they will do anything.

A large part of me is filled with trepidation about the entire thing. The idea of surgery, recovery, having to think about every single thing I eat, how much I eat, what I eat. Well, I suppose that's a big part of how I got so fat, I don't do enough of that. Or, rather, I do, I pay attention to what I eat, I just eat too much. I know I do. And I hope that some surgical assistance will provide that extra dose of motivation I so desperately need.