New blog, new turn

I decided to start a new, very specific blog.

The plight of the American dad.
What are the issues facing fathers today and how do we address them?

http://plightoftheamericandad.blogspot.com/

I did this because I'm a father. Because I've personally faced some of these issues, because I'm getting old and would like to do something productive with the rest of my life. And probably some other reasons I have yet to realize. I won't repeat too much of what I wrote, but I will say this. There are services galore for moms. Single moms, married moms, divorced or divorcing moms. There are support groups, talk shows, webpages.... What is there for the dad? Beer and sports. Get off your ass and get a job. Machismo, eons of bullshit. Lots and lots of judgement. So, that is why the new blog, to shed some light on these problems. To share information, to maybe help in some small way. And it's for me as well, as a reminder of what I need to do to be a better father. Of the reasons I am a father. So, check it out. Pass it along, tell me it sucks, what ever. It's a work in progress, like many things in my life, including me. 

A new turn

Holly smokes, I haven't written here in ages. Time to get back at it and get some of those random thoughts out of my head and out into the universe. So many things have changed in my life. My youngest son is now 9 months old, growing like crazy and leaving all worries of premature issues behind. It's funny watching him and remember how many times in my life I swore I would never have children. Here I am with number 4. I had a portion of my kidney removed due to cancer, I had bariatric surgery almost a year ago, I'm no longer on medication for depression and anxiety. I'm actually losing weight for the first time in my life. And I'm on the downhill side of 40. Sometimes, when I allow myself to think about such things, it amazes me the twists and turns, the ups and downs that my life has taken. How I got here from there is still a mystery to me.

I think it's because I spent so much of my life simply floating along. Allowing the current to take me where it would. Unfortunately that seemed to usually lead right off a cliff. When you spend most of your life wallowing in the resulting turmoil it's quite difficult to find direction. And that was my life. One disaster after another. One hasty decision after another. I'm finally finding some calm, some tranquility in my life. And a little bit of direction.

That direction has led me into a new job of sorts. A volunteer position for now, but hat may change, if I prove myself worthy. It is nice to feel challenged, to have something to work on, to have some type of goal in mind. I have made many mistakes in my life, many bad decision, many hasty decisions, but I have finally taken the time to examine those actions, and to learn from them. I have spent most of my life relying on, and abusing, my body. My jobs have always been somewhat physical in nature. Sure, I used my brain too, but it was mostly physical work. Maintenance, construction, destruction, working on boats. And I just can't do that anymore. My body won't let me. Even after losing over 100 pounds, my knees just don't do the job they're supposed to. My back doesn't like to do its job either. I simply can not do the type of work I always have. So what options does that leave? Spend the rest of my life surviving on disability, doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself? I think not. Thanks, but I'd like to actually live my life, not sit around wallowing in self pity. So, I've decided to work for free for a while. To build and hone my skills, to develop a network of contacts. To actually be proactive in my future, not a passenger. To grab the tiller and steer this ship, not float over the waterfall.

So now it's time to get a haircut and a real job. To put on my big boy pants and do something proactive, productive and positive with my time. It is time to grab hold of the wheel. I just hope the car doesn't crash.