Why are you so fat?

I can't count the number of times I've been asked this question over the last 20 years. While I usually reply in an appropriately sarcastic manner I never really gave it a lot of thought until recently. The non-fat among us generally use the same tired cliches, lazy, eat too much, lazy. But there is often much more to it than that. There is a huge mental aspect to obesity. There are often medical reasons for it, or at least contributing factors. Many times people aren't aware of either. I wasn't. I spent years trying to understand why I was constantly exhausted and able to sleep for 20 hours. I didn't know that I suffered from an extreme case of sleep apnea and was actually barely getting any true sleep at all. When you're exhausted it's difficult to do much of anything. It wasn't until after a great deal of therapy that I finally became aware of the fact that I was eating and would have no memory of doing so. Add severe depression to the mix and suddenly you're a 600 pound fat man waiting to die. I see evidence of this in many overweight people. Especially the depression.

There is a line in a movie that goes something like "I'm depressed I'm fat, I eat because I'm depressed, it's a vicious circle." There's a lot of truth to that. Once you get to a certain point it's very easy to give up, to tell yourself you just don't care, it doesn't matter, it will never change, there's nothing you can do. Society tends to reinforce these thoughts. Being ridiculed anytime you go out in public certainly doesn't help. Having people yell "fat ass" at you as you try to walk simply makes you go home and eat. Having people treat you like a third class citizen when you finally go to the gym, or decide to buy some walking shoes or do anything else to help yourself only makes it harder. Fat is the last acceptable target of bigotry and ignorance. And there are plenty of people more than willing to take advantage of that. People rarely offer to help, or to listen, they simply want to know what it is you did. how you "allowed" yourself to get so disgusting. It's interesting that the same attitude is rarely aimed at drug addicts or alcoholics. No, being fat is a choice, no matter what.

I can't really remember when I started gaining so much weight, but I do know now what caused it. Injuries led to loss of mobility, life lead to depression, one exacerbated the other and I comforted myself with food. And then I slept. Or more accurately I went to bed for hours upon hours. I learned something over the last few years. You can want to lose weight, you can try to lose weight, but until you finally understand what caused you to gain it, you won't accomplish much. This is what causes so many to "yo yo" or "crash diet". You starve yourself until you drop a few pounds but completely fail to address the causes of your weight gain in the first place so you simply gain it back. I suppose it requires getting to the point where your reasons for being healthy outweigh your reasons for being obese. Only at that point will you be successful.

So if you're struggling with weight ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself. Really, truly honest. Are there underlying medical or mental issues that you need to deal with? Would you even know if there are? I didn't.