Things that drive me nuts at the gym.

First let me say that this is meant to be humorous, mostly, not as a gripe. There are actually webpages dedicated to this subject, if you can believe that.

Number one:
Grunters. I hate grunters. Not the one's moving a large amount of weight, I understand that. I'm talking about the ones doing it just because that's what they do. Either for attention or to be obnoxious. If you're pushing heavy (and that's really relative) I get it. I think we all grunt on occasion, I know I do. But if you're doing pullups and grunting like you're giving birth to a small truck, that's obnoxious. If you're simply doing bodyweight exercises and sound like you should be in the maternity ward you're either doing something very wrong or you're an attention seeker. People are trying to concentrate. You're about as distracting and annoying as fingernails down a chalkboard. Shut the hell up. I really don't want Serena Williams working out next to me. If you don't get what I'm saying, here's an example:

Number two:
Attention seekers. If you come to the gym in full makeup, check it every two minutes, fix your hair in the mirror, you're in the wrong place. If you spend more time flexing in front of the mirror than actually lifting, you're in the wrong damn place. I enjoy looking at an attractive lady as much as anyone, but there are better places for that. There is no need to slam the weights back into the rack so everyone looks at you. You don't need to drive the plates into the ground when doing deadlifts. It's obnoxious. Seriously, just stop. If you're looking for love try a bar or the internet, or the grocery store. You should smell like sweat, not cologne or perfume. Your lipstick should not be perfect after 45 minutes on the treadmill. If you take a mirror with you on an elliptical....

Number three:
Good grief dude, you're going to hurt yourself! This isn't so much a peeve as a concern. If you have absolutely no idea how to use a certain machine or do a certain exercise DON'T DO IT! Ask someone. Ask your phone. Go home and use Google. Talk to a trainer. I see this every single time I'm in the gym. I can't help but watch some of these people. It's a morbid fascination. I look and my inner voice says "what the fuck are you doing?". There's bad form and then there's "how are you not in traction". I see plenty of half (or less) reps, flared elbows, improper lifts and the like, that's an entire different subject, but not nearly as concerning. Watch the video below, there's a man in my gym that does lat pulldowns exactly like that. I have witnessed some of this first hand. Put the ego away and ask some questions before you hurt yourself or destroy a machine.

Number four:
And lastly, the campers and the spread outers. How is it possible for one person to be using every single piece of equipment in the gym, at the same time? I understand "circuit training" but come on. You've got weights on the squat rack, Smith machine, incline and bench all at the same time? You throw a hissy tantrum when someone asks to work in, 'cause I'm using that dude. And then you leave without racking a single plate?

Gosh dude, I know that 45 minute call to your lover is important, but could you do it someplace else? Standing in the squat rack is not the best place to be passing that next level of Candy Crush. I understand resting between sets, but you're taking a damn nap on the bench. Move it along.

I guess what I'm trying to say with this is just have some damn respect. A little courtesy goes a long way. Most of us are there to exercise, to sweat, to work on ourselves. Let us do it. If you're looking for your next ex, try a bar. If you need a nap then head to the lounge. If you are that desperate for attention, call your mom.