Goals

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I never really understood that quote until recently. It's one of those that you read all the time but never really think about. What happens when something doesn't move? Stagnation. And what is stagnation? The Dictionary sums it up pretty darn well:

• to cease to run or flow, as water, air, etc.
• to be or become stale or foul from standing, as a pool of water.
• to stop developing, growing, progressing, or advancing:
• to be or become sluggish and dull

This happens to people too. It happened to me. I think it happens to a lot of people to some extent. Same job for years, same friends for years, same routine for years. You stagnate. I personally think it's one of the reasons so many folks in this country suffer from some form of depression. It damn near killed me. 

Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation... even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. ~Leonardo da Vinci

There are all kinds of quotes about stagnation and motivation. Many of them describe my life. For instance, this one here. 

All these things "they" fear describe much of my life. Especially the line about giving up. I have always been good at that. Settling? Way too many times. "I fear not feeling these fears and just floating along". That line especially describes my life. From a very early age, I just didn't give a shit. My motto was "why bother" usually followed with "fuck it". I never understood why that was. I often lamented my lack of drive, ambition, desire, whatever you want to call it. I noticed it in other people all the time, but I never experienced it for myself. Now, after years of therapy and introspection I finally know the what and the why of it. The struggle is to change it. I've spent a substantial portion of my life stagnating. 

“What is the difference between a living thing and a dead thing? In the medical world, a clinical definition of death is a body that does not change. Change is life. Stagnation is death. If you don't change, you die. It's that simple. It's that scary." ~ Leonard Sweet

Personally I think this quote should come with a caveat. Sitting around on your ass wallowing in self pity, things change. The body changes, the mind changes, the end is still death. It's not stagnation in the truest sense of the word, but it's close enough. And it comes naturally to me. It's easy for me. It's what I've always done. It's one of the truly despicable effects of depression. Depression squashes your will to live, your desire, your drive. When you're depressed it's easy to sit around and do nothing. Too easy. And I will always struggle with it. I've accepted that fact. It won't go away some day. I won't wake up some morning and suddenly be filled with motivation. I have to force it every single day. And that is why I have to make goals. Not only do I have to force myself to do this I have to make sure that every day, every single day, I do something that will inch me towards those goals. Towards a better tomorrow. Forward. Because I refuse to go back. I refuse to stop moving. Even if it's an inch, I will move every single day. 

So I have made a few goals. Some easy, most not. I wrote recently about "get up and move" apps for my computer. That is one goal. Less computer time. Less sitting. 

Goals:

1. To spend less time in front of my computer. To get up several times an hour and do something. Anything, just as long as it requires movement. Less sitting, more moving. Less time wasted, more time doing.
2. Go to the gym at least 5 days a week. This one is getting easier and easier. I think I'm becoming a little addicted to it. I feel like crap when I don't get to the gym. And that makes me happy. 
3. Eat better. I need to eat better food. I need to learn to eat fruits and vegetables, not meat and pasta. It seems so simple but it's a constant struggle. 
4. Get my weight below 300 pounds. I'll take 299.999999999. I haven't been under 300 since, well, I don't honestly remember. A long time ago.
5. Go back to work. Well, that's actually a two part goal. I no longer want to be "disabled". I abhor it. Getting that $888 dollar check every month because I can't work without losing my mind and my body falling apart, I hate that. 
6. Perhaps the craziest goal of all, I want to enter some type of fitness competition. I don't know yet if it will be powerlifting or something else, but I want to be in a position to enter without embarrassing myself. 

Every day I keep these goals in mind. Every day I do something that moves me closer to them. The alternative is stagnation. Stagnation is death.