Being an antisocial stay at home dad has its benefits. It also has its difficulties. Especially when you're a food addict with a life long weight issue. It's too easy to graze. It's easy to justify too. "Oh, I'll just have a bight". And then another and another. I nibble when I'm bored, I nibble when I cook (you have to TASTE!). It's a problem. One I struggle with almost every day. If I stay busy it's not as bad, but staying busy doesn't always happen. I try to get up and do things as much as possible, but some days.... I've been making sure to eat actual meals lately. That seems to help a lot. Just not being hungry seems to curb the desire to nibble. Most of the time. And we no longer keep much in the house that is easily nibbed. No crackers, no "snacks", no chips. For the most part if I want to nibble it's cheese or carrots or I cook something. Just so long as I stay out of the convenience stores.
Though lately even that isn't as much of an issue as it used to be. Maybe it's the eating better or the wanting to actually feel and look better, but most of the crap food just doesn't sound good anymore. I actually walked past the donuts and didn't want one. Well, I did for about half a second, but then I thought about just how many calories are in one and the fact that I really can't eat just one. I thought about how the scale has been going down lately and how I want to keep seeing it go down. I thought about the future and what I want to do and what I want to look like, and suddenly that donut didn't seem at all appetizing. I bought peanuts instead. And I enjoyed the hell out of those peanuts. And I enjoyed not feeling bad about myself after eating the peanuts. Guilt is kind of pointless in my opinion, but that doesn't stop the feelings after stuffing a giant donut in my face. It tends to trigger that "I'm a fucking failure" thought train. So I'm working on figuring out my cues and changing the cravings they trigger.
One of the pleasant things about the way I'm eating these days is that I don't feel deprived. It doesn't feel like a punishment and a constant struggle. It's simply eating better food and making better choices. Even when I nibble, it's on better things than it once was. I try to find things I know are going to satisfy yet also fill. That's the problem with me and a bag of chips. 5 just don't fill that void. A bag certainly does. I can't stop at 5 chips. I can stop at 5 carrots. Or one piece of string cheese. Or an egg. Adjusting my eating habits is a constant. It takes a lot of reminding, of thinking about the why. But it gets easier every day. I just wish there was a larger variety of healthy nibbles that I like.
Oddly enough, I have a harder time with peanut butter than I do with things like ice cream or donuts. Peanut butter is my nemesis. I could, if I allowed myself, consume an entire jar of extra crunchy Jiff with nothing but a spoon. Peanut butter is one of those evil foods that I just can't seem to have a little bit of. The wife has to hide it from me. I can't buy it. And if I see it, I eat it. My worst time is evening. After the kids are in bed, the house is quiet and it's just me and the dogs. I get the munchies. I know it's partially because we usually eat dinner around 6 and I don't go to bed until 10 or later. It's also that it's my quiet time and I'm not doing much. It's so easy to grab something to nibble while sitting at the computer. I can't eat a very large portion at once, so dinner sometimes doesn't last me all that long and by 9 or so I'm actually hungry again. That's when I go searching for the peanut butter. Just one small taste of course, that's all I want. OK, maybe half a jar. D'oH!! Damn you peanut butter!
More cardio, that's the answer. Sure, that'll do it. I hate cardio!
No comments:
Post a Comment