Friday, March 11, 2016

Triggers

trig·ger warn·ing
noun

a statement at the start of a piece of writing, video, etc., alerting the reader or viewer to the fact that it contains potentially distressing material (often used to introduce a description of such content).

Ah yes, the new PC warning label. Except life doesn't come with "trigger warning" labels attached to everything. Depression and anxiety also have triggers. They're different, I imagine, for every person afflicted. We know what some of them are simply from experience but every once in a while something new and interesting comes along. One of the most common triggers for both depression and anxiety is stress. Stress is unavoidable. It happens. So we know that we WILL be "triggered". There's no way around it. What matters is how you handle it when it does happen. Do you dive headfirst into the abyss or do you start swimming while looking for a life raft? It's not always an easy choice. When a trigger clicks it often hits like a tsunami. Hard to stay afloat in a tsunami, no matter how good the swimmer is. 

The one method I find that consistently helps with both the depression and the anxiety is being mindful of it. I've lived with it my entire life, I know what it feels like, I know how it affects me, I know exactly what will happen if I let it. As they said when I was a kid, knowing is half the battle. Once you've been through a panic attack you know what it feels like, you know it's going to end eventually and you also know exactly what it is. Being aware won't completely stop it, but it helps a lot. And there are things you can do to limit the effects if you're aware of what is happening. I find that doing something seems to help. Going to the gym if I can. Getting up and moving around. Even chores. Anything that gives me something to focus on other than the depression or anxiety. 

Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience. 

Mindfulness is an emotionally non-reactive state. We don’t judge that this experience is good and that one is bad. Or if we do make those judgments we simply notice them and let go of them. We don’t get upset because we’re experiencing something we don’t want to be experiencing or because we’re not experiencing what we would rather be experiencing. We simply accept whatever arises. We observe it mindfully. We notice it arising, passing through us, and ceasing to exist. 
I know my depression has been triggered, I recognize it for what it is. I know that I'm feeling the way I am as a result of depression and it being triggered. I know these feelings, I recognize them and I know they will pass. If I focus on them they feed. If I give them attention they increase in size. If I simply acknowledge them for what they are and move on, while they don't completely go away, they do get smaller and smaller until they slink back into the boxes I store them in. When I have an anxiety attack I have two options, let it take control or recognize it for what it is and let in flow through me until it's gone, like water through sand. Panic attacks suck because they trigger that primal fight or flight part of your brain. Once that's triggered it's very difficult to gain control, but it's possible. It takes being aware of what is happening. And knowing that it will go away before you actually die. There is no monster chasing you so there is no need to run. 

I do find that I struggle with this idea. More so lately as the triggers seem to more and more frequent. As stress finds me yet again I have to force myself to be more mindful. I ask myself if there is a logical reason for the way I'm feeling or if it's simply a latent emotion trying to beckon me into the abyss. Having lived there so long I never wish to return so I am ever vigilant. 



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