Life

So why is it that I still can't get my shit together and make a plan for the rest of my life? Here I am, almost done with at least my associates, and I'm wondering if I'm going in a direction I realy want to. Even after two years of school, I still feel like I know nothing about computers. I certainly don't feel qualified to go get a job in the field.

I can't help but ponder the past and think about the things I wanted to do when I was younger. Or at least thought I wanted to do. And just never got around to it. Lack of motivation sucks like that. But when you're chronically depressed, finding motivation and drive is really quite difficult. It's very easy to float through life and let things happen to you, instead of taking charge and making things happen for you. I still feel like life is happening to me, instead of feeling like I'm living it.

The few things I do enjoy doing are not things one can make a living at. And even if you could, I don't think I'm nearly good enough to do so.

Hopefully more therapy will help me get things under control and on track. I can't say back on track, because I don't think I ever have been. I spent most of my life wandering around, changing jobs, doing different things. Pretty much following in dad's footprints. To the same end, I'm afraid. At least now I actually understand why I am the way I am. That helps a little bit.
Perhaps I should attempt to write more, it seems some what therapeutic to put things down like this.