Another year older (well, almost)

One more year gone. Another year older. I feel, I don't know, lost perhaps. Confused. When I was a kid, all I wanted was to grow up and have a life of my own, to find stability, something I never had as a kid. As an adult, I still lacked stability. Things just never seemed to work out for me and I couldn't figure out why.

I finally went to school, college, for the first time. I thought I wanted to be a mechanic. I was wrong. I changed schools, found something I thought I would be good at. I was good at it yes, but limited because of my size and my attitude. I didn't fit the "profile" companies wanted to run boats for them. Then I had my kids.

I love my kids, more than anything. They are the most important thing in my life. I would not trade them for anything.

So off to school I went again. Now I'm pretty much done with that and still not sure what I want to do. I was hoping I would be interested enough to do something productive once I was done, yet I'm finding that not to be true. I just can't seem to figure things out.

I know that my depression and other issues make things harder. Focusing is difficult. I need a direction. I need some inspiration. I need some motivation. I need to finally figure out what I am good at, what I want to do with the rest of my life. I just don't know. I hope I can figure it out before I run out of time. My body is fighting me every step of the way and so is my mind.