Changing the way I eat, changing the way I think, changing the way I sleep, changing the way I live. And now, changing the fact that I smoke. I quit. I've never been a good quitter. OK, that's not true. I've quit a lot of things in my life. I've quit jobs, I've quit relationships, I've quit trying, quit caring, quit feeling, quit dreaming. Come to think of it, I've gotten pretty darn good at quitting over the years.
Now it's time to start. Start living again. Start caring, dreaming, feeling. Time to start the rest of my life. And one of the very first things I need to do with that is quit. Quit smoking. It's been three days so far and it doesn't seem as bad this time. Maybe it's because the medications are working better, maybe it's because I'm finally actually truly ready to quit. I don't know, but I'm going with it.
I hate the way I feel when I don't smoke. It makes me feel.........fidgety, over stimulated, my skin feels crawly, my hair hurts. I've never been hooked on hard drugs, but I imagine quitting them must feel about the same. I sit here and all I can think about is having a cigarette. I have to keep myself distracted and doing things, or napping. But still, with all that, it's going easier than any of the previous times I've tried to quit.
It's a whole new world and a whole new life for me.
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