The long long road

It's going one of two place. A hole in the ground, or a healthy and happy me. I have many many things in my life I need to work on. Finding a job, my kids, finishing school. The list could go on for pages. But, for now, I need to focus on me. I need to focus on my health. I can do nothing if I'm dead or if I continue in my current condition.

I know what all my issues are. I now need to work on fixing them. Starting with my health. More accurately, my weight. My weight is the key to so many things, as well as the cause. I need to focus on my diet, my exercise, what I eat, when I eat, how I eat. I have to change it all.

My mantra has become focus on the future, focus on the goals and think about what it is I want and why I have to do what I'm doing.

Quitting smoking is a fairly simple concept. Not so easy in reality, but simple in theory. Just don't light one and suck on it. Easy peasy. Getting healthy, not so simplistic. I have to find a starting point. I have to establish goals and I have to stick to them. The general idea behind weight loss is quite simple. Eat less, move more.

That seems simple enough. And for some people, like those able to stop smoking when ever they feel like it, I suppose it is that simple. For people like me, it's far from easy. Depression is an evil monster. It sneaks out and takes over so many parts of your life. Chronic pain adds to the depression. It's easy to sit in pain and think about what you should be doing. But the pain takes over, feeds the depression and hope becomes a lost concept.

So then, how do I succeed. With my mental issues and my physical issues. With my complete lack of budget. What do I need to do so that I can stay motivated, so that I stop sabotaging myself. I spend many days sitting here having a pity party, feeling sorry for myself, instead of doing something about it. I will no longer allow myself to do that.

Like smoking, so many of my problems are related to years old habits. Habits around food, how and what I eat, habits regarding exercise, or rather the lack of. I have to retrain my mind and my body. I must changed the way I live before I no longer live.

I will develop a plan. What is that plan? How do I get started? My current weight is 540 pounds. I have high blood pressure, chronic pain, back pain, knee pain, everything pain from packing around so much weight. So many of my problems directly relate to my weight. So, what am I going to do about this? I think it's going to be a constantly evolving work in progress, just like me. I do know that none of these BS fad diets work.

The first thing I am doing is reminding myself why I need to do this. My quality of life will greatly improve. Self esteem, energy, employability, they will all improve. I'll be able to play with my kids. I'll be able to do the things I want to do instead of watching and wishing I wasn't so fat. There is no downside to downsizing.