time slips away and

things seem to stay the same. This year, a new year, 2012 for fucks sake. How'd that happen. But here I am thinking the same thoughts as last year. Needing to do the same things I needed to do a year ago. Even my weight is the same. It's as if time moved but I did not. Like I've been stuck, a rock in the river of time.

I've told myself, promised myself, lied to myself that I would complete a myriad of tasks. I have not. My surrounding have changed, my age has changed, I have remained stuck. As the water of time flowed past.

But even a rock eventually becomes sand under the constant flow of water. I am starting to feel the water slowly work the sand out from under my rock. I hope, eventually, the water will completely work under me and set me free so I can join the river of time and flow back into life. I've been stagnant and stuck for way to many years.

I just found some writing from last year. It was the same exact things I have written recently. What I notice most is how nothing has changed. Well, that's not entirely true, many things have changed. I feel different now than I did a year ago. I feel ready. Ready for something new. Ready for change. Ready for growth of mind and spirit and improvement of body.

I feel something inside me. I'm not sure yet exactly what it is. I know that part of it is......interest. Interest in living and being and growing. I want to be alive. I want to live and enjoy life and be happy on purpose. I want to move forward. To improve, to change