Happiness doesn't depend on anything that has or has not happened in the past, nor does it depend on your future prospects (thank God, eh?). The simple fact is, in order to be happy:

You Must Decide to be Happy. 

So many negative thoughts in my head right now. I know them for what they are yet can't seem to stop them from taking control of my thinking. I know they aren't rational thoughts, yet they are so powerful the feel like they're consuming me from the inside out. 

I feel so negative, so useless. Like a waste of skin, a burden on everyone around me. I feel disgusting, dirty, fat, ugly. I can think so easily of many more negative terms to describe myself. Yet I can't think of a single positive one. How fucked up is that.

I have so much pain, anger, disappointment, bitterness, betrayal locked up inside me I don't know how to let it out. I'm afraid if I do it will consume me. But I can feel it eating away at me from the inside, like a cancer. It rules my very existence. Controls me.

 If you can overcome the stigma of uselessness, you are halfway to getting over worthlessness. Because worthlessness is often just the moral judgment you place on yourself when you think you are useless. However, worthlessness goes deeper. Worthlessness implies that you don't even have a right to be here. You are not one of the blessed, you are one of the damned.  

And that pretty much sums up how I feel. Like I deserve nothing. 

Fuck it, it's bed time. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better things.