I can say with confidence that mentally I have come a long, long way in the last year. I feel like a different person. Or, more accurately, I feel like myself. But I still have a battle with the weight. And I'm losing.
I've always been the fat kid. Then the fat teenager, then the fat adult. I've been fighting this war for many years. It's exhausting me. I'm tired of being the fat kid. I diet, or try to. I know it's my fault I'm fat. All I need do is get off my ass, move and eat less. Simple enough.
And then we follow with the two pages of stupid excuses. Lame ass reasons. Whining. And in the end not doing much of anything. Time after time after time.
I need to find an activity that I enjoy doing. Something that grabs my interest. And I don't know what that is. I like being in the water, but swimming just doesn't do it for me as far as exercise. Who am I kidding, nothing "does it" for me when it comes to exercise.
I guess I need to just shove myself out the chair and get to doing something.
I'm trying to cook healthy things ahead of time and put them in the freezer so I have no excuse to eat crap. We don't keep junk food in the house but I have a habit of always eating the easy stuff first. I have to quit doing that.
I'm watching K shrink day by day after having the surgery and I sometimes wish I could do it too. It pretty much forces you to eat better and less. If you don't, bad things happen. Sometimes I think that is what I need, that threat of pain, illness or worse. I have no self control when it comes to food and even less when it comes to exercise. And I hate that about myself.
2 comments:
Oh Rain....I know what you are saying so well...I can not say I know where you are coming from cause I did not start where you were, or even where you are now but I know how hard it was for me, is for me, and I can only imagine how much harder it must be when you have farther to go or more pain and problems...I sometimes have to force myself not to hate myself for what I have done to myself and the lack of motivation to do what I should. I have come a long way as well but I have to admit that I am not doing all I can or all I need to. I should be a lot farther in this process and I am not cause I have just been getting by, doing the minimum. And I hate it, but I just don't make myself get it done. Then I get depressed and use that as an excuse not to do anything at all. I think I am going into a blog as we speak so I will stop here and move to my blog. I just want you to know that I hear you and I feel what you are saying and Im here. You are not alone.
Hi Rain, have you ever visited Mark's Daily Apple's website? (http://www.marksdailyapple.com) There are quite a lot of people on the forum there who have completely changed their lifestyle, I'm sure you could get great advice/inspiration there!
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