The biggest problem

with anxiety and depression is that there is no cure. Surgery can't fix it, medication doesn't really fix it. It's not something that just goes away on its own. It doesn't "run its course" like a cold or the flue. It is. It always is. It always will be. A person can learn to limit the negative affect they have on your life, to a point, but always, in the background, lurking, they exist. You can convince yourself you're better but you know you really aren't. And then there's a day when something happens and suddenly up comes the anxiety, the panic, the depression that follows, and it's like starting all over again. And that is what I hate about them the most. They can replace knees, internal organs, fix cancer (some times), sow you closed, give you new parts, they can even do face transplants now. The brain, that's something they haven't mastered yet. Sure, you can throw medications at it, if you don't mind the side effects, but they don't fix the problem, only mask it.

One of my biggest frustrations are the times people say things like "just get over it" or "it's OK, you're just having a bad day, cheer up". Because if a person had cancer that's what you would tell them too, right? Or a broken leg? When a person has diabetes you simply tell them to "get over it". Because sure, they'll just make the diabetes go away, who needs insulin anymore. Oh, that's right, we don't say things like that to people with "actual illnesses". But the mental ones, that's fine. It's no different than telling the struggling obese person to just stop being lazy and eating so much. No matter the challenges they may actually be facing. Because people don't understand depression and anxiety. Because mental illness has a horrible stigma in this country. Because so many people think it's something we fake. Either for attention or so we don't have to do things, or because we like drama. They have no understanding of what it's actually like. And yes, there are people who go with the "oh, I have anxiety" approach to everything when they really don't. Those people really piss me off.

I've learned to cope with the depression. It's been a part of me my entire life. I recognize it, I can work with it, or around it. It's pretty much a constant no matter the day. Anxiety on the other hand. I hate the unpredictability of it. Panic and anxiety can manifest in a multitude of ways and it's rarely consistent. Fight or flight. Hostility, anger, sometimes even aggression, overwhelming emotion, sadness, fear, wanting to hide in a dark room. I've cried watching television commercials. I've had to leave stores, schools, activities with my kids. Sometimes I'm fine, until I'm not. I can go weeks without it being an issue and then a month where it's a constant daily thing. I've experienced the entire range of manifestations in less than an hour and I've spent days stuck in one. No pattern, no logic, no triggers other than stress. It's exhausting. Going to the gym helps. Sometimes going to the gym triggers it. And there is no cure. It's not ever going to go away. It is a part of me.

And now I'm being told that there is a very real chance that I will lose my disability. If that happens I will have no choice but to attempt to go back to work. And I have no fucking idea how I'm going to do that. It wasn't until a few years ago that I finally realized why I've left so many jobs in my life, why I had such a hard time functioning in many of them, why I would simply walk away. Understanding it now, I'm not sure that's going to help. And knowing these things is only adding to the anxiety. While the amount I get for disability is small, it's my only source of income. It's been quite a while since I've held a job and I'm not sure what marketable skills I have at this point in my life. Is slightly crazy marketable? Chronic pain? Probably not. How about a very low tolerance for dumbfuckery? Hey, I can have a full blown panic attack for fun. Sure, I'm totally confident I can find a job. Absolutely.

One huge problem with anxiety and depression is the way they feed each other. Makes for great times. And the complete exhaustion they cause when they're bad. And that then feeds them more. It becomes a self sustaining perpetual loop that is very difficult to stop. Anxiety and panic often result in a sustained adrenaline rush. It's the body preparing for the fight or flight. One would think this rush would be useful for other things, it isn't. And the crash. The crash sucks. The crash is exhaustion at its worst. And guess what that causes?

I use all the tactics I've learned over the last 10 years or so. After the hours of therapy, the thousand or more websites I've read, the books, the articles. And it's still a struggle every single damn day. I have learned to enjoy the positives and let the rest go (eventually) but it's something I have to remind myself every damn day.

You're a coach, I'm a coach, everyone's a coach.

Or so it seems when using social media. Good grief. Buy the supplement I'm getting paid to take photos with. Buy my booty plan. Buy my bullshit. In just 6 easy weeks you'll look just like me. I promise. I'm a personal trainer, look, I have this certificate that says so. In all honesty I'm not sure if it's the audience that is to blame or the people taking their money. It's nothing new, this scam has been running for centuries. Buy this custom corset. Use this magical mechanical doohickey. Take this marvelous new pill. They even marketed tapeworms as a diet gimmick. And people used it. They swallowed a parasite to lose weight, willingly. There's an exercise class for everyone, each promising to out perform the other, for a low monthly fee of course. People wrap themselves in plastic and call it the magic fat cure. There's a new, better diet on the market every month. From Atkins to "Keto" to "intermittent fasting"

What I have noticed over the last few years is that while there is a great deal of opinion, tons of anecdotal evidence, a plethora of bullshit and scams, books filled with pseudoscience, there really isn't a lot of good, fact based, scientific, proven, verified information. I could write a pretty long list of all the magazines and websites dedicated to body building and other forms of exercise. There are almost none with real information. And it's actually a bit frustrating. Supplements and vitamins are a billion dollar industry (not regulated by the FDA of course) full of woo and some of the most idiotic claims. And because it's not regulated they really don't have to prove that what you're buying works. Or for the most part, what's even in it. And yet people spend billions on them every year. All in the hope of getting that "beach body". There is some evidence that one thing does actually really work. A caloric deficit and exercise. It's really that simply. Well, mostly.

That caloric deficit thing can be a bit tricky. Especially if you're like me and love food. Because counting calories is a bitch. Knowing exactly what a caloric deficit is can be a challenge too. So, if you don't know this, there's two formulas that supposedly figure out what the call your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR is the amount of calories you would burn if you were asleep all day. ... This tool then uses the Harris Benedict Equation to determine your total daily energy expenditure (calories). The Harris Benedict Equation is a formula that uses your BMR and then applies an activity factor. Simple right? Sure it is. And totally accurate . 

Harris-Benedict Formula

1. Calculate your BMR (basal metabolic rate):

• Women: BMR = 655 + ( 4.35 x weight in pounds ) + ( 4.7 x height in inches ) - ( 4.7 x age in years )
• Men: BMR = 66 + ( 6.23 x weight in pounds ) + ( 12.7 x height in inches ) - ( 6.8 x age in years )

2. Multiply your BMR by the appropriate activity factor, as follows:

• Sedentary (little or no exercise): BMR x 1.2
• Lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week): BMR x 1.375
• Moderately active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week): BMR x 1.55
• Very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week): BMR x 1.725
• Extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x training): BMR x 1.9

3. Your final number is the approximate number of calories you need each day to maintain your weight.

Or, if you're like me and suck at math you can just use an online form like this one: https://manytools.org/handy/bmr-calculator/

Personally I don't want to even begin to think about the math (or the bullshit?) that went into figuring out this formula, but there it is. The funny thing with it is that the more you weigh the higher the number goes. So, for myself I get a BMR of 3184 calories. So if I slept all day my old, fat, not wanting to work right body supposedly burns over 3000 calories. For me to maintain my weight I can, according to this formula, consume 4458 calories a day. Seem right to you? Anyone? Didn't think so. So about that caloric deficit. Now if you have a ton of money to spend or REALLY fabulous insurance there are medical ways to figure out the true number. You only have to be hooked up to a room full of computers for 24 hours, no big thing. But anyway, this, in my opinion, is one of the reasons so many diets simply don't work. People think they're in a caloric deficit and they aren't or they're so far into a caloric deficit that their body flips its shit and stops burning fat (yes, that really is a thing according to actual science, no matter what you're read on the interwebs). It's all a bit overwhelming and frustrating. And we wonder why people fail. We drive to work, or take mass transit, we eat processed food, fast food, alcohol, a pill for every ailment real and imagined, we sleep long hours or not enough, spend thousands of hours in front of a screen, abuse our bodies and minds in pursuit of a paycheck, and then try to figure out why we're overweight and out of shape. And then someone comes along with a magic pill. 

And I think that's a large part of the problem too. There's no incentive to fix the lack of information. It's a billion dollar industry. There are webpages filled with it. And they all make money. We have website like fatsecret and according to Google, About 87,900,000 other results. I've used a couple of them. I used MyFitnessPal for a while until I simply couldn't take the dumbfuckery anymore. The amount of, frankly, dangerous information propagated on these sites is nothing short of disturbing. And not a thing is done about it. People encourage eating disorders in others. The newest fad diet is preached as if it's the answer to the meaning of life and anyone who dare question this fact is flamed for days. And nothing is done about it. Because these websites run on clicks and advertising dollars and what actually goes on on them, no one gives a damn. And the stupid is allowed to spread like flees in a cheap motel or STDs at a rave. Weight Watchers made $1.3 billion last year and they are projecting an even higher profit for 2018. One billion dollars charging people to lose weight, selling them crap products they simply can't lose that weight without, telling them to go to meeting to listen to people with absolutely no actual training or formal education in any sort of medical field. And they're growing. Sometimes I wonder why.

Is fat really the worst possible thing a person can be? Is it so horrible to be overweight that we're willing to spend billions of dollars to buy supplements and classes, and doohickeys, and diets? We're so willing to not only buy the bullshit but spread it, just so we're not fat. Or, more often, just so we can tell people about this newest bullshit we're trying in an attempt to not be fat. The magic formula is pretty simple. And free too. Burn more calories than you consume. There's a million different ways to go about it, but they all come down to that pretty simple necessity. Do it "clean", do it "dirty", do it keto or caveman. If Weight Watchers is your thing then rock on with your bad self. Just know that anything else is money you spent on marketing gimmicks and absolute bullshit with almost no base in actual science or real medicine. If you want to spend money on some "online trainer" and it helps you, go for it. But can we please be just a little smarter about it and start cutting out some of the bullshit? Posting photos of your ass on Instagram does not make you a "trainer". Wrapping a person in plastic is not science based weight loss. Cavemen died young. A mostly fat diet isn't "keto", it's not sustainable, you're going to die of a fucking coronary. But at least you'll be skinny right?