If you've read any of my ramblings you know I live with anxiety and depression and how I feel about that fact. And you also know that one of the things I've done to combat these problems is gym. And it's worked fairly well for a while. Until recently. And that concerns me. Lately I've felt similar to how I did when the meds stopped working. And I really don't like that. The anxiety seems to get a little worse every day. I'm constantly exhausted yet can't seem to sleep. Getting myself to the gym is a struggle and once I get there it takes a great deal of effort to accomplish anything. Because that's what anxiety does. The bastard.Physical signs and symptoms may include:
- Fatigue
- Trouble sleeping
- Muscle tension or muscle aches
- Trembling, feeling twitchy
- Nervousness or being easily startled
- Sweating
- Nausea, diarrhea or irritable bowel syndrome
- Irritability
I can tell you the irritability, hell all of these, are certainly true. I ache for no reason. Everything hurts. Everything annoys me. Can't sleep. It's exhausting. And that contributes to the anxiety. I try to fight it every day but sometimes it seems like I'm losing the battle. The anxiety feeds the stress and the stress feeds the anxiety and round and round we go. Woo Hoo.
Some people hear anxiety and think "oh so what, get over it" because they have no idea what it's like to live with every day. Remember that first time you did something you didn't want to really do? The way you felt the first time you flew or jumped off the high dive? The first time you experienced turbulence or realized you really didn't like high spots? That combination of adrenaline and fear and nervousness and..... Now imagine that feeling never really goes away. Ever. That's life with anxiety. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. It leads to other issues. And there is no cure for it. Medications can mask the symptoms if you're okay with the side effects. I wasn't. Some of the meds they put me on made it worse. That was fun. So I stick with the gym. Except lately the anxiety and depression have made even that difficult. I'm working on finding a solution, at least short term, but so far it eludes me. I just keep plugging along, hoping it will get better. That's all you can do sometimes.
One of my biggest peeves are people who say "oh I have anxiety" when they don't. No, there's a big difference between actual anxiety and feeling nervous every once in a while. Or not feeling comfortable in large groups. Or stressing out about that test you know you aren't going to pass. Those feelings go away. True anxiety doesn't. Ever. There are methods for working with it but it always is. The panic attacks are always sitting there quietly waiting for the wrong moment to manifest. The chronic pain and fatigue are constant. The stress is puts on the body and mind is exhausting. And I'd wish it on no one.
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