I was feeling it. Bad. Tired, everything hurt, no energy, didn't feel like lifting. I've heard the term "bonked" used by runners, I think I bonked. Except I wasn't really able to push through that wall. It kind of crushed me. Or at least it started to. So cut back for two weeks. Way back. Last week I only made it to the gym 3 times and when I did make it the workouts weren't exactly strenuous. And I think I needed that.
One of my biggest problems is staying motivated. That stems largely from the depression and anxiety. When I get tired or stressed out I just want to hide. When I get to those walls it's far easier to just say fuck it than to climb them. Or just go sideways for a while hoping there's a door in the wall, or an end to it (hint, there usually isn't). It's very difficult to for me to motivate myself, it always has been. Especially with as slow as my body responds. I try and remind myself that "slow and steady wins the race", or at least finishes it, eventually. And then I read articles or watch videos or talk to people and it's "oh I dropped 25 pounds and look at me now". I've dropped over 200 and I feel like I still look the same. I know I don't, but I feel like I do. Over 750 workouts logged and generally don't feel like I've made a single muscle or gained any strength. So when I start to feel as burned out as I was my first instinct, my first go to, is to say screw it and quit. Not this time. Back at it today with a slightly modified workout plan. Five by fives for a bit.
Five by fives are simply 5 sets of 5 reps at close to your one rep max. The point is to increase strength, breaking plateaus, and periodization. Essentially it's a shock to the system. And ouch! That was kind of heavy. And a little fun again. Oh, and it can make for a pretty fast (under an hour) workout that really kicked my butt. I may do it for more than a week, I haven't decided yet. I do know I've stagnated a bit and I struggle to push myself. One of the problems with not having a personal trainer or a workout buddy is that you have to find your own motivation. Sometimes that's a hell of a struggle. That's where I was. Burned out, tired, bored, feeling like quitting.
And that is truly my biggest struggle. I get through the tired, and the pain, hell, that's my norm. It's the burned out and not wanting to that gets me. It goes hand in hand with the depression. And the depression makes it worse. It's truly a struggle at times. So I have to change things up, try to keep it interesting. Sometimes that's hard. I mean there's really only so many things you can do in a gym that are actually productive and won't cause you permanent bodily damage. So I go high rep/low weight, low rep/high weight, something in between the the two, toss in come of those damn cardio machines every once in a while, and plug away at it. Maybe some day I'll even see a muscle.
On the plus side of things I just weighed myself a couple days ago and I'm down to 383. I'ts been a really, really long time since seeing that number. Like, a couple decades or more. So that's something.
No comments:
Post a Comment