My biggest foe

Is my mind. And frankly it's starting to piss me off. When I was buried under depression, floating through life, I didn't care. Well, I didn't really care about anything. Now that I do, I  find it very frustrating.

I know what I need to do. I know how to do what I need to do. I have most of the tools and skills to do what I know I need to do. I just seem to get lost between knowing and doing. My motivation disperses, like morning fog on the wind of summers afternoon. Poof. Gone. I find my mind sinking back in to old habits, even though I know better.

It's hugely frustrating. I let myself make so many excuses for not. That's something I excel at. You need an excuse for not, I can come up with one. I have plenty of reason to. No shortage of those. I know them all. All the reasons I should. All the reasons I need to. Even many reasons I want to. But when it comes time to do. I fail.

I know that part of it is simply the old life trying to escape its prison. Some of it is still the depression fighting back, trying to keep me down. I have to regularly take a blunt object to it and beat it back into its cave.

I don't know how to turn the know and need into the do. I must figure that out. On a regular and consistent basis. I can think about it, write about and learn about it all I want, it does no good without doing it.