There are some people, I think we all probably know at least one, who can eat and eat and not gain a pound. There are products made specifically for these people. Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) eats over 5000 calories a day, and doesn't gain weight. I ate 5000 calories a day and got up to 600 pounds. I walk through the bakery section of a store and I gain 5 pounds. I can look at food and gain weight. Gaining weight is absurdly easy for me. Calories seem to multiply exponentially the second they touch my lips. Even after having 75% of my stomach removed I still struggle to lose a single pound. Because I fucking love food. I suppose it's a bit of an addiction. The largest aspect of the problem is that I love the wrong food. I wish I liked kale. I wish I could be happy eating vegetables all day. They say that veggies give you that same crunch as a bag of chips. They're full of shit.
Have you seen the "Food Cravings Chart"? It basically says if you're craving this, this is what your body wants, eat this instead. No, when I'm craving cheese it's because I want cheese. Good cheese. Parvati, or a good aged, extra sharp cheddar, or maybe some pepper jack. When I want beef I sure as hell am not replacing it with spinach. Spinach?? Up yours! Oh, but if I want coffee then I should have beef? Who comes up with this crap? Good morning, can I have some cream with my sirloin? I need to wake up.
Before surgery I tried all kinds of stupid diets. I did the Weight Watchers things. I tried the Atkins diet (that was an epic fail). I did all kinds of silly things. And every single one of them failed. Because I love food. Don't tell me I can't eat something, that only makes me want it more. If I wanted to be miserable I'd just go back to being 600 pounds. At least then I could burry my misery
in a large pizza with extra cheese and every type of meat in the store.
So, what does one do when all that "healthy" food just isn't palatable? Protein shakes. Oh how I hate them. I have yet to find one that is actually good, but they do the job. They fill the void. They are.....nasty. But they keep me from eating the "bad" food. They fill my belly so I don't eat too much of all the things I love. When I want a bag of Doritos I eat a protein bar. When I want pizza, I drink a protein shake. Then I order pizza and eat two pieces instead of two pies. It's a constant struggle for me to make the right choice instead of the easy choice. I wish it was easier. I wish I didn't love food so much. It's something I continue to work on.
Of course it would be easier without having to feed the kids. They simply won't eat much of what I should be eating and I don't have the self control to make them one dinner and myself another. So I focus on portion control. And that too is a constant struggle. My brain is still the brain of a 600 pound person. My instinct, my habit, is to put as much on the plate as it will hold. So we bought smaller plates. My habit is to eat fast and not give myself a chance to realize I'm full. So I have to leave the table at times. I still fight all the things that made me fat in the first place. Every single day.
When I decided to have bariatric surgery it was largely because I was under the impression that it would greatly alter not only my ability to eat large quantities of food, but my desire as well. It really did neither. When you take out 75% of a huge stomach you're still left with a large stomach. I didn't experience the rapid weight loss that many do post surgery. It's been two years now and I've only dropped a little over 75 pounds since the day of surgery. But then, I haven't gained any so that's a plus. I've also discovered that I simply don't lose weight dieting. I cut my calorie consumption down to the point recommended by the surgeons and I just get sick. Sick and exhausted. I don't lose weight. I lose energy. I don't drop pounds, I drop motivation. Did I mention that I get sick? I've learned a great deal about my body over the last two years.
What have I learned? That I need carbs. Oh do I need carbs. Bad things happen to my body when I don't get enough carbs. That's one of the reasons Atkins failed so epically. I've learned that what works for most people simply does not work for me. I've learned that I have to practice moderation, not deprivation. If I tell myself I can't have a food that only makes me want it more. It becomes my focus, my obsession. When I want a donut I have one, not 12. When I want pizza I have a couple slices, not a couple pizzas. Is moderation the path to quick weight loss? No. But that path usually ends in a wreck of some sort anyway. It is slow, it is difficult, but it is progressing.
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| This is my idea of diet food. |
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