Progress

Sometimes I get disheartened looking at the photos of others who have battled with weight. You know the ones. "I lost 20 pounds and look like a completely different person!" Good for you, I hate you. I've lost 175 pounds and I usually don't feel like I look even a little different. I look at myself in the mirror and see a fat man with one foot in the grave. And I hate having my photo taken because I hate the way I look. But.... every once in awhile I look back at some of the older photos as a reminder and every once in a great while I take a new one to compare. Today was one of those great whiles.

Wednesday, November 8 2006
I don't remember what I weighed at this point but it was a lot

I decided to look back, to go through the old photos and see what there is to see. So here we go.  A trip down memory lane. In 2013 I was around 550 pounds, I think I started that year at almost 600. 598 is the highest I remember, but not sure the scale was accurate. Today I am 425.

At my worst my waist was something like 75 inches, it's now at just under 60. I have no idea what my other measurements got up to. I know knothing fit, not even shoes. I know I couldn't drive most cars and had to have seatbelt extensions for my van. I couldn't walk through a store. I couldn't fit in most chairs. And I would have never chosen to go to the gym.

 March 8 2013

August 17 2013

September 19, 2015

Yes, I'm still fat. No denying that. But here's a few other things that are undeniable. My blood pressure is 120/60 on a bad day. My resting pulse is lower than ever before. My once enlarged heart no longer has an irregular rhythm. I no longer need seatbelt extensions. Infact, I'm able to not only fit in, but drive a dinky ass Saturn. A year ago I wouldn't have fit in the door of the silly little thing. I can not only walk through a store, I don't feel like laying down for days after I do. And I go to the gym 5 days a week. And I like it. 

I started using bodybuilding.com to track my workouts, to plan workouts and to get some motivation. That is the hardest part, staying motivated. And that is why I go back and look at these pictures. While I don't feel like I look much different, I do. If you're interested you can see my profile HERE. I have to remind myself that it took years to get to my worst, it will take the same to get to my best. 

Two years ago I couldn't make it to the end of my very short driveway. This week I moved several thousand pounds and enjoyed every minute of it. My chronic pain has been replaced with DOMS (mostly). I still need to get more activity, but now I actually want to. I want to leave the house, I want to do things and go places. I no longer want to hide and wait to die. And that is probably the greatest improvement of them all. Sure, I still fight the depression most days, but it's more a skirmish than a full on battle to the death. I don't think that will ever go away completely. I still have the occasional bout of anxiety, but I haven't had a full on flip out in months. And that makes it all worth it.