fear

Facts About Fear

 By Gail Brenner on December 30, 2010

1. Fear-motivated thoughts are all about “can’t.” They create a negative, imagined scenario about the future. Here’s the truth: you don’t know what is going to happen, so these thoughts can’t possibly be true. Buy into these thoughts, and you are inviting limitation. Let them float on by, and you will see what is actually true for you.
2. Fearful thoughts are designed to keep you safe and limited. They are not wisdom, and they are not truth. You get to choose what to follow.
3. Fear always includes physical sensations. Learn to recognize these, and receive them as they are with an open heart.  Channel the energy of fear into excitement and enthusiasm.
4. Fear makes us think that something negative will happen, when the truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Become comfortable with not knowing so that fear doesn’t rule you.
5. Resisting fear strengthens it. The antidote is awareness – being willing to directly experience fear as it appears to you in the moment, recognizing the thoughts and physical sensations.
6. The goal is not to get rid of fear, as you don’t have the power to make this happen. But you do have the power to change the way you relate to fear. Learn to receive it with curiosity and a loving heart, get to know how it spins thoughts that deflate the things you are enthusiastic about. But don’t feel like something is wrong or you have failed if it continues to appear. Simply meet it lovingly every time.
7. A surge of fear tends to arise directly after a moment of truth. Say that an idea appears in your mind about something you’d love to do. Soon after, you might notice that your mind is filled with reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do it. Recognize that this is fear speaking.
8. Recognizing the presence of fear allows you to make conscious decisions. You have the clarity to see what fear is guiding you to do, and you can consider what you really want.
9. Fear is not the enemy. It can be the voice of reason, caution, and practicality that serves you well at times.
10. It takes energy to resist fear. Getting to know it and allowing it to be lets your body and mind relax, as the fight is over. This opens a space for creativity, wonder, awe, love, beauty, inspiration.

Thank you Gail, for this wonderful list.

Have you ever honestly thought about how much of your life is ruled by fear? How many decisions you make ever day because of fear? Mostly it's a fear of consequences. Jail or other personal reactions to you what you do. Speeding tickets, a pissed off lover. Fired from your job. These all keep us from living the life we would like to live.

Some fear is healthy. Most is not. Fear keeps me from driving fast. The fear that I'll get a really expensive ticket. I suppose that fear is valid. I don't jump of bridges or other high spots because I have a fear of the sudden stop at the bottom. Also healthy. Probably keeps me alive, or at least out of the hospital. So, not all fear is bad.

But then there are all the other things we fear every day. Change, success, making someone unhappy, trying something new. Fear of failure keeps us from trying, as does fear of success. What do I fear? What keeps me from living the life I want to live? From being healthy and happy? I've never been able to answer that question before. Not honestly. I'm still working on the answers. I don't have all of them yet, but I have many more than none.

I suppose in all honesty it's a two fold question. First, what is it you fear and secondly, why do you have this fear? Is it a rational fear? Like a rational thought, a fear should fit the same criteria. What is it that is keeping us from success, from losing weight, from doing what we want to do? Fear of failure? You can't fail if you don't try? But isn't being miserable a form of failure? If you can't stand the way things are, what have you to lose by changing them?

I read someplace (and I've mentioned it before) "what is being fat doing for you?". The other side of that question is, what is it you fear about not being fat? There must be something stopping me, if there wasn't it wouldn't be such an issue. So what is it? I don't know yet. I will figure this out. I will crack this code, solve this puzzle, find this answer.

What else is it I fear? It's not the big things that get most people. I have no fear of death, or of the unknowable. I don't seek answers in theology. But there are things holding me back from doing what I want to do. Fear of failure is a huge one with me. Though failing and not trying are pretty much the same in the end, are they not?

I wonder if it has something to do with all the change and chaos I experienced as a child. Into young adulthood even. So much moving. Different houses, different cities, different states. Always something different. Constantly changing. Never improving. Same shit different spot pretty much sums up my younger life. Dad seems to always think the grass was greener in a different spot and never bothered to water his own lawn.

I don't know, it seems like I learn new things about myself every day lately. Some new corner of my mind will suddenly come into the light.The shadows will be lifted and I can see what has been hidden for so long.

questions without answers

soul

1.

the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

2.

the spiritual part of humans regarded in its moral aspect, or as believed to survive death and be subject to happiness or misery in a life to come: arguing the immortality of the soul.

3.

the disembodied spirit of a deceased person: He feared the soul of the deceased would haunt him.

4.

the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments.

5.

a human being; person.

How interesting to me that a definition of soul is person. The spiritual part of a human. The spiritual part. What is that for me? I remember now that spirituality without theology is quite possible. In fact I think many religions do everything they can to destroy the spirituality of a person and replace it with conformity. 

But then I have a very jaded opinion of religion. Reading history does that to some of us. Knowing the atrocities carried out in the name of 'God" and some church. Disturbing at best.  

  

 But I keep asking myself what it is I believe in. Do I believe in anything? If I don't, why not? If I do, what is it that I believe in? It brings me back to my core beliefs. What are they and why are they what they are. It's a very hard question for me to answer. At least honestly. And what is the point in not telling yourself the truth? If the point is to figure out what you believe, telling yourself a lie is just silly isn't it? Isn't it? What is it that you are so afraid of? 

 

A confession

Have you ever done something so bad that its bothered you for years? Something that, when it's dark and cold at night climbs into your memory from down deep and kicks you in the conscious? One of those things that you secretly wish you could go back and undo? I did. Many many years ago.

I think I was maybe 10. I was a very angry kid. I thrived on violence. I did things like stabbing fellow students in the top of the head with a pencil because they pissed me off. Putting jars of gas in a fire just to see what happens (knocked me on my ass when it exploded). Needles to say, I had issues. I'm not looking for excuses. Or maybe I am. Perhaps I'm looking for reasons.

We lived in a house between Seaside and Astoria. An odd little house on a strip of land. The house sits perhaps 30 feet from highway 101. Nothing terribly special about the house. The bedrooms are upstairs. And, if I remember correctly, a bathroom.

Two of the bedrooms, mine and my parents, had balconies out sliding doors. My parents room was in the back of the house and the balcony hung over the back shed where we kept our firewood. One day a bird of some kind, I don't remember other than it was a small bird, took up residence under my parents balcony.

This bird spent some time building the perfect nest. Much to the delight of my parents, who watched her fly in and out, time and again, building her little house. She would sit under the porch and sing. A lovely sound. And then one day there was a chirping heard from this nest.

She had baby birds. 6 of them. Tiny, helpless, unable to do much more than sleep and chirp. And chirp they did. They chirped in the day and they chirped at night. My parents loved the sound of the baby birds chirping. I did not. I don't remember why I didn't, only the feeling.

Of most of my younger life I very spotty memories. A little here, a little there. Some vague, ghost like memories of various events. I very few crystal clear memories. This is one of those that is like hitting the rewind button on a high definition blue ray on a 1080p 3D flat screen in my mind. This is a memory that doesn't fade, doesn't go away and some times doesn't let me sleep.

What is the confession? Why am I writing this, after so many years? Because I killed those baby birds. I took them out of the nest, one by one and flung them as far as I could. I willfully and intentionally took the life of 6 completely helpless and innocent creatures.

I don't remember why I did it. I do remember doing. I remember my parents asking what happened to the birds. I remember telling them I had no idea. I remember feeling like they knew exactly what I had done. But nothing was ever said. And I remember feeling sad. I remember feeling remorse. Feeling disgust at my self for what I had done and wishing I could undo it. I remember how it change me.

I had a very strange childhood. I had few if any friends. I always felt the outcast, the odd man out, the one no one wanted to be around. I was violent, quiet, the strange one. I'm finally starting to understand why. But it's taken a lifetime. That's for another time though. For now, my confession.

This horrific murder of future flight has plagued me my entire life. No matter how I've tried to block it away, it's always been there. When I sit quietly, it is the memory that comes up. When I hear the chirp of a baby bird, I remember how I felt after ending the lives of those 6. I don't remember the feeling during or before, but I will never forget the feeling after.

I've sometimes wondered. When they talk about the evil in people being discovered when they start to kill animals. I wonder if the opposite is possible. I wonder if earlier or later in my life, had I done the same thing, if my feelings after would have been of pleasure and not disgust in my self. Not sadness at what I had done, guilt at the taking of such innocent life.

It's somewhat strange to me. Of all the secrets I've told people over the years, all the stories of my life, all the memories I have, I have never told this to a single person. Not a lover, a friend or a family member. No a single person.

And its eaten at me. Like a worm in an apple, a maggot in rotting flesh. Consuming me from the inside out. Gnawing at me. Of all the bad things I've done in my life, and that is a long list, this is the only one that still, almost 30 years  later, bothers me. Every day it bothers me. Some days I feel an urge to weep. I don't know why. Sometimes I try and tell myself they where just birds. Simply animals, of no consequence to the grand scheme of things. Birds die every day for all kinds of reasons. But I know it's not true.

Maybe it's what these poor, helpless birds represent to me. For all the years of self loathing and guilt I've never paused to think about why. Why did I do it. Why, all these later does it still eat at me. If I close my eyes I can see those baby birds, feel them in my hand and I took them from their home, one after another. I wonder if the knew the fate in store for them after I let fly with the first of their siblings. I wonder. I will never know.

I wonder what my life would be like had I not murdered those birds and felt the guilt. If I had felt something else, or, worse, if I had felt nothing. I wonder if I would be alive today. As horrible as it is to me, through the shame and the guilt, I know one thing is true. My actions that day changed me. The person I was and the person I was becoming, forever altered through the tragic and pointless death of six innocent baby birds.

I remember the hate, the anger, the bitterness that had been building in me for most of my young life at that point. I remember the urge to destroy things, to hurt things, to hurt people. I remember now the feeling of self loathing that I had developed by that point in my existence.


As I sit writing this I've suddenly been hit with an almost crushing wall of emotion. Childhood memories are coming back like a beach crushing tsunami. I have to pause with my writing to deal with these feelings. And I thank something that I am at a point in my life I can accept them, I can acknowledge them for what they are and I can let them flow over, through and around me instead of crushing me. 

But with the memory of all that, I still do not remember why I made the choice to harm those birds. I know that it never came into my young confused mind that it would haunt me for 3 decades.

So, without getting into the whys of things, for that would take much much time and many pages, this is my confession. I am a murderer of the innocent. I have taken life 6 times of beings unable to protect themselves and certainly undeserving of death. I took something beautiful out of this world that does not have enough to begin with. I did it without thought. I did it without meaning. And for 30 years I told no one.

Why are you fat?

"The prospect of being obese, sick and out of control for the rest of our lives led some of us to conclude that life was simply not worth living."
(Taken from overeater's anonymous book) 

I've been to that  point. Several times in fact. The point where I was so miserable that I would go to bed at night hoping not to wake up the next day. The point I would bury my feelings in food, hoping that the next bite would just kill me. The point where I spent more time thinking of ways to die than thinking of ways to live. It's not a nice place to be.

"What has happened in our past does not have to dictate our future.  We can choose if we want to move forward.  We can choose if we are worth it.  We can choose if we want to be stuck." 

 "When you open your mind, open your eyes, and open your life to opportunity, to change,  and to positive influences, the excuses start to dwindle and you will find yourself truly steering your life in a way that is meaningful more often than simply accepting “what has happened.”"
(from every day paleo)

Have you ever stopped to really think about your life, your past and the moments in it that changed you forever? Have you ever sat and thought about when and why you formed your core beliefs? Those deep beliefs that make you who you are. Have you ever thought about why you are who you are? Have you ever thought, I mean really, truly, honestly, without excuses or blame, sat and thought about why you're fat? I never did.

Until now. For me the hardest person in existence to be honest with is me. I love to lie to myself. I love to hide behind a blanket of denial. Being honest with myself hurts. It hurts my pride. It hurts my soul, such as it is (totally another post there, a long one). I don't like pulling back that blanket. Why? Because I don't like what I see. It's like Dorothy at the end of the yellow brick road. You're the wizard? Why surely that can't be.

So finally, after 38 years, I have started to dig. I've started to climb inside myself. Not in an attempt to hide as I have for most of my life, but rather to discover, to see what I can find behind that blanket. To look inside and find out why I am who I am, to find out why I'm fat. To find out why. I know the answers can be found, I need only look hard enough and deep enough. I need to scrape off the decades of fear, self loathing, denial and attempts at forgetting.

In an attempt (so far a rather successful one) to find those answers I have turned to the library and the Internet. To other people who have similar problems. Honestly it was quite surprising to finally realize I'm not the only one.

I've always know of addicts. Drug addicts, alcoholics, even sex addicts. I never knew that other people had an addiction to food. I certainly didn't know there was an entire organization dedicated to helping those like me. I didn't realize that, if not the actual answers, they had at least some advice, a road map to help me in the right direction.

Rules for normal eating

Eat when you are hungry or have a craving for a specific food

• Identify hunger
• Allow yourself to feel your hunger
• Accept hunger as natural and beneficial
• Differentiate hunger from thirst, tiredness and other body sensations (bored, depressed, pissed off)
• Postpone eating until you are moderately hungry
• Give yourself permission to eat if you're hungry
• Identify cravings
• Differentiate between craving and emotional eating
• Give yourself permission to eat what your body craves
• Say yes to food appropriately
• Say no to food appropriately
• Tolerate the anxiety you feel when you don't succumb to emotional eating
• Refrain from negative judgments

Choose foods that you believe will satisfy you.

•  Eliminate beliefs about food being inherently good or bad
• Clear your mind of any should, must, need to, shouldn't and can't ideas about food.
• Feel comfortable saying yes to desires and cravings with food
• Feel comfortable saying no to foods you don't want or like
• Refrain from calorie counting or weighing food
• Refrain from evaluating food strictly from a nutritional standpoint
• Stay in the moment
• Listen to your body
• Be patient selecting the appropriate food 
• Eat without fear, guilt, shame or anxiety
• Enjoy the food you eat
• Say no to food if you want to
• Make food choices without seeking the approval of others

Stay connected to your body and eat with awareness

• Remain present when eating
• Don't feel guilty or ashamed about what you are eating
• Relax when you eat
• Taste every bite
• Eat slowly, take small bites, pause frequently
• Ask yourself if you are enjoying what you're eating
• Ask yourself frequently if you are still hungry
• Look at your food often and see what's left on your plate

Stop eating when you are full or satisfied

• Stay connected to your body and eat with awareness
• Identify what fullness feels like
• Identify what satisfied feels like
• Eat without feeling guilt or shame
• Eat slower
• Be OK saying no more
• Feel comfortable leaving food on your plate
• Feel comfortable throwing out or giving away food
• Feel comfortable eating more if you are still hungry
• Turn off food thoughts when full
• Know what enough feels like

core beliefs

The Five Rules for Ideally Healthy and, Therefore, Rational Thinking

1. Rational thinking is based on obvious facts.

2. Rational thinking best helps people protect their lives and health.

3. Rational thinking best helps people achieve their own short-term and long-term goals.

4. Rational thinking best helps people avoid their most unwanted conflicts with other people.

5. Rational thinking best helps people feel emotionally the way they want to feel without using alcohol or other drugs.

 So have you figured out what your core beliefs are? I'm still working on it. 


“The realization that what you’ve been living and telling yourself all these years was based on a skewed perception of something that happened as a child, is a freeing moment. You have to wonder how you didn’t figure it out
a long time ago.”

Your core beliefs dictate the life you live.

• Who you are
• What you think of yourself
• What you are and are not allowed to do and be
• How to behave and react to people,
  experiences and the world
• What to expect
• Your success
• What you can and cannot have

Wow, that's a lot to take in. Who I am is dictated by what I believe. Fascinating concept really.  People like to use it as an excuse for many things and some hate to hear it, but our parents really do fuck us up. Not on purpose. They don't mean to. Most of the time they think they're doing things right. Either because they don't know any better or because that's how their parents did it (same thing I suppose). I know my parents tried. But they both came from pretty messed up backgrounds. They didn't know any better.

I know that neither of my parents ever realized how the things they did and said affected me. I never realized how those things affected me. When you're a child and you move every 3 to 6 months you don't expect that to develop into detachment issues later in life. When your parents have dysfunctional relationships with their parents and with each other you don't realize how that affects the mind of a child. Not at the time anyway. So most of your core beliefs are formed before puberty.

“If you were able to rewind your life and watch it in slow motion from its very beginning, youwould be able to see the key times when certain beliefs were formed and you would understand why you developed those beliefs.”

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)

It's funny. I actually know this is true because to some extent I've done it. I've had memories from my childhood that brought with them the realization of exactly the moment in time a certain belief or habit was formed.

Your core beliefs are not stagnant ideas that merely sit in your unconscious mind. They are active, and play an important role in your everyday thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions to people and events.

• A person who believes that they are a failure (remember that this is an unconscious belief therefore beyond their awareness), constantly hears mind chatter to support this idea “you can’t do it right”, “you are hopeless”, “you aren’t good enough.”
• They feel the emotional response whenever they hear this ‘so called truth.’ It would be very sad to think that you are a failure.
• Their perceptions make them blind to success, and they miss opportunity after opportunity – all they can see is failure and hardship.
• They play the role of a failure personality (without any idea that they are doing so) – expecting the worst, irresponsible with money, ignoring their finances and financial responsibility, business failure, engaging in self-defeating behaviors.

This person physically lives their core belief that they are a failure.

I've come to realize that no matter how I wish to and try to deny it, one of my core beliefs is that I am a failure. Along with quite a number of other negative beliefs. My mind, my inner voices (all three of them) really don't want me to discover or think about my core beliefs. Or, let me explain this a little more. Some back story if you will.

In my head I have, for most of my life, had two voices.  Kind of like those you see in a cartoon. The good voice and the bad voice. The logical voice and the emotional voice. The emotional voice often spoken by the vile creature in the basement, depression. The more logical of the voices frequently gets silenced by the depressed emotional one. 

The are the voices that beat me up. The voices that call me names and rip my self esteem to shreds. Neither of them are very nice voices when it comes down to it. Though I'm just recently realizing this. I'm developing a new voice. A very quiet, very shy voice. I think it's the rational voice. I'm still working on figuring that out. It's just starting to talk. 

So the two original voices, they've locked my core beliefs in a room of a thousand doors and locked all of them. My new rational voice is in the process of picking the lock on at least one of those many doors. For now, while the lock gets worked on, it seems to have found a window to peek into. It's a dirty, smudged window with a very limited view, but a window none the less. 

Rational thinking

The Five Rules for Ideally Healthy and, Therefore, Rational Thinking

1. Rational thinking is based on obvious facts.

2. Rational thinking best helps people protect their lives and health.

3. Rational thinking best helps people achieve their own short-term and long-term goals.

4. Rational thinking best helps people avoid their most unwanted conflicts with other people.

5. Rational thinking best helps people feel emotionally the way they want to feel without using alcohol or other drugs.

For thinking (and therefore any learned behavior) to be rational, it only has to obey at least three of these five rules at the same time. Habitually thinking rationally gives people the best probabilities for being as healthy, successful, and happy as they desire to be. There are almost no life situations that cannot be handled better with ideally healthy and, therefore, rational thinking.

This is like a litmus test for thinking. If a thought or belief doesn't pass the test, it doesn't belong in your head. Change it. Every person has a set of core beliefs. That is, what your most basic assumptions and expectations are about your self, your life and the world. The basic beliefs about everything that make you you. If they don't stand up to these five rules, then they are not rational thoughts and you need to change them.

One thing I know about myself is that many of my core beliefs about myself and about food are not rational. Depression is like a serial killer. It stalks and destroys rational thinking. Compulsive eating does the very same thing. Together they warp the thinking process and make a person believe things that simply are not true.

When you're fat you develop irrational core beliefs about food. Food is bad. Food is the enemy. Food is killing me. Or food is love, food is good, I can't get enough food. Food will make everything better. It's here I must eat it. All of these thoughts are, to put it simply, wrong. Not rational, they don't pass the litmus test.

I've been trying to (honestly) think about what my core beliefs are. To dig deep and figure out what it is that makes me me. What do I believe about me, you, them, that, those. About living, about death. About love and about hate. About healthy living and the way I currently live. I've discovered something. Or perhaps I'm finally able to admit it to myself. That is, I have a very hard time being honest with myself. My mind wants to avoid difficult subjects. It throws up walls and slams doors, not wanting to let me in.

I'm finding this rather troubling and I wonder if other people have the same issue. Is it hard for others to dig that deep into the self and come out with honest answers? Or is it something most other people simply know the answer to?

Are a persons core beliefs the same as a persons morality? I don't think so, at least not entirely. I suppose some are. Those regarding things like crime, murder, politics and religion. But the others. The ones about emotions? Love, hate, friendship. Food, diets. Life in general. What are they? What is it I truly believe? And are those beliefs rational?

I know that I do not believe in God. At least not the way religious people do. I believe there is something but know that I have absolutely no idea what that something is. However, I do believe in some of what the bible says. Not because it's religious, but because it's great advice.

Long before the 10 commandments were written, or spoken, the Egyptians had 42 "transgressions" or crimes that were written essentially as commandments. The entire lists can be found here:
But below I have kept those that I think ring to my core beliefs. These things I believe to be true above all else.

Transgressions Against Mankind

1. I have not committed murder, neither have I bid any one to slay on my behalf;
2. I have not committed rape, neither have I forced any one to commit fornication;

5. I have caused none to feel pain, nor have I worked grief;(I need to work on this)
6. I have done neither harm nor ill, nor I have caused misery;(this one too)
7. I have done no hurt to man, nor have I wrought harm to beasts;

10. I have not stolen, neither have I taken that which does not belong to me, nor that which belongs to another, nor have I taken from the orchards, nor snatched the milk from the mouth of the babe;(I truly despise thievery in any form)
11. I have not defrauded, neither I have added to the weight of the balance, nor have I made light the weight in the scales;
12. I have not laid waste the plowed land, nor trampled down the fields;
13. I have not driven the cattle from their pastures, nor have I deprived any of that which was rightfully theirs;
14. I have accused no man falsely, nor have I supported any false accusation;
15. I have spoken no lies, neither have I spoken falsely to the hurt of another;
16. I have never uttered fiery words, nor have I stirred up strife;(ummm, I need to work on this one too)
17. I have not acted guilefully, neither have I dealt deceitfully, nor spoken to deceive to the hurt another;
20. I have not stopped my ears against the words of Right and Truth;
22. I have committed no crime in the place of Right and Truth;
23. I have caused no wrong to be done to the servant by his master;
24. I have not been angry without cause;
27. I have never fouled the water, nor have I polluted the land.

Personal Transgressions

39. I have not been overly proud, nor have I behaved myself with arrogance;
40. I have never magnified my condition beyond what was fitting;

OK, so if you read the original list, you'll notice I deleted a lot. One of my core beliefs that comes to mind is; to thy own self be true. I don't believe it's OK to willfully cause harm or strife to others but at the same time I do not live my life to please others. I do not live my life to please a God I do not believe in.

So, all my other beliefs aside for now, what are they about food, health, exercise and my body? And are they rational? I don't know. I've never stopped and thought about them, not really. When I do I find them a great big jumble. Like a ball of rubber bands, all stacked on each other and twisted together.

So this is one of my new goals for the next day or two. Figuring out what my core beliefs are. The beliefs that make me who I am. And then to figure out which of those beliefs are rational and which are not. And then (I know, a lot of and thens) to change those beliefs that are not rational into ones that are.

Some ugly person called me fat.

I can't count the number of times in my life I've been called fat or some derivative there of. Fat ass, fat slob, fat bastard, fat fuck. And of course all the other possible combinations of fat, overweight, hefty, add infinitum.

And really, is it all that bad? Guess what? I know I'm fat. I'm quite aware of it. But it's earned such a negative connotation in out culture that to some it's the largest, worst, most hurtful insult their small brains can muster.

I mean honestly, there are far far worse things to be than fat. Some cultures look at fat as a sign of health and wealth. I'd rather be called fat than stupid. So you can be fat or a rapist, which would you choose?

Contrary to what many believe, being fat isn't always a choice. At least not an active one. I didn't wake up one day and decide I'd like to be fat and unhealthy. I say to myself, self it sure would be nifty to be in pain all the time and not able to move. On the other hand being a jealous asshole is a conscious choice.

Personally I hate being fat. I've let it define me for the majority of my life. When I thought about who I was the answer has always been "depressed fat guy". It rarely, if ever occurred to me that I could be anything other than that. I never really had dreams or aspirations growing up because I never thought any of them possible.

Someone once said you create your own reality. I never really understood what that meant until recently. All the self help clichés are suddenly making some sort of sense to me. Your thoughts become your reality. Think it, believe it, achieve it. If you think you can't, you're right.

According to a book I'm currently reading there are rules of change. Also rules of normal eating (that's the name of the book). The rules of change are:

1. Change is simple but not easy
2. change is incremental
3. change is slow
4. change doesn't happen without discomfort
5. change is facilitated by having or developing specific personality traits
6. if you put one foot in front of the other, you can't help but get where you want to go.

It's funny how so many different areas of life end up offering the same advice. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Another one I found fascinating from the same book was the requirements for accomplishing change. Quite simple really. Curiosity, compassion for self, caring for self, practice, patience and persistence.

I'm finding this book quite fascinating. I've struggled with eating most of my life. I never learned healthy habits as a child. I then developed bad habits as a teenager and reinforced those bad habits into adulthood. I developed mindless habits of stuffing my face when not hungry. Of not listening to my body. I developed, essentially, an eating disorder.

I have no idea how many times over the years I have suddenly realized I'm eating and having no idea why. Not normal eating. Far from it. Apparently hunger isn't simply wanting to chew, swallow or fill you mouth with food. Damn, who knew? Something to change.

If it can be satisfied with something other than food, it's NOT hunger. Yep, working on this one. I work on this one every single day. Because no, I don't like being fat. I don't like it at all. It hurts. It hurts physically. It hurts emotionally. It sucks.


A cognitive-behavioral approach to learning “normal” eating has three facets, all of which must be addressed and attended to in order to achieve full recovery. The facets are as follows:
• reframing irrational beliefs about food, eating, body, and weight to rational ones;
• handling stress and distress effectively without focusing on food and weight; and
• practicing “normal” eating behaviors until they become habits.

Isn't that a nice segue back into normal eating? Some of the things I have to consciously think about are thoughts most "normal" people never have to deal with. Why am I eating is always  a good one. Am I hungry? Or is it something else. Am I full? Do I need more or am I just eating because I can?

In all things seek balance.

101 motivational strategies

I found this list while floating along the wave of cyberspace and liked it so much I decided to share it, with some of my own comments, a few personal edits and of course, great appreciation to the author.

 Author, Maria Kang: 'Learning What Uniquely Motivates You Is What Will
Make You Successful In Your Weight Loss Or Weight Gain Journey.'



101 Motivation Strategies

1. Write down your goals.
1. I recently started doing this on a couple different levels. Short term goals for the week. Then goals for the month and the year. I try to keep them simple yet precise. 


2. Create a fitness action plan.
1. I keep working on one of these in my head but it gets squashed by tons of excuses. Excuses are like cow shit, they lay around and stink. 


3. Devise a desirable reward.
1. I think living is a pretty decent reward. And I mean living on multiple levels. The physical aspect of life as well as the mental. It's time to stop simply surviving and learn how to live again.


4. Set a completion date.

Bodybuilding.com: Upcoming Competition Search! Search for upcoming competitions in your area and set a date for the big day so you can motivate yourself to finally get in the best shape of your life! [ Search For Upcoming Competitions Here! ]

5. Enter a competition.


6. Enter a competition amongst your friends.


7. Plaster motivational quotes all over your house.
1. I haven't started plastering the house but I did write some in very large letters on my bedroom wall. And in my notebook. And on my computer.


8. Write "Every Day is a New Battle" on your bathroom mirror.


9. Post your favorite fitness role model on your refrigerator.
1. I don't have one. I've never really had role models for anything in my life. 


10. Post your favorite fat picture on your refrigerator.


11. Type "Your Character is your Destiny" on your screen saver.


12. Type "Get off your Fat Butt" on your screen saver.


13. Practice core strength by using a stability ball for a chair.
1. One thing on my to get list for sure. 


14. Rollover and do some crunches in-between emails on your stability ball chair.


15. Buy a nice wardrobe that will fit you in two months.


16. Donate all your fat clothes to Salvation Army.


17. Moderate your strict eating with a fat meal once a week.

RELATED VIDEO: Your 12-Week Daily Video Trainer

Thursday, Week 5: Eating Out! Kris Gethin is your own Daily Personal Trainer! Today we have some tips on eating out without cheating on your transformation.

Watch More From This Series Here.

18. When eating your fat meal, look at the body type of other people who eat fat meals daily.


19. Buy some fitness magazines.


20. Read some "how to" fitness articles.


21. Join a fitness web blog.


22. Read transformation stories.


23. Pray and thank God for the amount of weight you've already lost.


24. Make a supportive fitness group.


25. Hang around fit friends.
1. This would require friends. 


26. Surround yourself with people and things that promote a healthy lifestyle.

GET MORE FROM BODYBUILDING.COM!

Learn What BodySpace Can Do For You! Updating Your Profile. [ Click here To Start Your Account. ] Back | Next 1 of 9: Your Profile Page: BodySpace is more than just a MySpace for bodybuilders. It's your best tool for staying motivated over the long term. On BodySpace, you can create a profile with your photos, your body stats, your progress, and much more.

27. Find a running partner.


28. Inspire your own partner to run with you.
1. To first be able to run is one of my goals. I never been a runner. 


29. Create fitness goals with your partner.


30. Make a workout and diet log.
1. I do this to a point. Though I admit it's been sporadic lately. My motivation is much like the moon and tides, it waxes and wanes. 


31. Personalize your journal by adding inspirational quotes and pictures.
1. So done in so many ways. 


32. Document your progress: weight, body fat, and blood pressure.

Click Image To Enlarge.
Document Your Progress: Weight, Body Fat, And Blood Pressure.

33. Attend a bodybuilding/fitness show.


34. Talk to competitors and pros that live for fitness.


35. Ask your role models what motivates them.


36. Take a chance and email your role model off their web site.


37. Take a supplement for physical gains as well as a mental 'placebo' effect.


38. Drink some coffee.


39. Drink more coffee.


40. Date someone more fit than you.
1. well now that would not be to difficult


41. Date someone who inspires you.


42. Date someone you want to look really good naked for.


43. Shave your body so you can see all your muscles.


44. Tan your body so you can see all the lines and contours of your muscles.


45. Tan your body at the beach so that people with really nice bodies can inspire you.


46. Hire a trainer.

Personal Trainer Of The Month: Exclusive Trainer Of The Month! We will be highlighting a personal trainer each month. These great trainers have been successful in helping their clients succeed. Check it out! [ Check Out The Personal Trainer Of The Month ]

47. Become a trainer.


48. Humble a trainer by knowing more stuff than him/her.


49. Look like a trainer.


50. Buy new athletic shoes.


51. Buy a new workout outfit.


52. Buy clean, new, and comfortable socks.


53. Wear really bright colors to the gym.


54. Take a group exercise class.


55. Take a spinning class for really intense cardio.


56. Take Yoga or Pilates class for variety and core strength.


57. Drink an energy drink.


58. Plan a vacation where you have to wear a swimsuit.

Click Image To Enlarge.
Plan A Vacation Where
You Have To Wear A Swimsuit.

59. Read Lance Armstrong's biography.


60. Envision your workout during your warm-up.


61. Focus on the workout, one set at a time.


62. Beat yourself up with weights for even getting de-motivated.


63. Conquer your negative thoughts by pushing your body into painful consciousness.


64. Experiment on how much you can make yourself sweat.


65. Make it a goal to be the fittest person in the weight room - or any room for that matter.


66. Test your max on pushups and pullups.


67. Post the Krispy Kreme's calendar on your wall.


68. Post Monica Brant's calendar on your wall.


69. Watch Ronnie Coleman videos.


70. Read articles by Arnold Schwarzenegger.


71. Buy a home exercise bike or treadmill.
1. All I need is money. Money, and money

Bodybuilding.com: High Quality Cardio Equipment! We have what you need to get and keep your body into shape. Our wide range of products includes everything from jump ropes to stair climbers. [ Check Out The Cardio Equipment Here! ]

72. Become the inspiration amongst your friends.


73. Help someone who is very overweight or wants to gain muscle.
1. in other words, help my self


74. Visit my web site: http://www.mariakang.com/.


75. Place your alarm clock across your bedroom so that you have to get up to turn it off in the morning.


76. Place your athletic shoes right next to your alarm clock.


77. Place a quote right next to your alarm clock that says: "Today you are closer to the person you were meant to become."


78. Alarm your cell phone to give you daily reminders to eat, work out, and give gratitude.


79. Volunteer your time with people who don't have full function of their bodies.


80. Volunteer your passion for fitness at a YMCA.


81. Look up new, healthy recipes to cook.

RELATED VIDEO: Your 12-Week Daily Video Trainer

Tuesday, Week 11: More Recipes! Kris Gethin is your own Daily Personal Trainer! Today we're back in the kitchen for some more great recipe ideas!

Watch More From This Series Here.

82. Search for new, healthy restaurants to eat at.


83. Observe the body type of the people at restaurants you shouldn't eat at.


84. Read one of Mike Mahler's Aggressive Strength Training Articles on Bodybuilding.com.


85. Learn a new exercise technique like Kettlebell training.


86. Turn off your TV and run.


87. Buy a new MP3 player or iPod and put some high energy workout songs on it.

RELATED PRODUCT

Bodybuilding.com Presents: MP3 Player Key Features: Support MP3, WMA, Support DRM10 (Optional), Support Lyric Synchronization, ID3 Multi Language, Li-Polymer Battery, 2-Color OLED Display, Digital Voice Recorder, Built-In FM Stereo Radio (Optional). [ Click here to learn more. ]

88. Buy new workout devices like a heart rate monitor or pedometer.


89. Work out at a different gym.


90. Work out at a different time of day.


91. Work out using all new exercises.


92. Vary your cardio by incorporating High Intensity Training.


93. Say a prayer for power right before you train.


94. Say a prayer for performance right before your set.


95. Say a prayer for pain during your set.


96. Say a prayer for persistence after your set.


97. Say a prayer for positive action after you train.

Read articles on Bodybuilding.com.

98. Shop for supplements, videos, and books on Bodybuilding.com.


99. Get passionate enough to write an article for Bodybuilding.com.


100. You know what motivates you. Quit reading and make it happen.

Articles like this motivate me. They make me think.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Just breath

 I can say from personal experience that the below methods work to calm me. They can be surprisingly difficult to do consistently if you don't think about what you are doing. I suppose that's the point. 

Ujjayi breathing has helped me several times when I felt the beginnings of an anxiety attack coming on. It works very well to focus and relax. The more often I do it, the more I enjoy it. And sucking in all that air kind of gives you a rush.

Dirgha Pranayama is MUCH harder (at least for me) than a person would think. Seriously, how often in your life do you consciously think about how you are breathing? Do you sit and feel your lungs contract and expand and pay attention to the order they fill? I never really did. I do now. And it helps.

Ujjayi
Ujjayi is often called the "sounding" breath or "ocean sounding" breath, and somewhat irreverently as the "Darth Vader" breath. It involves constricting the back of the throat while breathing to create an "ah" sound -- thus the various "sounding" names.

 

Benefits

Focuses the mind
Increases mindfulness
Generates internal heat

How to do it

1. Come into a comfortable seated position with your spine erect, or lie down on your back. Begin taking long, slow, and deep breaths through the nostrils.

2. Allow the breath to be gentle and relaxed as you slightly contract the back of your throat creating a steady hissing sound as you breathe in and out. The sound need not be forced, but it should be loud enough so that if someone came close to you they would hear it.

3. Lengthen the inhalation and the exhalation as much as possible without creating tension anywhere in your body, and allow the sound of the breath to be continuous and smooth.

To help create the proper "ah" sound, hold your hand up to your mouth and exhale as if trying to fog a mirror. Inhale the same way. Notice how you constrict the back of the throat to create the fog effect. Now close your mouth and do the same thing while breathing through the nose.

When to do it

During asana practice
Before meditation
Anytime you want to concentrate

Dirgha Pranayama Known as the "complete" or "three-part" breath, dirgha pranayama teaches how to fill the three chambers of the lungs, beginning with the lower lungs, then moving up through the thoracic region and into the clavicular region.

 

Benefits

Promotes proper diaphragmatic breathing, relaxes the mind and body, oxygenates the blood and purges the lungs of residual carbon dioxide.

How to do it

Sit with your spine erect, or lie down on your back. Begin taking long, slow, and deep breaths through the nostrils.

1. As you inhale, allow the belly to fill with air, drawing air deep into the lower lungs. As you exhale, allow the belly to deflate like a balloon. Repeat several times, keeping the breath smooth and relaxed, and never straining. Repeat several times.
2. Breathe into your belly as in Step #1, but also expand the mid-chest region by allowing the rib cage to open outward to the sides. Exhale and repeat several times.
3. Follow steps #1 and #2 and continue inhaling by opening the clavicular region or upper chest. Exhale and repeat.
4. Combine all three steps into one continuous or complete flow.

When to do it

During asana practice
Prior to meditation
Prior to relaxation
Anytime you feel like it

Nadi Shodhana Nadi Shodhana, or the sweet breath, is simple form of alternate nostril breathing suitable for beginning and advanced students. Nadi means channel and refers to the energy pathways through which prana flows. Shodhana means cleansing -- so Nadi Shodhana means channel cleaning.

 

Benefits
Calms the mind, soothes anxiety and stress, balances left and right hemispheres, promotes clear thinking

How to do it

• Hold your right hand up and curl your index and middle fingers toward your palm. Place your thumb next to your right nostril and your ring finger and pinky by your left. Close the left nostril by pressing gently against it with your ring finger and pinky, and inhale through the right nostril. The breath should be slow, steady and full.
• Now close the right nostril by pressing gently against it with your thumb, and open your left nostril by relaxing your ring finger and pinky and exhale fully with a slow and steady breath.
• Inhale through the left nostril, close it, and then exhale through the right nostril.

That's one complete round of Nadi Shodhana --

• Inhale through the right nostril
• Exhale through the left
• Inhale through the left
• Exhale through the right.

Begin with 5-10 rounds and add more as you feel ready. Remember to keep your breathing slow, easy and full.

When to do it

Just about any time and any where. Try it as a mental warm-up before meditation to help calm the mind and put you in the mood. You can also do it as part of your centering before beginning an asana or posture routine. Also try it at times throughout the day. Nadi Shodhana helps control stress and anxiety. If you start to feel stressed out, 10 or so rounds will help calm you down. It also helps soothe anxiety caused by flying and other fearful or stressful situations.

Thoughts to lose the pounds.

If God is willing to prevent evil, but is not able to
Then He is not omnipotent.
If He is able, but not willing
Then He is malevolent.
If He is both able and willing
Then whence cometh evil?
If He is neither able nor willing
Then why call Him God?

Get to work!!!!!!

I love this. I need to blow it up life size and hang it on my wall. "Get to work" can be applied to so many things. Not just that j.o.b thing some of you go to every day.

Get To Work!

by AndHeDrew

…but I really don’t feel motivated.
You don’t have to be. Get to Work.
…but I don’t have any good ideas
You don’t need any to Get to Work.
…but I’m really tired right now…
You’ll feel more energized if you Get to Work.
…but I have so much on my plate.
Then Get to Work and knock some of it out!
…but I worked hard yesterday. Maybe I can just relax today.
I don’t care what you did yesterday. This is today. Get to Work.
…but I’m hungry…
Work first, then grab a snack, then Get Back to Work.
…but I don’t want to become a workaholic.
Most people err on the other side. Get to Work.
…but I’m so busy…
You don’t have a lack of time. You have a lack of priorities. Get to Work.
…but I’m not inspired…
Inspiration comes to those who Get to Work.
…but I’m really ok with myself as I am. I don’t need to improve myself or my situation.
You’re reading this, aren’t you? You care. Get to Work.
…but no one’s making me do it.
That’s good. You can’t be forced into making art, or doing good. Get to Work.
…but my favorite TV show is on…
Kindly throw the nearest brick through your television screen and Get to Work.
…but Facebook is…
Install one of these and Get to Work!
…but I’m feeling kind of down right now.
Work can make you feel energized and alive. Get to Work.
…but _________________________(fill in the blank)
That’s an excuse not to work. Get to Work.

The author of the above is a blogger among other things and I can't help noticing that much of his advice towards writers applies to so many other areas of life. Here's another little gym from him:


The idea of yourself as a loser comes from between your two ears.
You aren’t a loser. You really aren’t. You aren’t a failure, you aren’t a fraud. You aren’t a sellout or a terrible person.
You just think you are.
The thing is, if you think you’re a failure, you do a pretty good job of failing. If you think you’re lazy, you’ll be lazy. If you think you’re insecure, you’ll start acting insecure. Understand that you decide these things. If you are dead certain that you can’t do math, you’ll fail if you try to take that math class. You’ll nod your head sadly at this: of course you failed the math class: you’re a failure when it comes to math. What if instead you decided that you can do anything that you put your mind to? What if you firmly believed that you were a success?

This is a HUGE issue in my life. I partially blame the depression and the altered thinking caused by it. But then, I read this:

by AndHeDrew

It’s you. You’re the problem.
so very true. i am in control of my life, no one else
It’s not your circumstances; people rise above their circumstances all the time. People decide not to make their difficult circumstances an obstacle. You don’t have to be defined by them.

You’re the problem.
It’s not the way you were raised; parents make mistakes, some parents make really big mistakes, some parents aren’t there for their kids. Some can’t be. None of this will hold you back if you don’t let it.
my parents tried, they just didn't know any better. one thing about becoming a parent, it helps you understand your own parent. 
 
You’re the problem.
It’s not the fear. It’s not built into you. You’re not some sort of machine, uncontrollable and driven completely by fear, You can help it.
the ducking depression makes this hard. it's not rational fear, or even a fear that can fully be explained to anyone who has not experienced it
 
You’re the problem.
It’s not your boss. Maybe you need to fire your boss, but that’s beside the point; your boss cannot hurt you if you don’t let him. He decided how he acts, but you decide how you respond. You’re deciding to hurt yourself.
this is true of all people, not just a boss
 
You’re the problem.
It’s not the political figure in power. Politicians come and politicians go, and some people always win; some people always lose. Politicians may tinker with the law, but they can’t change you.
more people need to understand this
 
You’re the problem.
It’s not the economy. You don’t have to be afraid like everyone else is. You can go confidently out and learn how to make yourself valuable. It’s not the economy that’s holding you back.

You’re the problem.
It’s not the food. It’s not the fast food companies’ deceptive advertising. It’s not the ways that they manipulate your brain with images of food. It’s not how expensive healthy food is, it’s not that you don’t have enough time; it’s not that the kids don’t like the food. You don’t care enough.
and it's so much easier to just eat. willpower is hard to find sometimes. excuses are easy. 

You’re the problem.
It’s not the credit card companies, it’s not the way the world works, it’s not that you don’t make enough money; it’s not that you can’t support your family. You’re deeply in debt because you just can’t say no to you.
You’re the problem.
* * *
It’s not your circumstances; you don’t have to be defined by them.
You’re the solution.

It’s not the way you were raised; whether you had really good parents, really bad parents or nonexistent parents, it doesn’t really matter in the long run.
You’re the solution.
i'm working very hard on not letting the past control my present or my future. 
 
It’s not built into you. “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit is every time.” You won’t naturally do what’s right and what will make you win. You have to decide.
You’re the solution.
Not entirely true when you have clinical depression. it's part of me, a part I'd love to cut out and never see again, but a part none the less. I have to learn to deal with it instead of letting it control my life. not an easy thing.
 
It’s not your boss. Your boss, no matter how good they are, can’t make you care.
You’re the solution.

It’s not the political figure in power. Believe me, the president can only change so much. You’re going to have to take steps to change your own life.
You’re the solution.

It’s not the economy. You can win in a down economy, you can win in an up economy. It all depends on you.
You’re the solution.

It’s not the food. There’s no miracle vitamin. There’s no super food that will make you skinny. What will make you skinny is looking in the mirror and telling yourself “No” over and over again.
You’re the solution.
this is another hard one for me. sometimes I find myself eating and not even realizing I'm doing it. my brain doesn't give me a chance to say no.
 
It’s not the having perfect credit, it’s not making a certain amount of money, it’s not having the perfect job, it’s not winning the lottery; you’ll start to get a handle on your money when you can force yourself to stop buying stuff you don’t need. When you can force yourself to brown-bag it. When you can force yourself to drive a junkier car. When you can control yourself, you can win.
You’re the problem.
You’re the solution.
 ANd some more:
What does not take courage.
~Making art and not sharing it with anyone.
~Anything motivated by fear.
~Anything motivated by guilt.
~Doing the same thing you’ve always done.(something I'm great at)
~Taking the path of least resistance.(this too. until it took me right off a cliff)
~Gliding through life.(again, right off a cliff)
~Entertaining yourself.
~Fulfilling the least of your obligations.
~Giving people your opinion on something you don’t know anything about.
~Becoming numb.(been numb most of my life. finally getting some feeling)
~Doing as you’re told.

What takes some courage.
~Meeting new people.(I totally SUCK at this)
~Showing up early.(always)
~Having a good attitude.(you must be joking)
~Trying something new.
~Making an effort to remember people’s names.(um, sure, OK)

What takes incredible courage.
~Innovating.
~Doing what’s right.
~Trying something new all the time.
~Ignoring the naysayers.
~Doing something that really matters.
~Saying no to fear.
~Saying no to guilt.

We are truly ruled by fear. We are taught to be good assembly-line workers through fear. Fear may cause good grades and it may make people work hard, but ultimately it won’t help you be a better artist or a better innovator.
I want you to fight the fear.
If you just react to fear, you’re normal.
If you push through fear, you’re an artist.

More readers

How do people get so many readers on their blogs? I've read some that have thousands of followers. People have become famous from their blogs. How do you do that?

I suppose it would help if I was capable of writing anything more than mindless tripe and drivel. This thing is more a glorified journal than anything with an actual structure or point. What do people want to know. To read about. What grabs someones interest. I have no idea.